r/Perempuan

(Plis baca caption dulu)

Gue pernah ngomong ini ke temen. Dan dia bilang mending ngomongnya frontal tapi kerjanya bener. Gue setuju, tapi jujur sebenernya bisa dibedain yang tegas sama yang agak aneh (?). Dua"nya sama percaya diri tapi tetep ada perbedaan.

Public speaking yang gue maksud adalah kalo mereka diwawancara itu ngasi jawaban efektif tapi tetep diplomatis. Walau diplomatis itu beda tipis sama jawaban muter", tapi gue liet banyak gov officials yang akhir" ini suka memantik api aja di keadaan politik indonesia yang engga bagus" amat lewat perkataan mereka.

Lately i've heard some officials' speech/interviews, and dare i say, i feel like they like to degrade their own people verbally. Even menurut gue kalo oposisinya bukan sesama pejabat (kayak rakyat lu sendiri), ga seharusnya ngomong itu ke orang yg semata" cuma kritik lu dan kebijakan lu.

Im gonna bring some examples here. Purbaya and Ahok. Both have somewhat the same personality in public speaking but theyre still very much different. You can judge yourself. I can name other politicians and officials but i wont.

Wdyt?

Hi girls, gue butuh advice please jangan jahat ya karena gue beneran lagi bingung banget.

Jadi sejak gue pindah negara buat tinggal sama suami gue, gue dikenalin ke temen-temennya. Terus sekitar setahun kemudian dua-duanya punya pacar baru, tapi jujur gue ga terlalu cocok sama mereka. Mereka agak jutek dan interest/personality kita beda banget. Gue ngerti kok beda orang beda selera dan ga semua orang harus langsung nyambung, cuma tiap ngobrol tuh jadinya cuma small talk awkward yang rasanya meaningless banget.

Yang bikin gue makin kepikiran tuh karena di awal gue terlalu cepet add mereka di Instagram karena mikir bakal jadi deket eventually. Tapi sekarang malah gue jadi ngerasa “kesorot” terus sama mereka, kayak ada orang asing mantengin hidup gue gitu sounds dramatic maybe tapi beneran bikin ga nyaman.

Udah lama gue pengen unfollow/remove mereka karena ya itu IG gue juga dan gue pengen social media gue berasa nyaman buat gue sendiri. Tapi banyak orang bilang mending keep the peace aja dan ga usah bikin drama. Jadinya sekarang gue bingung sendiri karena gue juga males ribut atau bikin suasana aneh

Kalau kalian di posisi gue mending diapain? Diemin aja, mute, atau remove sekalian? Gue butuh honest advice banget. Btw mereka udah di mute story and post nya but ultimately gue gamau mereka di IG gue.

Hey Puannn, I just need to vent or share this somewhere because it’s been weighing heavily on my mind.

Lately, it feels like I've been put in places where I keep noticing people celebrating milestones completely alone. I feel strange day by day thinking I should've not fast response and caring long the way for the people I've met; like I shouldn't care that much or being friendly to others. Mungkin dijawab Tuhan kali ya, always amazed but idk if I could take this moment slightly.

A few days ago, I ran into someone celebrating their birthday all by themselves at a coffee bar. Gw kebetulan notice side-hearing obrolan dia sama barista nya (join table, sebelahan); i nimbrung told her happy birthday while lanjut chitchat with my friends :) \*she's so pretty and kind

But today... today was different settings. I was out trying to clear my head and work on my papers, and I saw a girl who had clearly just graduated (buset, make up cakep abis wisuda - bawa buket). But she was sitting completely alone, I compliment her saying she's so pretty then tell her pengen lulus juga (as a normal mahasiswa akhir semester, sorry entp - social butterfly ))):

I don't know what came over me, but I couldn't just ignore it. I noticed her, smiled, and struck up a tiny conversation just to acknowledge her achievement and validate her day. We talked for a bit, and I could see her mood completely shift. She looked genuinely happy after that.

Before we parted ways, she handed me a small note. She wrote that I literally just saved her life because she had been planning to disappear, feeling like her messed-up graduation was the final straw (no one of her family hadir, ditinggalin dan gada temen deket).

