I feel very lost in life and lost interest in everything
Hi, I'm 25m and over the past few years I feel like I've started to lose interest in more and more things, and these past few weeks specifically it has even latched up to things that I didn't think I could lose interest in, to the point where I now have nothing, and I generally feel lost in life.
I believe this is primarily due to my job. I'm a software developer and still in my first job out of uni. After uni I came back to this place where I did an internship and it wasn't ideal as I didn't really want to but took it anyway as I didn't have anything else lined up. 4 years later and I'm still here, but for like the past 1.5 years it has started going downhill. I'm no longer learning, the majority of the tasks are the same, there's 0 progression and I've grew to genuinely hate the company and don't want to associate with it. The people I work with are probably the only positive, but even there I just don't feel like talking to anyone anymore and genuinely have days where I say like 20 words throughout 8 hours, it wasn't like this before.
I struggle to get work done, make basic mistakes and in general stuff just takes me longer to do than it used to, and it's not even a case of distractions as if I'm not looking at my phone then I'm genuinely just staring into space. I've looked around and apparently this is boreout, and I feel like this has spilled over into my non work life
I've tried to find a new job and have had several interviews but never had an offer, the market is scarce especially in my area and whilst I have tried to upskill in my free time to at least make it seem like there's some movement, I find it difficult to actually do, it's like I have a mental block that I can't get rid of
When I get back home from work I don't really know what to do. Ive lost interest in everything so I just attempt to play some video game which I end up quitting within 5 mins or i just put on some video and then don't actually watch it and just stare into space till it's time to go to sleep, and weekends look similar
The only thing I have going for me now is the gym as I still go 4 times a week and eat somewhat healthily
Even when I do get ideas of new hobbies or something, my brain just shuts it down instantly as nothing sounds appealing. I'm a very picky person and I make things like choosing a pair of shoes to buy a very difficult task (I've been shopping around for months, still haven't got any 🙃 )
A lot of this is spilling into how I view myself as a person. I've never been in a relationship or even been close or even friends with a girl and this, all of the above and general low self esteem are just making me very unhappy with my life, with myself and everything else
I used to see a therapist in 2022 although it was primarily for OCD (which I still think I have) and have been on Sertraline since then and I'm still on it
A lot of the time I feel like I just don't belong, not in any bad way but that I'm just different but I don't understand why. For instance today I went out for food with some work colleagues. I wasn't really that interested in going but went anyway and it was ok but for like 95% of the time I just listened, said a few words and that was it really. I was basically just zoned out for most of the time and physically I was with them but mentally completely elsewhere
Does anyone have any advice on what to do or what this may be?
Thanks for any replies