u/Better-Conclusion990

Long story short, right after a very busy morning at the local trampoline park, my boy (ASD Level 3, 4m), had an episode.

We were eating lunch in the car, and I mentioned stopping at the store on the way home. He immediately perked up and excitedly asked if we could get him a bouquet of yellow roses at the store (flowers are his special interest). I told him No, we wouldn’t be getting roses, and the screaming started. Full on, sobbing, red-faced, screaming “Please Mommy please! Yellow roses! Please Mommy let’s go to Safeway and get yellow roses! MOMMY! MOMMY! I WILL KEEP SCREAMING! YELLOW ROSES PLEASE!”

In the end, after 25 minutes of this I was able to get him to calm enough to listen after which I told him we would go to Safeway and get a small bouquet of daisies like we have in the backyard as long as he went into the store with me calmly and only picked out a daisy bouquet. He took deep breaths, calmed, and walked through the store right past the expensive roses and happily picked out a simple $5 bunch of daisies.

Important to add that big reactions from being told No are not common, and also that getting flowers at the grocery store is NOT a common occurrence, only happens once in a blue moon. We usually go and pick wildflowers at the park. But NO alternative was getting through to him.

So here’s my question…. He is my only child. How in the heck do I know if he is having a meltdown, or just throwing a fit because he wanted something and I told him No? Did he just Win by me giving into his need for flowers? Or did I Win by standing my ground and not getting him $25 roses?

These situations are so hard to tackle because I have no parenting experience. I don’t want to tell him that behavior is okay, but I also don’t want to punish him if he was possibly just stuck on a fixation that he couldn’t get over…

So in essence this is a really long post to ask if he played me 🤦‍♀️

Hi Everyone. First time posting here.

My son is 4, and was diagnosed as a Level 3 when he turned 2 (I understand levels aren’t always recognized, but he was in a meltdown for his entire evaluation, non-violent).

Anywho, he has his delays, but overall he is a happy and gentle kid. Loves socializing with adults. Loves routine. Loves trains and flowers and waterfalls. Doesn’t rely on anything in particular to keep him calm. Doesn’t often “present” as autistic to the untrained eye aside from an obvious speech delay and a rigidity in play. No stimming, not typically sensitive to the environment. He is not in ABA, just receives speech and OT through his Sped Pre-K (which he absolutely loves and thrives in).

My problem is the rages and aggression. They not often, but are getting to be more frequent. Usually they are triggered in a flash when he gets upset. The other night his stomach hurt and he woke up multiple times crying. So I had to forcefully administer medication and it was atomic (he usually takes meds fine. Loves them actually). Screaming and launching himself at me over and over again trying to bite and hit. Screaming “let me go I want to bite you!” Throwing books at me, anything within reach. I left him in the room to scream for one second and he begged me to come back in and immediately when I came in I told him he could cry but if he kept biting and hitting I would give him space again. He cried and asked me to sit with him and we rocked and cuddled for 30 minutes.

Then today he got hurt playing a balancing game and immediately went into a rage against me saying I wasn’t “watching him”. Started throwing the bins he was playing with at me, then his toys, anything. So I took him and wrestled him into his car seat because it was time for us to leave. He screamed and screamed, I cried, the works. But then calmed while we drove and we chatted. Went to school happy.

I think I need more outside OT help. It’s at a point where he is getting too strong for me, and my reactions are NOT what they should be. I get anxious and overwhelmed and loud and I try so hard to stay calm but I just end up completely overreacting. And I feel awful everytime. Like I’m a failure.

I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice? Solidarity? I’m just at a loss.

(And when I say my boy is a joy, I absolutely mean it. He is happy and gentle and passionate and LOVES the few people he is close to. Our day to day life is wonderful aside from these rages).

I’m just lost.