I (36M) feel like my emotions are invalid when talking to my wife (F39)
Hi Reddit,
Burner account, im going to try and explain this from my point of view and how I feel.
Before I(M36) and my wife (F39) became my wife we always had an amazing sex life and love life. Full of love and adored each other. After a kid things have just changed, don't get me wrong I love my girls and having a kid is the best gosh darn thing that could have ever happened. She's everything to me, I juat feel that now my relationship with my wife has moved more to roommates. More like frustrated roommates, I try and make moves, I try and be romantic, I try and do so much but it never gets reciprocated and I feel like an after thought. I think i do more than average around the house by cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing, checking there bathroom, fixing things and basically jumping in anywhere my wife needs help. Nothing is too big or too small, I think we make a great team. It just feels like if I dont make a move nothing will ever happen or she'd be OK not being in my space.
Tonight after 5 days of trying to line things up for some physical quality time she start talking about keeping the couch clean and starts venting about the frustration of cleaning the couch. It's like girl, im here for 5 days trying to connect with you, again I had to initiate and here we are talking about a couch. I just feel like an after thought and feel like I live with a frustrated roommate. I understand she gets touched out, I understand she has long days, I understand parenting our daughter is tough b.c shes high functioning. She never stops and runs experiments all day. But I'm right here and don't feel seen, I feel like she talks to me out of frustration always. I run my own business and this year is looking like or breakout year so my day starts at 6am and doesn't end until I put the little one down at 0930 and get out of her room around 10. I Jam out for 1 hr and them go to bed and do it all over again. I try and kiss my wife and she gives me a little peck and days she didn't want to make or b.c she can't breath or can't give me a long hug b.c she has to watch the kid, I just find there's always something. When I start to talk and explain my emotions I get accused of making it all about me. It's frustrating and I'm literally thinking of putting a mask on and smile but it makes me so sad thinking about that.
I know someone has to give in first and I'm ready, I feel like I do everytime but it never changes. Im sure I'm not the only one, what's your advice?
TL;DR I feel like my emotions are invalid and I think I should just keep quiet. But how can I connect with my best friend, my wife again.