What should I do, if I'm scared of everything?
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Hello my fellow Redditors :).
I'm asking you for a advice on how should I deal with my situation.
I'm living currently in Germany, I'm speaking German language on B1 level, and I'm speaking two other languages.
Sooo.
There is a problem.
My friends are saying that I'm working in toxic environment.
I can't take holidays when I wish I could. I can only take days off when my boss is saying. So every year at the same months.
I'm having a weeding in my family, exactly in August.
I've gave my boss this Urlaub Antrag ( paper where I'm asking for a day off ), where I wanted to take one week in August ( this whole situation was in January ). He pointed at it, and said that I can forget about it.
Boss is giving us sometimes so much work to do that we are working whole day without pause.
My coworker who is smoking 15 cigarettes per day doesn't help it, I said to him many times if he can smoke less and maybe open the car window more ( He smokes in the car ).
I don't have Ausbildung ( school with certification for a job ), but I'm doing almost the same thing as my coworker who have this.
Due to this job I got more "black thoughts" , I was in psych ward for almost a half a year, but needed to quit because Employment Office said ( I'm not 100% sure here ) that they can't support me anymore and I should switch to other type of support, or something like that. And I needed to pay rent to my parents.
When my boss found out about that I'm going to psych ward ( I showed him papers from doctor ) he said that "he can't have someone on "sick leave" for so long and on next day he gave me Termination of an employment contract. After psych ward I went back to the same job, because I needed money ASAP, and they said that I can come back later. Three years later and things are the same. Still things are going bad in my head, I've Been looking for another job where I could use my English ( it's better than my German ), but it's very though. I wanted go to school here but guy at Job Agency said that this would be difficult due to my language. I even considered Going back to my home country.
My parents are saying that I should take sick leave, but I'm scared of doing that, hearing things like that my sick leave is making problems for my boss and hearing from my coworker how though was when I was sick.
I'm sorry if I made spelling mistakes, and for that this post is so long and chaotic.
I'm going to bed, so I'm wishing You a good night, or a day!