Took a test last week, I’m around 6 weeks pregnant in MT, USA (abortion is legal here). I’ve always told my husband even when we were dating that I don’t want kids, which he understood. I have previously told him that on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being “i want children more than anything,” I’m a solid 1, maybe 2 or 3 if I get my mental health sorted out. He said he’s between 8 and 10. I asked how he’d feel when he’s older if he never had kids, and he wasn’t exactly excited about the idea of it, but heck, he still married me so idk.
I told my husband I was pregnant over text right after taking the test (he was at work and I’d be at work once he got home). I told him the night before that I would be taking a test the next day because my period was about a week late and my breasts we’re unusually sore/tender, so I thought he’d be at least a little prepared for the outcome, but nope.
He asked what now and I told him either keep it or don’t. We talked a lot more obviously, but it was basically me giving all the reasons why I don’t think we should keep it: I’m still working on my mental health/medication cocktail, he’s just starting his mental health journey, we’re just about to start couples counseling, I have ADHD and crazy executive dysfunction so scheduling appointments and getting to them on time would be a lot to handle, not to mention keeping things clean/doing laundry/cooking meals. Plus we have dogs that we don’t even walk regularly because we’re tired from working so how would we possibly have the energy to care for a whole ass baby??, etc.
His reasons to keep it were that it would give him a reason to go to work everyday since he’d have to support his family, it would make him want to do more things and go on more adventures, and he’d be more likely to save his money instead of spending it since again, family to support. However, he also has ADHD which makes him super impulsive (mostly with money) and he absolutely loves novelty, so I think he’s just excited for the change but not actually thinking about the work and dedication this requires. He also said it could “give me more purpose” and a reason to get out of bed other than work (I have major depression) but I told him that’s a horrible reason to have a baby since a baby’s purpose is to be a baby, not be their mother’s purpose.
We’re financially stable, me more so than him although he makes more than me. We have family nearby who could help babysit when needed. But it’s all just so much. Raising a child requires so much energy, patience, consistency, appointments, money, everything, and even without a kid we both have a hard time keeping our house clean. I can barely shower on a regular basis, how am I supposed to take care of a child if I can’t take care of myself or my home??
When I told him we shouldn’t keep it he said, “You deciding to get rid of it without putting much thought into it is honestly selfish and inconsiderate to me. This affects me as well. Who knows what’s going to happen to me emotionally and mentally if you do get rid of it. And who knows how it’s going to affect our relationship.” I replied, “You have known about this thing for less than 12 hours. And i have told you multiple times that if I got pregnant I would abort it. I have put thought into it, both before and after finding out about it. You thinking I would change my mind on this despite knowing my stance on it for years is what’s selfish and inconsiderate.”
So. There’s that. Later I called my mom to ask her if she thought I would be a good mom (before telling her the news), and she said I’m always good at anything I put my mind to, and my husband got excited at her response so then I got kind of excited about having a kid too, but the feeling keeps fading in and out. I realize now I should have phrased my question more as “I don’t know if I can or want to do this, what do you think I should do?” instead of being hypothetical, but here we are. I can’t tell if it’s hormones or what, but I genuinely can’t figure out how to feel about this or what to do about it.
Any advice or insight is appreciated. I feel like I’m going crazy. First doctor’s appointment is in 3 days. Thank you.