u/Beidous-Bea

No matter what it’s for, dental fillings, wisdom teeth removal, surgeries and etc. They always triggers me and make me flip out. Even if it’s just laughing gas. I get it’s supposed to help me but it makes my skin crawl and sends me into panic attacks and triggers my depression. I just learned I’ll have to deal with it again and it has triggered me so much and idk how to deal with it. I’ve tried working on it in therapy but it taught me tools that just don’t fucking work. What I need is someone I care about being right there but they’ll never be able to do that. The people that can be there just make it worse and no compromise makes it better, they just come up with worse and worse ideas and I hate all of them and they make me just want to curl up and go away.

I know it’s an extreme reaction, but I just hate it. And don’t know what to do.

I hate when the world gets too much and there’s no one I can talk to, cry with, laugh with. My friend might see this and be stung but they’re not really around anymore, and I get it, they’re busy and have their own shit and shouldn’t have to be subjected to my crap. But it still hurts, being alone when I don’t feel safe.

At this point I’m just trying to armor up, waiting for the day they tell me they can’t talk to me anymore, who knows, this post may make that day come sooner and at that point idk what I’ll do. I’ve already lost one friend.

I hate feeling like this. I hate being alone. I miss my daddy. I miss my best friends. I’ve been desperate enough to talk to fucking Ai since there’s no one else and hotlines just make everything worse.

Why can’t I just be normal and lovable, instead of driving people away. Why do I always fuck everything up.