My mom almost let me die in front of her at age 13
hi everyone this is my first post and Ive never used Reddit before so I wasn’t sure where to post this. I’ll start by saying I’m safe now and my intention is just really to feel less alone if someone could please tell me I’m not alone in this.
TW: suicide, neglect, sexual exposure in front of a minor
when I was 13 my mental state was already very bad due to some past issues. my mom and I had just moved in with her new boyfriend (this was mid-late 2021). She barely knew him before she made me pack all of my stuff from my grandparents house (lived with them from 2020-2021 and then moved back in with them my freshman year of highschool due to the events that happened next). we hadn’t been living there long and this guy was trying to ”bond” with me I guess so the three of us were in the living room watching a movie. It was mid day probably between 10:00 am to 3:00 pm at the latest. They were in their “honeymoon“ phase for sure because my mom and this guy couldnt stay off each other long enough to watch a fucking movie with her 13 year old kid as a new “family unit”. Anyways I’m sitting in a chair in the living room while her boyfriend sits in another chair pretty much right next to me but my mom was sitting in the floor between us. He gets down on the floor with my mom and they start making out like 3 feet away from me max. I was 13 sure but I wasn’t stupid and they knew that. He starts touching her in places a 13 year old should NEVER see especially not their mom. I think they kind of snapped out of their horned up trance and realized what they were doing so they told me they were “tired and going to take a nap”. I knew what they were going to do. Reminder that it is the middle of the day and they couldn’t wait until I was asleep or something???? Anyway
this whole ordeal freaked me out and even worse I could hear them across the house. I also knew that my mom did onlyfans (I think it was technically a different site but I was bullied for it in middle school because my mom would dress up in MY CLOTHES HER 13 YEAR OLDS CLOTHES AD A 30 SOMETHING YEAR OLD WOMAN. She also promoted her work on her public instagram so they all knew she was my mom between the last name and the clothes. I suspect this day she was probably making content with this man. Regardless I could hear them across the house (we lived in a double wide, their room was at one end, mine at the other and I could STILL hear them with my door shut. Like shaking the damn house almost. It was incredibly disturbing. As I said my mental state was low and I had already attempted suicide in the past. this incident made me feel like my mother did not care about me which I already knew she didn’t but this amplified those feelings. I took a bunch of various pills, some prescribed to me, some prescribed to her boyfriend. I desperately wanted my mom to stop and care for me so I regretted my decision and ended up calling her phone from mine across the house. The first 3 times she didn’t answer and then when she did she was very upset but even worse, still going at it with him while on the phone with me. She could hear me crying. Didn’t stop fucking him. I told her what I’d done and she said something that gave me hope like “hold on I’ll be right out to check on you” or somethin. I genuinely thought she would stop. Five minutes go by and suddenly it had been over 15 minutes since Id called Her. Clock is ticking at this point because I had taken a drug cocktail. I call her again she doesn’t answer but then knocks on my door. I open it she’s half naked out of breath and PISSED at me. Usually she met me with somewhat compassion after I attempted in the past but her mask didn’t just slip this time it was GONE. I tell her everything I took and she did not take it seriously at all but I’m having intense stomach pain now and feel like I’m going to pass out. I’m sobbing to her telling her I feel like I’m dying and to please take me to the hospital but she kept coming up with excuses like “they’ll take you away from me forever if I take you there” and I was a scared 13 year old girl who had already had run ins with cps and had my life ruined before by them. I listened to her and she quickly ran back to her boyfriend for round two. I made myself vomit. there was a little blood which really scared me. At this point it’s maybe 4:00 pm and I didn’t see my mom or her boyfriend again for the rest of the day. They never came out of their bedroom. I didn’t eat anything just layed in my room crying and trying my hardest not to fall asleep cus I was terrified I wouldn’t wake back up. Ended up falling asleep at some point and the next day worst stomach pain of my life I ended up going to stay with my grandparents. Didn’t tell them what really happened until my freshman year of highschool.
i need help. Was this a mother who hates her daughter? A narcissist? did she just not care or do you think she wanted me dead?