I was perfectly fine, perhaps too fine, up until 4 months PP. Then random existential thoughts ("What's the point?" questions) began popping up in my mind at random times. I didn't pay them no mind and at 6 months PP I had an anxiety episode and severe dissociation that freaked me out and I haven't been well since. My baby just turned 1.
The sleep deprivation is no joke. I was on the mini pill also and thought it might be the culprit but I stopped taking them in january 5th and I'm still being bothered by these thoughts and a sense of restlessness like I don't know how to relax. I have some good days but feels like these are a result of me being distracted more than a sign of healing. I have no thoughts about hurting my baby or myself, sometimes I do get more irritated than usual and react harshly but that's all. I'm still learning how to self regulate thanks to emotional neglect in my childhood but that's another story.
I do have a history of depression and anxiety disorder, but I treated anxiety successfully and kept it under control through the pandemic, my whole pregnancy (which wasn't planned) and even birth (something always scared me shitless). But all I hear about PPD doesn't match what I'm going through. I have every reason in the word to be grateful (and I am) so really it makes no sense that I'm suddenly stuck in this nihilistic loop and I hate it and feel guilty for being this way.
I'm wondering if anyone else had a similar experience be it with PPD or just the mini pill and how long it took for you to get better? What did you guys do to get better? Do SSRIs help?