I think I may lose my FA partner after 16 years...
My partner is a FA - we've been together since we were 14. We share finances, have a dog, house and life together. Last year he seemed really withdrawn and burnt out, his job is high stress we were dealing with a house renovation that needed serious works and I had lost two grandparents. All of which took it's toll on our relationship. In October, he started to withdraw even more. I had been asking him for months if he was ok, if he needed anything, if he wanted space etc and he kept telling me he felt burnt out, tired, overwhelmed and just needed to relax. We were rarely intimate - maybe 1-2 times per month and it felt performative. By December he seemed even more withdrawn and was acting strange.
In February I confronted him about it and told him I'd had enough. He told me that he wasn't in love with me anymore, that he only loved me as a friend. He feels no joy in life for anything. That he hates his life, doesn't know who he is what we wants and feels like he's drowning. That he doesn't want to marry me and the pressure is far too much for him. That he is exhausted, feels numb inside etc. That he fantasises every day about running and what it would be like to be with other people because he is desperate to get away from the way he was feeling.
I after hearing all this, decided to leave him. We separated for around 6 weeks while still talking to each other and meeting once per week. We decided to give it another go. Within those 6 weeks he said he felt like he was in love with me again, wanted to be with me, that we could make it work etc. But as soon as I moved back in he shut down. Was cold and started oscillating again on whether or not he wants to be with me and this has gone on for about 5 weeks now. But what's odd is that he's attracted to me again and initiating sex at least twice per week.
He made 4 attempts to end the relationship. Pathetic I know but I cried, begged, asked him to stay, tried to convince him to give it another go. Each time he did and said he was open to couples therapy. Things would be lovely for 4 days, he'd then go to therapy and he'd be back to where he was before.
On Tuesday he tried to end it and I finally gave up, I said he is obviously going through something, he has my heart I love him fully and don't want this to end but if it makes him happy then I'd be ok with letting him go. And that he should go and be happy. He then broke down and begged me not to leave him, said he wanted to make the relationship work.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? It has been absolute torture and I don't know how much I can take. Why stop me when I was giving you what you wanted?
Also please please be kind as you can appreciate I am really torn and heartbroken.