PTSD and SDAM
Hello, all! I am 21F, and I’ve never heard of SDAM before today. I’ve been finding it difficult to find a solid description. Though I know with aphantasia there are varying degrees, I wonder if SDAM has the same leniency (for lack of a better word).
I am a full aphant. I do not visualize thoughts, dreams, noises, scents, songs, etc. I do not have an inner monologue, though i struggle to say that, as I’ve still not come to terms with the idea that people can hear voices in their heads.
I have always struggled with memory. Often, I look back at my journal and read about days I genuinely don’t believe happened. I feel that I only “remember” things if I write them down or take a photo and look back on them. It’s like, I don’t consciously tell myself, “This must be real because I can see myself in the picture,” but I almost feel like that happens automatically in my brain as a comfort?
My main deviation with descriptions of SDAM is my PTSD. I have gone through traumatic events that my body remembers, though my brain does not. I have been in situations in the past where I was put in a position that triggered what I call a “flashback state” where my body enters into a panic attack, and in this state, I couldn’t tell you what event I’m remembering, just that I know it is a trauma response. I may be able to place the type of trauma (i.e. sexual, physical) based on the position or specific trigger, but otherwise, I’m lost.
I wonder if anyone else with aphantasia experiences this and identifies with SDAM.