I'm talking about this to one of my friends juga, he said today liat self harm di campus park after wisuda. I don't think dunia lagi fine, i just hope all the best for yuuu :( please take a good care of yourself.

\----

So please, if you see someone hitting a milestone alone in public, just smile or say congrats - maybe ada yang juga baru saja lulus wisudaaa (congratss teman-katinggg!!!) if you ever see this, I'm so incredibly proud of u guyss!! you shined so bright today.

ps: drop me by pm your sempro, semhas, pendadaran, perayaan if the schedule-location is possible or even online I'll surely come 😔✨❤️❤️‍🩹

Halo semua mau minta saran gimana caranya biar adek ga kesepian dan g dibully si sekolahnya, for context keluarga kami all of them semuanya itu bener bener pemalu dan diem kalo sm org ga dikenal, buat gua sendiri karna gua audhd biasanya gua targetin beberapa org buat jadi temen untuk jadi 'safe place' di sekolah so my middle school n hs life isnt really that bad ada temen makan dan kelompok, cma di sd karna eng belum maskin jadi ga ada temen and it suck actually.

Kalo adek gua ini skrng lgi sekolah di smp, bener bener pemalu dan susah berkomunikasi sama org lain jadi ga bisa pake cara yg sama, dia bener bener ga ada orang disampingnya di sekolah bener bener sendiri, dilarang bawa hp pula jadi dia biasa di kelas cma tiduran atau bengong sendirian, nah belakangan ini dia cerita yg bener bener bikin aku sakit hati sebagai kaka. Dia dibully secara tidak langsung, skrng dia kelas 8 dan terbilang cukup pinter di kelasnya, dia sering dimanfaatin sm temen temen kelasnya karna dia ga enakan biasanya dia iyain aja, tadi dia baru cerita kalau dia disuruh ngajarin temen kelas nya mtk (karna dia doang yg udh selesai) tapi mereka ga bisa bisa, mereka juga begitu sambil ketawain adek aku (ala cewe??) akhirnya istirahat walaupun mereka belum selesai ngerjain tugas itu. adek aku pergi ke kamar mandi, pas dia keluar dr biliknya ada temen temennya terus dia dicegat, dia disuruh ngerjain tugas mereka, karna ga ada pilihan adekku pun ngerjain tugas mereka dia yg tulisin jga sambil diketawain temen temennya (dan ada 1 temen cewe sd nya)

Di Situasi di rumah kami pun sangat tidak mendukung. Kondisi lingkungan rumah kurang terawat, tidak ada ruang privasi bagi adikku, dia ga punya kamar sendiri, serta hubungan antaranggota keluarga yang kurang harmonis membuat rumah bukan menjadi tempat yang aman baginya (tiap hari literally berantem). Karna keluarga kami emg bukan keluarga berada jadinya buat jalan jalan even ke mall aja susah, selama ini, aku jadi teman bicaranya. Tapi, karena aku akan segera pindah kos di bulan Juli untuk keperluan studi, aku khawatir tentang keselamatannya dan kesehatan mentalnya nanti.

Boleh kasih sarannya aku harus apa sebagai kaka :(

Aku bingung tadi aku udh ngajarin dia buat say no atau sekedar abaikan mereka aja, tapi mukanya berubah kaya langsung diem sambil sedih gt jadi ga aku lanjutin.

Dan aku g percaya sama bk sekolah, karna aku sendiri punya pengalaman g enak di bk, apalgi ini dia dirundung nya sama cewe yg dimana bullying nya itu lebih bersifat pasif agresif jadi g keliatan, yg ada malah makin dirundung dianya:(

cw body issues... maybe?

