4 years into college and my anxiety around academics isn't getting better — it's getting worse. Why?
Ever since I started college, I've gone through cycles of intense anxiety around midterms and finals — crying, overworking myself, obsessing over grades. But it goes beyond exam stress. I constantly worry about whether I'm learning enough, and I feel genuinely uncomfortable whenever I have free time, like something is wrong if I'm not stressed.
The weird part: I'd compare myself to students in harder programs (like econ) and actually wish I were more stressed. Like being overwhelmed would somehow make me more worthy or disciplined.
This started when I was 16. I'm almost 20 now, with 1–2 years left, and it hasn't gone away. I used to think this was just normal first-year adjustment — but at this point it's affecting my quality of life and, ironically, my actual academic performance.
Why does this happen? And why doesn't it go away on its own?