u/Benev0lentEntropy

Asking this fucked up question to make a point to the various siblings, parents, aunts, and uncle(fuckers) who want to be involved in the sex lives of their immediate family. Yes, i know its fucked up and YES i am in therapy specifically for survivors of incest.

I am the oldest sibling in a cult religion that focused heavily on birthing babies. Last time we counted, roughly half of us were molested before adulthood, mostly by family. The sibling closest to me in age and in spirit took their life 6 months ago; they mentioned in a suicide note that the family's fixation on fertility and on his genitals were driving factors for him to end things. (Bro was intersex and infertile) My mother lied to the entire family and insisted there was no suicide note. She buried my brother under a name, religion, and gender that were forced on him.

Since then, my family has doubled down on their fixation with stalking me, since i am openly Bi and they see *ANY* form of homosexuality as "sickness" (Apparently incest doesn't bother them as much, as long as it is heteronormative ) One of my uncles - who normally lives out of state - came to my gym to stare/glare at me in an aqua-aerobics class right after the funeral. Legit, I wish I were joking. UncleFucker really popped up in the pool to mean mug me in a bathing suit. 🙄 I ignored his attention-seeking antics; he went home without the fight he was looking for. Sorry, JoJo. Go home to your age gap wife and bully her instead.

Two weeks later, a representative from the Heritage Foundation was snooping through the gym unauthorized. Could be unrelated, but I know my family is involved with that organization and supports their bullshit.

Some of my uncles were sexually inappropriate with us as kids with their hands, other just with nasty language and behavior. All of them were asked to stay away from my sibling's funeral by the deceased himself (in the afore-mentioned suicide note that Mother tried to hide). They showed up anyway to prove that they are in charge. I'm sure my brother's spirit is haunting them now.

I suspect that the sibling who once watched me give birth when she was only 17 (mother dearest pressured us both to allow this) is still in contact with my ex-husband, as info is certainly being passed around and this is a past pattern for her. She previously gave one of my ex-boyfriends /previous stalkers my new contact info because she felt I made a mistake in dumping him. And obviously, the decision of whom I share a bed shouldn't be mine alone to make, right?! </s>

One of my brothers thinks its okay to lecture us about the sin of using birth control if his sisters aren't getting pregnant fast enough. I wish I were joking. I've left family gatherings in tears because I also have fertility issues and have had multiple miscarriages. I'd rather not be lectured at Easter brunch about how I am going to hell for using medically necessary hormone treatment for a diagnosed disorder, or be told that its "God's will" for me to have miscarriage after miscarriage rather than just use a preventative method.

Typing out all of this insanity makes it seem unreal to me, but unfortunately, this is my reality right now. Years ago I went no contact with most of the family; that was only broken because of this funeral. And now they are going out of their way to double down on being psycho control freaks obsessed with having a say in the sex lives of their immediate family... because i guess this wasn't the funeral they were hoping for.

Sadly, 2 out of my 6 sisters let me know that my parents were hoping for me to end my life after I had a TBI and went through a difficult health period. "Mother" says she would "Rather see her children in the grave than see them living in grave sin" and "Doesn't like to imagine the perverted sex we are having" (which she apparently does far too much, despite being asked to STOP) It sounds insane, but their past behavior is also in line with wanting me dead... back in high school, I tried to tell them I was suicidal. Dad told me he was disappointed in me and then taught me to use his handgun. Mom sent me to her cousin instead of to a doctor that wasn't related to my childhood rapist. WTF

Thanks for that, Uncle James. Don't pretend you don't know your father's and grandfather's sins either. Now that I am grown and educated myself, let's talk adult to adult. Tell me why you thought that was okay? Tell me why you supported the way we were groomed and abused?

I will tell you that Matilda has strong words for you.

Unfortunately, no amount of medication can change the last 40 years of mistreatment, nor bring back the dead. But I'm determined to give my family some perspective before I give them another funeral.

So if you've read this far and not shattered your phone against the wall like I did the day my bro left... can you tell my family in plain English how fucked up they are? OR tell me that Grandma Rita is correct - perhaps this is "perfectly normal" and "happens in every family"

ETA: In Grandma's defense. Her father was Uncle James' grandpa, and I guess that man thought certain things were normal. Paging Dr. V...