The comments are not even directed to me! Lol

Long story short, gue selalu struggling sama berat badan. Dua tahun ke belakang nemu "hacks" maintain berat badan tanpa menjadi miserable, yaitu gym dan intermittent fasting. Tapi sejak akhir tahun lalu, gue balik tinggal di rumah, dan susah ngontrol makan karena ortu demen beli snacks (dan gak dimakan!! So they're just laying around the house). Sejak beberapa bulan lalu, mulai magang yang kerja 8-5, sometimes weekend, sometimes kerja di lapangan, jadi jarangggg bgt ngegym krn kesulitan adaptasi dengan jadwal baru. Hasilnya tentu berat badan gue naik 🫩

I've been quite insecure these past few months bcs i think im the biggest I've ever been. Udah kembali mulai IF tapi gym masih susah ngejadwalinnya..

Nah yang bikin kesel adalah manager gue demen komenin badan orang!! Ok maybe not that bad, tapi stray comments ke coworker gue kayak "kamu bisa tuh naik ayunan, kamu kan langsing" atau sejenisnya. Not directed to me, directed to my coworkers, highlighting mereka langsing, and of course I'm not part of it🤣 another moment adalah another coworker, ngobrol sama kami (few coworkers+me), i was zoning out, tapi gue denger "iya gue sama OP diitungnya dua kali ya, kalo lo dan kamu diitungnya setengah hahah" gue GAK tau apakah ngomongin size atau strength atau apa, but it kinda pissed me off.

Again, i know this feelings are triggered by my own insecurity, and i do not make a big deal of it, but it still sucks😶‍🌫️

Just writing it out to put it off my chest lol

TRIGGER WARNING: mention of self-harm and eating disorder

I don't know who else to talk to about this so let me dump my emotions here.

2 bulan ini aku lagi struggle banget sama mental health gara gara hubungan gak jelas ini. Saking parahnya, I even relapsed back into my self-harm and eating disorder even though I was clean for 4+ years before.

But well, just yesterday, aku memutuskan untuk just let things end clearly. I felt like a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Aku jd merasa goblok banget, buat apa aku clinging so hard trying to fix this relationship when it's clearly not working for both of us?

The funny thing is, kata-kata terakhir aku wish her well and hope she recover and say I'm sorry. On the other hand, dia ttp ngata ngatain aku dan gak say sorry atau wish me well on my recovery pdhl dia tau dia yang bikin aku relapse ke self-harm sama eating disorder. No regrets on my part, I still sincerely hope she recover mentally.

I felt so... free? I feel like I can finally be happy again and start recovering. I might even open my heart and start loving again. I feel like I finally got a piece of myself back.

Thank you for listening to my yapping puans, and I hope your day will go well today :)

berapa bulan yang lalu gue sempet post kalo gue punya pikiran untuk lepas jilbab, tapi kondisi lingkungan gue ga memungkinkan, gue ngerasa capek make jilbab, terkekang, lalu beberapa minggu terakhir ini gue mikir ulang lagi, kalo gue lepas jilbab for life... terus gue bakal miss out dong sama jilbab yang cantik-cantik?

karena buat gue, jilbab tuh udah kayak piece of fashion yang feelsnya beda banget sama having your hair done, rasa cantiknya beda, both is cute, and fun of course, tapi main-main warna dengan baju yang lagi dipake itu exclusively seru dengan jilbab, sekarang kan jilbab printed gitu lagi ngetren juga ya, buat gue, jilbab tuh cakep banget buat nambahin warna outfit

tapi kalo lo buka tiktok, atau any sosmed kali ya, dan liat komen di konten orang yang pake jilbabnya 'ga bener', isinya pasti soal mengingatkan kalo "aurat tuh sampe leher, pake jilbab bukan cuma nutup ketombe" "jilbab tuh bukan buat fashion, bukan buat cantik-cantikan" dll lah ya, dan selalu diikuti dengan "kalo makenya ga sesuai, ya mending ga usah make aja, jelek, ga mencerminkan islam", kadang juga ada komen begini "gue yang masih lepas pasang aja ga bakal make jilbab kayak gitu, ga pantes"

selain itu, nyokap irl juga sering bilang "jilbab kamu tuh yang bener makenya, kayak ibu-ibu di pasar, berantakan" dan tentunya, tambahan "kamu ga kasian sama bapakmu masuk neraka kalo kamu ga tutup aurat dengan bener gitu?"

