I may have done something really stupid
Hey guys. I don't know if this is the right subreddit to post this.This event took place in 2022. I was a young stupid boy, I broke up with my ex whom I loved very much. The break-up was really nasty on me because it was the only time I was truly in love. It was so bad that I had a physical pain from the heartbreak. Then, stupidly, I performed some ritual that I saw on YouTube in front of a mirror in my house. It didn't involve any numerically important date or anything arduous like sacrificing a chicken. It involved some incantation in english and asking what you desire(of course i wanted my ex back). I didn't finish the ritual whatsoever, and my ex never came back. Ever since that event I started to become more and more withdrawn from life. I am constantly drained of energy, barely clinging onto my routine. In 2025, I did some magic truffles in Amsterdam. Since I didn't have any prior experience of doing them, I ended up taking a whole pack. And the trip I had was one of the most horrifying experiences I have ever had. I was stuck in the bad trip for nearly 6 hours. In the trip, I was walking on the subway in Paris, and then I got on the train. That train was packed with monsters and entities. After this, I was lying in nothingness all crawled up. The loneliness was really scary, so much so that I started to pray to God to save me from that tormenting loneliness all while surrounded by nothing but darkness. Then, while praying I could feel that God abandoned me. I don't know if this trip is somehow connected to the ritual, I just feel like it is something worth mentioning. I don't have any knowledge of occultism or esotericism. I am just a normal dude. And I feel like I did something really stupid without realizing it. I don't know if my current problems are somehow connected to that ritual. Anyway, thank you for spending time reading this story of my life, if you have some suggestions or advice, feel free to share.