I don't feel like me anymore
Shortly after treatment, I felt great. My depression and anxiety symptoms have reduced to almost nothing and my psychiatrist is considering lowering my med dosages which I've wanted for a while.
The problem is that it's almost two months later and I just don't feel like myself anymore. On a logical level, I understand that I'm doing better. I'm much more functional for sure, but something feels off. On an emotional level, everything feels incorrect. My emotional reactions are completely different, and I don't care about certain things the way I used to.
These changes have made me more well-adjusted. I'm able to handle full-time work and am able to act more professionally with my coworkers. My relationship with my partner is going really well also and my friendships and relationships with family are doing pretty well. Everything seems fine on the outside, but inside I just don't feel like myself.
I have had depression, SI, and anxiety since I was 10, and it just feels wrong to not be depressed. I guess I'm grieving? But mostly I feel ungrateful and selfish. My therapist tells me all the time that I'm making great progress, but it just feels wrong.
I feel like who I was is gone, and now I'm someone else. I feel disconnected and disjointed, and I just want to know has anyone else experienced something similar?
P.S. This is not meant to talk bad about TMS, like I said: my depression and anxiety symptoms have gone to almost zero. This is just my personal emotional reaction to the treatment.