In so much pain
I am so sad.
I am so sad. I’m a twenty year old girl in university and I have bowel incontinence. I don’t know what to do, I am so embarrassed and scared about what this means for my health. It’s been this way since I was around 13, and everyone in my life knows I’ve struggled with some kind of intestinal problem but I really blow it off because it’s not something I (or anyone else) is comfortable talking about.
Recently I’ve been struggling more than ever, I’m laying in an Airbnb on a trip any young person my age would be blessed to have and I am paralyzed. I cry. I am so sad I can’t hold in my own shit. I feel horrible about myself and I just don’t want this to be me. Everything I see and look up is for seniors or people with serious medical issues. I want to die.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve spent today with my dad just horrible apologizing for needing to use the restroom every 30 minutes, especially on vacation. I feel so guilty.
Today hit a new low, my body hurts so much I feel like my intestines are going to fall out of me. I haven’t had a solid movement in what feels like years.
I don’t want this.
I feel alone, extremely. I need help.