gue selalu marah banget sama semua hal ini, itu yang bikin gue sebelumnya sempat ngerasa mantep banget buat lepas jilbab aja, karena seakan lo ga boleh setengah-setengah, ga boleh suka make ini kain cuma karena fashion, jilbab terkekang dengan tujuan menutup aurat itu kewajiban, udah itu aja, makenya harus bener, saklek, kekangan ini yang bikin orang dengan mudahnya bikin komentar condescending ke orang lain, begitu pikir gue

tapi setelah gue pikir-pikir lagi, gue akhirnya sadar, gue tuh bukan pengen lepas jilbab karena gue benci si kain warna warni ini, justru gue suka banget sama warnanya, gue suka dengan rasa simpelnya, yang bikin gue pengen lepas alasannya ya cuma satu, gue ngerasa terkekang karena ga pengen identitas gue harus dipaksa jadi a doang, atau b doang, gue ga suka kalo gue harus dituntut jadi simbol yang sempurna, sementara ekspektasi orang, kalo lo berjilbab lo harus tertutup leher, rambut, semuanya, all or nothing, keputusan lo untuk makai apapun di badan lo, from head to toe jadi perhatian semua orang

lepas pasang jilbab kesannya gapapa kalo lo dari awal emang jarang berjilbab, katanya 'belajar', tapi kalo lo udah menunjukkan diri lo konsisten berjilbab untuk beberapa saat, lalu suatu hari lo memutuskan untuk lepas, lo akan liat komen yang seakan merendahkan keputusan lo, seakan lo tiba-tiba langsung jadi lonte dengan lepas jilbab

jadi intinya, sori ya kalo agak panjang dan berbelit-belit, gue sekarang bimbang, menurut gue, jilbab jadi over complicated, gue ga bisa suka jilbab cuma sebagai hiasan gue taroh di kepala sebagai statement warna doang, yang ada lo langsung dapet stigma "oh muslim nih" dan orang jadi bisa seenaknya ngejudge lo dan 'dosa' lo karena lo udah jadi simbol agama, ga enak banget, rasanya kayak ga bisa explore serunya jadi cewek, gapernah do your hair(boleh, kalo buat suami katanya)

tapi di luar itu semua ternyata gue deep down suka-suka aja kok sama jilbab.... tapi sebagai fashion item, tanpa baggagenya, eh tapi kan lo ga boleh bikin jilbab sebagai fashion item ya, tapi kalo muslimah kan ga boleh lepas, tapi juga ga boleh seenaknya kalo tetep make jilbab harus yang bener, yaudah sekalian lepas terus aja kalo ga bisa sesuai, ga pantes katanya... gimana dong? malah jadi paradox gini🤷🏻‍♀️

also, udah banyak banget contoh reaksi orang tentang perempuan dan auratnya ini kalo lo merhatiin beberapa kasusnya public figure, dari yang jilbabnya setengah-setengah, atau yang full lepas jilbab, semuanya pernah jadi bahan hujatan, tapi, kalo dipikir-pikir juga... kenapa ya badan perempuan harus diatur segininya? sedih, mau make sesuatu aja harus mikir reaksi society

Puan puan mau tanya ada yang punya pengalaman bikin sepatu buat kerja custom satuan ngga? Istri punya kaki bener bener selalu sakit pakai sepatu kerja, mau merek yang luar macem dr.kong sampe lokal shopee yang 150ribuan. Bahkan dia pake sepatu adidas / vans juga sakit kakinya. Cari sepatu kerja custom karena dipake almost everyday. Modelan sepatu kulit kaya sepatu pramugari gitu. Kalo ada info boleh share yaaa makasihh

Sahabat ane sendiri ternyata lagi proses perceraian. Karena istrinya selingkuh (kalau menurut dia).

Barusan di reddit sebelah juga ada komodo bikin thread otw mau cerai.

Jadi kepikiran.

As the title stated. How do you keep on fighting and go on with life when life is kicking you in the nuts?

