How to let go of something unattainable?
Love simply isn’t in the cards for me. I spent all my life feeling undesirable and being the butt of “xyz has a crush on you” jokes. I have never experienced someone having feelings for me or even the potential for developing feelings later down the line. I have one ex, but they weren’t ever really invested in our relationship and discarded me the minute I stopped being convenient.
It’s alright, I’m used to it. And I’ve got friends and hobbies to spend time and effort on. It’s just… It hurts to know I’ll never understand what it’s like to be loved back just as intensely. To share my life with someone. To melt away in someone’s arm, comfortable and safe. I have so much tenderness in me, but the world just doesn’t want the kind of person I am.
I just want to make peace with my situation. I have so many lovely people and things in my life that I could pour more love into, if I could just finally accept that this one thing will never be fulfilled. I’m in therapy, but my T always kinda dismisses my concerns, saying that I’m too young to worry about this (I get what she means, but I’ve got pretty solid evidence that my situation likely won’t change. Also, forgot to mention, but I’m neurodivergent and a lesbian). The gym is great, it has upgraded so many aspects of my life, but it just kind of masks the ache, if you get what I mean.
So please, tell me what can I do to finally be at peace with it. I just want to feel okay.