Need honest advice: Married 4 years, husband escalating into extreme "ilmu kebal" & occult practices. Can he be brought back to reality, or is he lost to this? Am I panicking for nothing?
Halo mbak-mbak semua, I’m reaching out here because I really need a grounded reality check from people who understand the cultural context of local occult practices (ilmu kebal, susuk, etc.) and how it impacts a marriage (Kalimantan Tengah/Timur).
A bit of context: I am European, fluent in Indonesian, and I’ve been married to my Indonesian husband for 4 years. We currently live apart due to distance, which keeps me physically safe, but emotionally, I feel like I am watching my husband slip into a completely different world.
Recently, he has gotten deeply involved with a local practitioner (guru) and is undergoing various rituals for blade-resistance (kebal iris), charms, and spirit connections. Seemingly out of nowhere. Since starting this, his behavior and ego have escalated dramatically. He rationalizes his aggression and volatile moods through a narrative of "cleansing" or being a "protector," but in reality, he is becoming increasingly unpredictable, defensive, and detached from basic logic.
What is happening right now:
Escalating Fantasy: He went from basic knife-resistance to claiming he needs more rituals for total invincibility, alongside claims about floating weapons (parang terbang) and spirit possession. Whenever I point out logical or physical flaws, he gets angry or defensive.
Pressure & Intimidation: He and his guru are strongly pushing for me to meet the practitioner, visit their village, and observe these rituals. He’s telling me grand, unsettling stories about his guru (cannibalism, perang sampit).
Emotional Volatility: When I express fear, confusion, or skepticism, he attacks me emotionally—saying I don't support him, that I’m "mad," or threatening divorce because I "don't trust him." To keep the peace on phone calls, I’ve had to force smiles and pretend to play along, which is completely exhausting.
I am feeling overwhelmed, isolated, and anxious.
Part of me keeps wondering:
Am I overreacting or panicking for nothing? Is this just a phase or local cultural interest that I am taking too seriously, or is this as genuine of a red flag as it feels?
Is there ANY way to bring sense back to him? Has anyone ever successfully reasoned with a partner consumed by this mindset, or reached out to a spiritual figure (like an imam) to pull them back to earth without making things worse?
Or does this mean he is lost to me forever? For those familiar with these local dynamics, when someone gets this deep into the ego-high of ilmu kebal and guru dependence, do they ever come back to normal life?
I really care about my husband and our 4 years together, but I don't know how much longer I can pretend everything is fine while he slips deeper into this fantasy.
Terima kasih banyak for any honest, culturally informed perspectives or advice.