My dad has been sick for the past year, and last month the doctor told us he had to get a bypass surgery (open heart surgery), so we've been prepping for it. It's a constant bolak balik ke RS yang pastinya ga makan sedikit biaya. Yes, we are covered by BPJS, but a lot of cost untuk bolak balik etc juga sebenernya kan ga sedikit ya... Apa lagi its been almost a year. Like the past year, dia udh ada dirawat ~5 kali, with 2 major procedures (DSA dan kateter jantung). It's has shot a blow to my finances yang emg at the first place ga begitu baik krn dari awal kerja udh jd sandwich, and as an attempt to secure my future (krn dulu ga mrs bs pny future krn uang abis terus buat urusan rumah), ngambil KPR (yes, dumb, I know), and now im stuck in a looong term debt yang gede.

Last week, my mom found a lump in her breast. Also, there's a 10-50% of it being malignant. She's going to get it biopsied. The house yg gw ambil KPR itu kan gw sewain, been having problems with the tenant, banyak bgt dan the tenant is stressing ALL of us out (me, my parents, the agent, org estate). Akhirnya, dia break lease walaupun hrssnya 2 th so I need to cari a new tenant.

Career-wise, it just sucks too. The boss promised me a 15% increment, dikurang ke 10%, trs business is bad, so literally no increment, even tho ive been there for like 3 years, blm pernah naik at all. Sucks cus honestly, I'm just unhappy with this job. My boss is better these days, but tbh kayak dia juga lumayan abusive verbally even tho he's much better now. Work is work, i guess, hrs ditelen aja, it pays the bills even tho barely paying the bills these days :(

So currently life just sucks. Dealing with financial problems, parents health, :( I see the light cmn kayak jujur udh capek bgt untuk jalan ke light nya huhu :(

I feel so lonely and isolated tbh. I'm just so tired. Jadi ga fokus ngapa2in huhu pengennya just curl up in bed aja capek bgt :( at work im always distracted too kayak im just so scared all the time. its like having grief for my past, present and future at the same time. so much uncertainty.

How do i convince myself everything would be ok? How can i just go on and live my life? :(

Hi! I'm 26 and I don't feel "adult" enough yet. I still feel childish and not mature. I've been in the workforce for almost 5 years (since start of 2022). My career trajectory is basically public accounting firm for 3-4 years then working for my parents.

Why is this relevant? Because I thought working will force me to get more mature! I worked in this public accounting firm until my title is "senior", so I have people under my care, and still I'm not becoming more mature. Right now too, working with my parents, my title is "manager" and I have people under my care but still it doesn't make me more mature.

My immaturity really shines through my communication with other people and my mindset too. I communicate childishly and my mannerism is childish too (I am very "manja" to my friends -all girls-, my family, and my boyfriend). My communication skills are also very bad, I don't think I'm professional enough, like the way I communicate is not professional. For example, I have a staff under my care and I was dissatisfied with his performance and so I scold him, but when I let other people see how I scold him (text), they said it's like I'm scolding my boyfriend instead of my staff. I think both my previous workplace and my current workplace is very lenient towards my communication style and my behavior in general.

My emotional stability is also not that good? Someone mature and professional in my mind, can take control of their emotion and keep themselves level headed even when they are really stressed and angry. But I can't do this, I cried a few times because I'm just so angry...

I just want to know if this is something I can fix and how would I be able to fix it? Or is this just a personality trait?

Aku sudah menikah selama hampir 2 tahun, selama pernikahan kita selalu ada perselisihan. Awal-awal aku masih bersabar, manut aja. Mulai muak semejak hamil, semuanya diatur, mau makan ini diatur, mau ngelakuin itu gaboleh, tanggal lahir anak pun maunya dia yang nentuin (saya caesar), tapi batal karena saya ngotot mau nentuin sendiri, saya yang dibelek kok.

