My son 12y want to move to his dad
I honestly don’t know if I’m looking for advice, reassurance, or just somewhere to let this out. My son is 12 years old and has lived with me his entire life. His father and I separated when he was very young. For years, his father would disappear for months at a time without calling. He did not help raise our son, did not contribute financially, and was never involved in the day-to-day responsibilities of parenting. He wasn’t there for school meetings, medical appointments, football, homework, routines, or the countless decisions and worries that come with raising a child.
Over the years I have gone through breast cancer twice. Even during treatments, surgeries and recovery, I continued to raise my son and provide everything I could. His father did not help with expenses and did not help with medical costs either. The reality is that he knows very little about our son’s daily life because he simply hasn’t been involved in it.
Recently, I gave my son a phone, and for the first time they have regular contact. They message each other frequently and seem to have become very close very quickly. Now my son says he wants to live with his father.
His reasons are that life with me is boring, there are rules here, he has to study, he has limits on gaming and screen time, and he feels there is more family and more exciting things there.
I know he is only 12 and I know children often see the fun side of a situation without understanding the responsibilities behind it. But I would be lying if I said this hasn’t broken my heart. I have spent years carrying the responsibility of raising him alone, through some of the hardest moments of my life, and now I find myself wondering how a parent who was largely absent for most of his life can suddenly become the preferred parent.
Has anyone else experienced this? How did you deal with the hurt, the confusion, and the feeling that your child is choosing someone who was never really there over the parent who always was?