u/BetweenYoLegs

My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) have been together for years and recently went through a “break” that completely destroyed me mentally, and I genuinely don’t know anymore if I’m overreacting or if I finally just hit my limit.

For context, the break started because she said she wanted to work on herself, especially how she acts during arguments because she felt like she was hurting me too much whenever we fight. She told me it was for us and for the future of our relationship, not because she wanted someone else or wanted to leave me. We also talked before the break about how nothing would really change publicly/socially between us because I already told her I was scared of feeling emotionally removed.

At first, I’ll admit I handled the break horribly. I was anxious, overthinking everything, asking for reassurance too much, struggling to give proper space, and honestly emotionally unstable. I recognize that now. But as time passed, it started feeling less like “working on ourselves for the relationship” and more like I was slowly being detached from her life while still being expected to trust the process.

She got busy with university, new friends, family stress, and her own life, which I completely understand. But from my perspective, there were so many little things that slowly built up and hurt me over time:

reposting sad relationship content that didn’t really match the reason for the break

changing profile pictures/usernames she never changed before

being emotionally distant sometimes

not being there for my birthday and was being a frustration to her when i called her during the night

sounding annoyed whenever I’d ask for reassurance or a call

me feeling like I had to suppress every emotion just to “respect the break”

And the biggest one for me was social media. I know people will say “it’s just Instagram,” but during the break it honestly became the only visible thing that still made me feel involved in her life. I couldn’t physically see her, we barely talked deeply anymore, and I had no idea how she even talked about us to other people. Being on her socials and bio mattered to me emotionally because it was one of the few consistencies left.

A few nights ago we actually had a really good night together listening to music. Later at around 2AM, I called her a few times because I missed her voice. She didn’t answer, which normally wouldn’t matter much, but the next morning I woke up and realized she unfollowed me and removed me from her Instagram completely.

That honestly broke me.

Not just because of Instagram itself, but because it felt like the final confirmation that I was slowly being pushed out despite everything we originally agreed on. I snapped emotionally and blocked her everywhere and told her I was done.

After that, she emailed me apologizing and explained that she was extremely frustrated because I called multiple times while she was trying to sleep and she “needed to do something.” She also said she’s overwhelmed with university, family, life, and everything in general. And honestly, I believe her. I don’t think she’s evil or intentionally trying to destroy me.

But what hurts is that after talking more, it turns out removing me wasn’t ONLY an impulsive reaction. She also said she thinks it’s better for me not to be on her socials because she thinks I overthink too much from what I see there. Which made me feel like this wasn’t temporary at all, but something she already wanted emotionally.

We ended up almost breaking up again after I told her how exhausted I’ve become mentally from this whole situation. She even said maybe I deserve a better girlfriend and maybe we should just break up. Then later she cried, said she still wants me, doesn’t want to end things this way, and we agreed to try talking again more calmly because both of us were emotionally exhausted.

I genuinely still love her. I know she loves me too in her own way. But I feel like I’ve spent the last month slowly losing myself trying to survive this situation emotionally. I’ve been trying so hard to be understanding, patient, calmer, and respectful of her space, but at the same time I feel emotionally abandoned and constantly confused.

I know I’m not innocent in this. I became overly attached, reactive, reassurance-seeking, and emotionally overwhelming at times. I know that. But I also feel like my emotional reality keeps getting reduced to “you just don’t trust me” when to me it stopped being only about trust a long time ago. It became about constantly feeling unstable, distant, and emotionally unsafe while trying to hold onto someone I deeply love.

I guess I just want honest outside perspectives because I genuinely can’t tell anymore: Am I asking for too much emotionally, or did this relationship dynamic become unhealthy for both of us?

TL;DR

My (19M) girlfriend (19F) and I went on a “break” so she could work on herself and avoid hurting me during arguments. I tried to give space, but over time I started feeling emotionally pushed out, confused, and unstable due to mixed signals, social media changes, and growing distance between us.

Things escalated when she removed me from Instagram after I called her late at night, which felt like confirmation I was being slowly detached despite earlier agreements. I reacted badly and blocked her, but we later talked and she said she was overwhelmed and also felt I overthink too much from what I see online, so removing me wasn’t just impulsive.

We still love each other and want to try again, but I’ve become emotionally exhausted and lost in this dynamic, while also acknowledging I became anxious, overly attached, and reassurance-seeking during the break.

I’m now unsure if I’m asking for too much emotionally (clarity, consistency, reassurance), or if this “break” dynamic has become unhealthy for both of us.