Dia juga sering marah karena merasa diatur oleh saya dan orang tua saya. Jadi kami tinggal sama orang tua saya, dan dari awal dia sudah tau kalau saya tidak mau pindah. Tapi anehnya dia merasa diatur, sesimple diajak makan malam bareng ternyata itu adalah ngatur buat dia. Akhirnya dia mulai menjauh dan milih buat makan di kamar sendiri, jadi saya makan bareng ortu setiap hari dan dia maunya makan di kamar.

Dia kerja di perusahaan bapak saya dan kalau lagi kelai selalu bilang kalau uangnya ga cukup karena gajinya kecil, fyi gajinya 2 digit, makan siang & malam ditanggung, kendaraan disiapkan, uang cuma keluar untuk nyemil, makan diluar, isi bensin dan belanja. Gongnya dia ga pernah nafkahin aku, pernah dikasih beberapa juta di bulan pertama habis married, and then diminta balik semuanya pas kelai. Jadi yang dia bayarin cuma kalau kita makan bareng diluar.

Dia emosian, sesimple mobilnya diselip orang bakalan marah-marah sambil nyelip balik, mobilnya direm mendadak trus jalan pelan didepan orang itu, dan ga lupa orangnya dipelototin pas lagi nyelip.

Setelah punya anak jadi makan parah, anak gaboleh keluar kamar setelah aku makan malam, gaboleh dipegang orang tuaku, gaboleh dibawa pergi, kalau kemana-mana harus ijin dia. Kalau lagi ngamuk dia juga ga peduli anaknya tidur atau engga, bisa teriak-teriak disitu sampai anaknya kaget.

Singkat cerita, karena terlalu sering berselisih, kita sepakat untuk cerai, dan dia minta sumpah mati sambil jabat tangan supaya aku urus perceraiannya. Saya langsung kontak pengacara dan setelah banyak cerita, pengacaranya minta agar kita berdua sepakat dulu untuk bercerai. Saya telpon dia dan dia bilang sepakat asalkan anak kami yang masih bayi ikut dia. Ini anak masih ASI, dia minta anak itu untuk diantar setelah saya pulang kerja ke tempatnya, waktu mau minum susu saya jemput lagi dan kalau mau tidur dibalikin ke dia, kemudian besok paginya saya jemput untuk dibawa pergi kerja bareng saya. Ini menurut saya ga masuk akal, tapi dia ga sepakat kalo ga gini.

Permasalahan utamanya kita masih tinggal bareng dan saya bahas ini disaat dia lagi diluar kota, beberapa hari lagi dia balik dan saya jadi bingung kalau manusia ini balik mau tinggal dimana, karena diliat dari gaya bicaranya dia tetap pengen stay disini.

Kalian-kalian ada ide gimana ngomongnya supaya dia pindah? Atau adakah pengacara yang tau bagaimana penanganan yang tepat untuk orang seperti ini? Karena kalau diusir dia bakalan bikin kericuhan, bisa-bisa kantor saya diobrak-abrik sama dia.

Hallo Puans, belakangan ini aku agak down. Aku anak sulung yang selama ini selalu usahakan yang terbaik untuk siblings dan ortu aku. Fyi aku tinggal diluar negeri sama suami aku sekarang.

Sejak tamat SMA aku udah ga pernah minta duit ke ortu dan aku kerja untuk biayain hidup.
Sejak jaman kuliah pun rajin banget ngirimin ortu sama siblings duit untuk bantu-bantu. Bahkan nikah pun aku ga minta sepeserpun duit karna tau ortuku bukan orang berada, bahkan ortu ku juga ga nanya sama sekali mau dibantuin apa pas nikahan. Sejak jauh dari ortu komunikasi ya biasa aja dan kalo ada keperluan ortuku pasti telepon untuk minta duit.

Aku deket banget sama siblings ku dan berusaha untuk bantuin mereka sebisaku, masalah keuangan dirumah aku masih bantu kalo ada yang rusak atau butuh beli kebutuhan sehari-hari, bantuinnya sekarang semampuku ya.

