I keep asking questions I know answers too, I keep thinking about people I know & knew, I keep replaying old memories. I keep on keeping what needs to be let go. What are actions you guys do everyday to let go and push yourself?
I am an 18 year old female. I have been smoking marijuana for 4 years, and I occasionally take mushrooms. But everything is extremely controlled & I make sure I know exactly what I am taking to keep my body aware and not be completely impaired. I had taken mushrooms one morning & gone to school. I had done that multiple times before, it helps me calm down. Except this time I didn’t sleep the entire night, and I bought these gummy mushrooms from a new store, (I am used to eating the raw mushroom). So I noticed the effects were extremely subtle. I had taken a dose a couple days prior and didn’t notice anything crazy, and frankly the dose I took that morning was shit too, it wore off in less than 8 hours. I decided to leave school early and go on a walk because I was switching schools anyways so no reason for me to be there. I went to a graveyard (safe spot for me). I had to jump over a fence to get to the graveyard and my wallet fell out of my back-bag without me noticing. My wallet had my presto card & my phone was dead & I had no charger. To walk back to my parents house would’ve taken 3 hours + I was extremely cold, so I decided to go into a McDonald’s and ask the workers if I could borrow a charger to call my parents. They all said no. Nice! So I had to charge my laptop in the McDonald’s and order an uber. I was only able to access my debit card which had $100 in the account. A lot of people were staring at me & no I was not being paranoid, the people literally sitting across from me were saying shit like “Kids are homeless so young nowadays” and looking at me as they were having their conversation… I’m not deaf…or homeless… and a group of teenage girls walked passed me and said “she smells so bad”… ok. So to say the least I was not feeling welcomed. I ordered an uber, but due to my panic I sent to the wrong location. Nice! I cancelled, but I completely forgot it takes 5 business days to get a refund. I had $4 in my account, I was not getting back that $96, and now my only option was to contact my parents. My only way was through email. I had to email my parents to pick me up. They took 6 hours, we live less than an hour away driving. Immediately when my parents arrive my dad starts yelling at me asking if I’m on drugs. At this point I am completely sober, I am just drained. Also a week prior to this incident, I was physically assaulted by police and hospital workers due to a suspicion of me being on drugs in the school residence I was staying at. So to say the least, I was checked out. I start uncontrollably shaking and crying yelling back that I am not on drugs. To then my mom responds with “your jaw is shaking”…I’m stressed. My dad ends up threatening to call the police and pulls out a whole pee bottle from his pocket. I felt safer going to the hospital than going to my parent’s home. So that’s where I went. I still have so much hate in my heart for what they did to me, but hey this gives me a story to tell and more time to learn how to control my emotions under pressure so there’s the silver lining.