finally felt like i was getting my life together and then one person came back and undid months of progress without even doing anything
spent most of last year quietly working on myself. therapy, cutting back on drinking, actually saving money for the first time in my adult life, sleeping like a normal person. nothing impressive just small steady stuff and i felt okay for once.
then my older brother got out of a bad situation and needed a place to stay for "a few weeks." that was 3 months ago.
and i don't even blame him for existing but something about being around him just pulls me back into an older version of myself i worked really hard to move away from. the way old family dynamics just automatically restart the second hes in the room. like muscle memory for dysfunction.
im back to not sleeping. that constant low level anxiety is just sitting in my chest again all day. i've skipped like 4 therapy sessions because i feel too drained to even talk. and the most frustrating part is i can't really explain it to anyone because nothing actually happened. no big blowup, no specific incident, just him being him and me slowly becoming who i used to be again
i just miss feeling like i was going somewhere. that's all this is