Siblings ku udah pada kerja semua, kalo mereka ultah aku suka nanya mau dikasih apa, atau dibelikan apa, tapi mereka ga nanya balik pas aku ultah. Bahkan kalo lagi balik ke indo aku selalu dahuluin request an mereka

Tapi, Kalo aku pengen sesuatu aku hrus kirim duit dulu dan request apa aja yg aku mau baru bakalan dibeliin. Jadi pas balik ke luar negeri semua barang dikoper isinya request an aku yang ga secara langsung aku beli pake uangku.

Aku sempet chat an ama salah satu adekku dan nanya dia kenapa dia kurang inisiatif dan dia sih bilangnya karna dia juga ga tau mau ngasih apa, menurut dia aku udah punya semuanya.

Aku ga tau kenapa aku kayak gini, cuman pas denger jawaban dia aku kecewa dan bilang juga ke dia, dia sih minta maaf karna udah buat aku ngerasa kaya gitu dan dia juga bilang kalo aku mau sesuatu dari dia harus aku yang minta biar dia tau aku maunya apa. I am like, that’s so sad. I am showering her with gifts and surprises selama ini tanpa dia minta.

Kenapa aku bertanya-tanya kayak gini? Circle pertemananku disini isinya temen yang tipenya suka kasih kejutan dan kami tipe yang take and give, aku sedikit kecewa karna kenapa siblings aku ga bisa kayak gitu? Aku ngerasa bersalah juga punya perasaan kayak ini ke siblings ku.

How can I get rid of this feeling?

Hi Puans, please excuse me and my trashy language. I just need to rant and you guys seem hella open minded and cool. I feel strangely safe here.

Here we go. Anyone here currently unemployed? Cause I've been busting my ass trying to get a job for the past two months with no success. Ada yg karena gw overqualified, diluar budget, or simply ya ga sreg aja for no fucking reason. Also I just feel like it's a waste of everyone's time loh ga cantumin range gaji di job posting?

Most of my application berlanjut ke interview. A few interviews even. For some reason, udah 3x di ghosting even though aku followed up for the update. No replies. Trus ada juga yg ga kasih reason, they just simply chose the other candidate yg lebih 'cocok'.

At this point I feel like I'm having a crisis. Identity crisis? Quarter life crisis? Financial crisis? All of the above kayaknya.
Unemployment got me questioning my self worth. Am I not smart enough? Am I too honest? Am I too passive? What is wrong with me?

I mean I graduated with a Bachelor's degree dari university di luar negri. I'm pretty smart, I know I'm a good person, and I'm not ugly either.
What the flying fuck is wrong with me?

Stress bgt karena udah bingung harus gimana lagi. Sementara I need to feed my mom and send her money too. I'm an only child and my dad had passed. I've been working since I was 19 to pay for school and feed my mom but bruuuuhhhhh. How the fuck am I gonna send her next week? Tabungan udah abis and still unemployed.
I started selling my preloved Gucci shoes tapi ga laku omfg.

Also if you're wondering kok miskin tp punya Gucci dan sekolah luar negri? Ya dulu kaya.. trus jatuh miskin 😭
Perusahaan nyokap bankrupt karena abangnya yang heartless itu, dan a few years later bokap byebye. Utang yg ditinggalin bokap cukup banyak juga, I paid setengahnya slowly sejak umur 19 sampai sekarang. Masih ada setengah lagi. Don't get me wrong, I have the most amazing parents and I know they didn't see this coming. Utang juga bukan buat aneh aneh so I don't mind paying for it although legally bukan tanggung jawab gw. I just feel like I need to repay it somehow. Oh well. Gila loh, to see my life turned upside down since the day he died.
From being a student in university, to suddenly becoming the bread winner.
Dari bisa beli sepatu mahal, and now here I am pergi donor darah supaya dapet goodiebag dan makan gratis.

Anyway, this feels good. Thank you for allowing me to just be batshit angry here.

Hi Puans, this is going to be a long word vomit – please bear with me or skip to the ending for TLDR 🖤 Trigger warning: mention of suicide attempts

I'm the eldest of two. My parents aren't perfect but I know they did their best within their circumstances and I am learning to accept that it was their first rodeo too. Growing up, I was mostly left on my own devices given that both of my parents were office workers (they're retired a decade ago). I was (forced by the situation to be) an independent child...but without the necessary emotional/psychological support, I grew to develop a deep seated sense of anxiety and loneliness in that "independence".

