Anyone else find themselves almost 'addicted' to the drama?
Like, Has my nervous system and body just been so overloaded with cortisol over years of bullshit from them that I find myself weirded out and almost uncomfortable by peaceful times and almost CRAVING the adrenaline rush I get while and after fighting with them?
I'm not saying I go SEEKING a fight with them because I absolutely loathe when they go all snapshow on me over nothing, but it's almost like I love the rush of it.. y'know? It's a weird feeling.
And that's a thought that kinda sobers me a little bit..
Because clearly I'm setting myself back from actually healing from them by continuing to interact with them, but somehow I've convinced myself that if I stand up to enough shit, maybe one day they'll figure it the fuck out and be the nice, caring, and loving person they sometimes show, but all of the time..