i wanna be better
my sister (18) has suspected i (15) have bpd for some time. i've looked through many websites, took numerous online tests that said i did (91/100), and read things from people who have had friends with bpd. looking at the things people have gone through with people with bpd hurts really bad, i realize i do treat people like that and i'm not a good person. every time i get told no i have this stupid urge to go to the bridge again and sometimes even threaten to hurt myself or worse, i manipulate and tear down others automatically without noticing, constantly test boundaries, and so much more.
my dad is looking for a therapist for me (haha it'll probably end up like him looking for a job hhabaaaa he's been unemployed for 3 months in an economy like THIS dd d dhdbsbsja), but until that happens i need advice on how to be a better person.
i really want to be a better brother and friend. i've lost countless friends and partners because of how i am and i don't want to hurt anyone ever again.