I Need Prayer For Someone
Hello Everyone! I just discovered this sub as it came across my feed. I’m a gay Christian and am looking for some support, I guess. A few years ago when I was in university, I wasn‘t out but I ended up meeting this guy who I began talking to. We both liked each other and talked for a while and everything was pretty great. To preface, I never seen myself being in a relationship with anyone before this guy due a number of factors including me being gay but also never having a crush on any guys growing up. I knew I was attracted to guys by the time I was in 4th grade but I just ignored it for the most part.
I’m going to zoom past the details because there is a lot of stuff that happened. It’ll probably be out of order too. Long story short, this was the first time I had ever experienced feelings like these but I messed it up by lying and pretended I never liked him. He ended up being really hurt and I tried to reconcile with him but neither of us handled it really well. I was quite heartbroken but couldn’t really tell anyone because I’m a PK and eventually after telling my parents a few years later they didn’t take it quite well because they think it’s a sin. I moved back in with them after college btw and have been having trouble finding a new job.
The problem is that one day I received a message from God telling me that the guy I was talking to in college was the person I was supposed to marry. I kinda believed it but blew it off as it was just my mind. To me it didn‘t make much sense because even though I was heartbroken, he was the first guy I ever talked to. Which honestly seems to be a recurring theme in my family. Both of my siblings and my parents are quite happily married to the people they first talked to.
Anyway, I kept feeling this guy in my spirit, if that makes sense, but I tried to move on. But God wouldn’t leave me alone about it until I finally acknowledged it. And He quite honestly took me on a long journey of self discovery and learning about who He is. If I was going to be a Christian, I had to learn about God myself and have been using resources like the BibleProject to really get to know God.
There have been several instances where I tried to write off this feeling but every time I tried to deny it God would convict me very strongly. This happened several times ngl. I just wanted to make sure that it wasn’t just me and that it was really God. When God first told me, I was fighting it so hard but couldn’t get rid of it. I had heard of straight couples that God called to be together but never any gay couple so it was all new to me. He was kind enough to keep chasing me and even giving me signs. He put me through a process of healing and trust to the point that even if it’s not true, my love for Him is more than enough.
This has been a four year process for me and my faith and love for God has grown so much. During it, he healed me of a pornography addiction I had gained a few years ago, instantly healed the anger and sadness that I had for years (the intense sadness was up until this year. I prayed to Him about it and He took it away in that very moment. It was 4 year of me going through it) due to this whole situation, and has given me so much peace despite my circumstances. Last year He told me to write a letter to the guy and to be completely honest and vulnerable. I wrote previous letters to him that apologized but were full of pride and not trying to make it seem like I liked him as much as I did. I didn’t know it at first but he read all of them and told me to leave him alone. I promised myself that I would. In truth, I had fallen in love with him. I didn’t tell him the love part but I told him everything else that I needed to apologize for. I wasn’t going to send the letter and left it alone for months but God told me to do so eventually. The day I did, I was incredibly anxious to the point of being extremely sick. I wasn’t going to send it until I saw a sermon talking about when God instructs you to do something to have the faith to do it even when it doesn’t make sense.
I thought that it meant it was time for him to come back into my life but I still had a lot more growth to do and God made it very obvious. So I sent the letter and left it alone and just prayed for the guy because to me it was more important that he was happy than us being together. Earlier this week, I asked God if there was anything He wanted me to do about this situation and that I would do anything he asked. On Monday I had a series of dreams one after the other of me searching for the guy but never being able to find him. I kept waking up after each one ended and eventually asked God what this meant. In the final dream God revealed to me that the guy knows about my desires to reconcile but that the timing isn’t right yet for an outward response. It gave me so much peace because I didn’t know if he got the message. I knew then that I had to keep praying for him like I promised God that I would do no matter what.
I came here to ask for prayers for God’s will to be done in this relationship. And if it’s His will for us to reconcile which I know that it probably is, for it to be done at the right time. I don’t have a group of believers that I can ask to do this with me because they all think it’s a sin to be in a same sex relationship. This is especially prominent in the Black community. But I did ask God to send me someone, anyone, to pray with me and this sub showed up. I don’t know why God is batting so hard for this relationship to happen but I do know that if it’s really Him, it’s for a reason and that I am where I am for a reason.
I would also ask you all to pray for my parents, family and church family. While I know they don’t agree and I have had MANY challenges with my parents about my sexuality (that I never acted upon if we’re being honest), I still love them and know that they are good people. I ask that if it is really true what I feel that God is saying, that he removes the veils from their eyes and open their hearts. I believe that God can do it both for them and the guy I believe He called me to get married. I believe God kept me here for so long because He needed me to see and remember their humanity. That we all have things we need to work on.
So if you all would please, pray for me, the guy, and my family, that God’s will be done. I appreciate all of those who read this. Despite all that I wrote, it is not nearly everything lol. God bless.