Hi Reddit,
I am 23F whose been working nights in a hospital for a year ; no pmhx.
Last night I started having normal eye twitches on my right eye that swiftly went away. Well, tonight I was sitting down and then I started having strong eye spasms on my lower eyelid that wouldn’t stop. It would happen 4-6 times at a time then go away. I finally caught one of them on camera. Can anyone explain what may be happening.
I (23F) met Emily (25F) through a Facebook friend group two years ago when I was looking for friends in City A while I was still in college in City B. We would hang out whenever I was in City A. After I graduated last year and officially moved here, we started hanging out more often.
Over time, we became pretty close. We hung out at least once a month, I’ve been to her house, and we both know each other’s family trauma. She knows she is my only friend here and likewise for her.
Recently, I had a lot of social events happen in one month, which is unusual for me. Two groups of my college friends visited me, and I went to Disney with coworkers. I posted these things on social media without thinking much of it.
The first time I posted hanging out with a college friend, Emily posted a TikTok about feeling lonely, saying her only friend had other people to talk to while she had no one, and that even her roommates didn’t want to hang out with her in the living room. I usually interact with her posts, but I didn’t respond because it made me uncomfortable.
Two weeks later, another group of college friends visited. Emily works at an amusement park and had previously told me she had dozens of tickets she didn’t know what to do with. (Me and Emily went twice before using her tickets.) so I asked her for 3 tickets. I saw no issue with asking her as a friend. Because I thought that we had a good enough relationship.
Welp, surprising she told me no. Stating, she had past trauma related to people using her for them and getting in trouble at work. I accepted her answer and my friends and I bought tickets ourselves.
A few hours later, she posted an Instagram note saying something like, “Am I only good for what I can offer people?” I was confused because I felt like it was directed at me. I messaged her asking if she felt like I was using her. She told me no that it had nothing to do with me. Then why did she let the notes expire for me to see it for 24 hours. 🤨. But hey, I let it go.
I tried to move on, but it bothered me because I started thinking about our friendship. I’ve always been the one putting in effort. She doesn’t drive, so I’m always the one driving her places, including dropping her off even though she lives 30 minutes in the opposite direction. Gas is expensive because my car takes premium. Literally none of my friends have ever paid me gas money. She’s also often struggling financially, so I’ve paid for small things here and there. She’s constantly going through something emotionally, and while I cared because I considered her a close friend, it started feeling draining.
Anyway, Less than 24 hours later, she posted multiple stories saying she was going to end her life. I was at a complete loss for words. It was so bizarre. I checked up on her and told her that I would have a wellness check done on her if she doesn’t respond. She told me she was fine it just that her mental health space was spilling on to her posts. Ngl, I was a bit put off from her and decided to just focus on myself ever since.
For the next two weeks, she kept reposting things about being lonely and having no friends. I ignored it.
What bothered me is that this reaction seemed to come right after I asked for a favor for the first time in our entire friendship. I feel like seeing me have other friendships made her realize I wasn’t as alone as she “thought.” The thing is, she knows my personal struggles and knows I don’t have much of support system either, so it hurt that she let social media affect how she treated me.
Another that made me upset after I started to think about it is that she let me spend $200 on tickets when she had an abundance of them and could have easily helped me. I understand boundaries and protecting your peace, but I also think friendships require trust and effort.
What hurt was that she considers me her only friend, but still didn’t trust me enough to help with something she had access to.
I have boundaries too, especially with money, but I help people I trust. I was a low income college student with no parental support, one of the college friends who visited me needed $500 at the time for a security deposit. I sent it from my refund check even though I didn’t have the money to give, but it was because actually I trusted her. She paid me back as soon as the next semester started without me even asking.
For me, it’s not about the tickets, it’s about trust and reciprocity. I don’t expect friends to overextend themselves, but I do believe friendships require mutual effort, and I have never received that from her. Like how do you want community, and you don’t know how to be community for other people.
Not long after, she Emily asked to borrow $20 because she had no food in her house. This is not her first occurrence of not having food To eat. I told her no and I did not feel bad one bit, and it’s honestly because I felt like the friendship had become one-sided.
after I explained that I don’t feel it’s right for her to treat me with suspicion and I can’t do the same, She said she needed space, which I respected. After some time, I told her I was over it and we were fine.
But now I’m starting to feel bad because she’s acting like everything is back to normal, like she texted me saying she framed our photos together.
The problem is I don’t know how to go back to being friends like before because I did talk negatively about about the situation with my friends and siblings. I feel like I would be fake to continue on how we were. Honest opinions please, AITA?
ETA: I see where people are calling me the AH in regard to the ticket situation.
I think it’s cause I tend to operate in a “if I have it, you have it” way with close people. The problem is I expected that same mindset back, and that’s where it starts to feel unfair or entitled. So I see where i went wrong because not everyone has the same values.
Her philosophy seems closer to: "Even if I care about you, some things are still off-limits because they're my boundaries,” which is completely fair.
What also played into it, was that I ended up spending a lot of money handling my own situation, but when she needed help, I was still expected to be the one giving or making things work.
I am just so used to being around people that operate like me that it does form a sense of entitlement whether it’s intentional or not.
So it’s been 6 months since I’ve started working on my own as a nurse and here’s an update on the situation.
So, my sister recently lost her work ID Badge. Someway somehow, when she got it replaced, My ID photo was printed on her badge, which is also linked to her online work account. I kid you not, when she sends emails, it’s my photo on her profile. Guys we look nothing alike. Anyway, It was such a big HR issue. They eventually fixed it for her. But I was so shocked that happened, because we literally work at two different hospitals.