u/Beginning_Bother6410

I got asked if I was seeing anyone during the family gathering and...

I thought of you when I answered no.

JS

Hi CM,

It's driving me crazy to think that I'm moving forward - living, achieving, stepping into the life we once imagine together. I’ll be starting my clerkship soon.

And I don’t know why, but a part of me still wishes you knew. I wish you could see me in July, wearing my long sleeve white coat we talk about. I'm doing all the things we promised each other we would do. Maybe in another lifetime, I suppose.

Maybe I just wanted you to be there, even from afar. Not to say anything. Not to come back. Just to know that I made it here.

I miss you quietly, in ways I don’t always admit.

With all the love and prayers I have for you.

JS

Dear C,

I miss you in the stupid little ways that no one talks about.

I miss the random conversations. I miss laughing about nothing. I miss the comfort of knowing you existed somewhere in the world, and that if things got bad, I could talk to you.

I miss the version of us that felt safe. The simple moments. The quiet understanding. The way your presence made ordinary days feel a little less heavy. Now there's just silence where you used to be. But I won't disturb your peace just because I miss you tonight. So I'll keep this here, unsent. I'll let my prayers reach the places my messages no longer should.

I carry you with me now. In the memories, in the jokes that still make me think of you, in the quiet moments. I carry you in songs I can't listen to the same way, in places that feel emptier than they should, and in the words I still wish I could tell you.

I hope you are doing okay, bao bao. I hope life has been gentle with you, and I hope you are healing in ways I may never get to see. I'm sorry for the pain my silence may have caused. At that time, I was trying to survive myself, but I know that does not change the fact how it may have hurt you. I miss you, but I am learning to miss you without reaching for you.

There are days I still want to ask how you are, to hear your voice, to talk like before. But for now, I will love you quietly from here, with no message, no explanation, and no expectation. I know this won't ever reach you, C. I will send my care through prayers instead of messages.

JS