I (24F) am nervous when my fiancé (28M) drinks
TL;DR I don't like how my fiancé treats me when he's drunk
Weve been together for 3 years and enjoy drinking together and with friends, he's tended to be in a pretty good mood while drinking and weve had a lot of fun.
There's been the occasional times where he's called me drunk (maybe twice) and been extremely randomly angry generally at himself etc but the next day plays it cool and doesn't look back on the night as bad really.
for the last few months, when he gets drunk he has become quite annoyed, insecure and frustrated very easily. He would call me and ask me to explain why we should be together and what I bring to his life. Why we should be more than friends and has said some really hurtful things. I discuss it with him and it results in us going to bed tense and waking up and he is extremely reassuring, apologetic and kind. Not overly apologetic but truly willing to talk it out and give me any reassurance I need. This happened twice before I had a serious conversation and told him to stop talking to me about it when drunk And if he had concerns, to mention it sober as I'm now extremely anxious when he drinks. He reassures me it's not how he really feels and he just feels stressed with life in general. he has a stressful job as a project manager and works long hours.
Since then, the conversations haven't been that bad but he is still very impatient, unwilling to listen and is in those moments, a bad fiancé and really difficult to talk to. He drank with some friends, one of which we thought liked him, which I didn't love and he blamed me for adding to his stress and said some things that seemed indirectly aimed at me and comparing me to them. the next morning I once again, asked him what that was all about and he claimed it was him being dramatic but reassured me again. Said he didn't mean it and I do believe he's being honest but I want to know at what point I'm being naive holding onto that belief.
Im just extremely nervous, I lose my appetite when he drinks, and I worry this is how he truly feels or at least he's suppressing emotions surrounding me or his life generally. he tends to be quite closed off in general and opens up very scarcely. he is indeed extremely stressed from work and has a highly demanding job, yet I don't believe that's a reason to treat me how he does. I wish I didn't have to wait until the morning to be able to feel at peace. he drinks 2-3 times a week, I'd say we have a conversation like this maybe once a week. When he's sober he's very reasonable to talk to.
I just want to know if this is normal and how to go about talking to him about it. I've really been struggling and losing sleep and weight out of stress (I am prone to anxiety and overthinking so it's a bad mix!).
-M