8 years ago I left Indo to pursue my dream education abroad. It was a miracle, first shot at a prestigious scholarship...and I got it. The only ticket way out (at least it felt that way at the time). Everything was new and exciting. Fast forward a year later, Covid came and took my dear grandpa&ma away while I was abroad. I managed to tough it out as I promised I'd make them proud (and I can't leave the country due to lockdown). Then Covid almost took my dad – thank God he pulled through it. My mom went through everything by herself...she didn't even tell me until later when my dad was deemed ok for release. During all this time, my little brother was hiding his struggles with his uni from me and my parents. My family's finances went downhill with no more savings left (mom kept this info away from me too until much later). I find my way to remain strong during it all, mostly thanks to my housemates and the fact that I have a stipend to support me. I sent what I can back home and saved what remains for myself.

Facing the prospect of returning to Indo at the tailend of Covid...with all the uncertainties of it all (and the fact that my qualification is super niche, no way I'd land a job/project during this) was harrowing. At this point, I was still headstrong in my "hopefulness" (albeit driven by my anxiety). I kept convincing myself that better days will come and there must be a way "out." For a moment it did feel like it as I (again, miraculously) landed a research contract at a dream institute in a different country. So I did that. My family and my partner remained supportive in ways that they can. Deep down I wish I could take them with me.

This time I was completely "independent"...no more safety net from being in a scholarship nor the support of housemates. I told myself to focus hard on my prospects here, send what I can to help family in Indo, and maybe slowly plan to settle down. But the anxiety never stops. It grew and grew into what felt like "am I being egocentric? Doing all these things, enjoying fresh air and a different quality of life by myself yet I can't save my family nor my partner." This feeling is quiet but always there in the back of my mind. Then the day came, with a phonecall from mom...amidst her sobbing finally telling me that not a while a go my brother came to her with a confession that he has attempted suicide. Twice. He promised if by the second try he didn't succeed he would come clean to my mom. I lost my composure and bawled. Utterly disappointed and disgusted at myself...how can I not know that my brother is suffering so much that he attempted to end things. My brother agreed to return home as my parents came to terms with letting him quit uni (as it was one of the main sources of his pain/trauma).

During this period I was lucky enough to have a couple of close friends living nearby, a rock solid therapist, and my supportive LDR partner. But ever since finding out my brother's situation (and imagining how shattered my aging parents must be)... everything became...heavier. Not to mention that my partner was enduring his own struggles and a string of rejections as well. Everyone dear to me is in the middle of battling depression...and I must stand strong for them. Long story short, I decided to return to Indo with a one way ticket. I convinced myself that I will be able to help everyone better by being there...hands on rather than simply monitoring/supporting from afar. Once again I rested in the hope that things will work out the way it's supposed to be. That was 2 years ago.

Two years I tried my darnest to adapt back into this place without losing myself. Or at the very least the best version of myself I found when things were hopeful. For my brother: I do my best to show up and be more present, supportive yet not too pushy so he can find his footing. For my parents: I do my best to be gentle, come to terms with past mistakes, and continue to help pay bills whenever I can. For my partner: I do my best to be compassionate, understanding, and supportive through what seems like the deepest rockbottom period for him. And for myself: I continued to put on this mask pretending that I can find a way out for everyone...while deep down mourning the things that could have been. All while enduring the constant blunders, oppression, exploitation, and suffering happening in this country (and the world). Without the privileges I had before (read: access to therapist, predictable income, minimal sensory assault from loud/bright environment (I am AuDHD if that matters), easy access to nature/parks/libraries to unwind) I found myself rapidly unravelling. I started isolating myself from my friends and just going through the motions numb.

Puans, at this point I feel like I'm barely hanging by a thread. I turned 32 last week and it feels like no matter how hard I try (to help myself or others) nothing will improve/ultimately get better. My partner is finding it hard to picture what the future would like anymore – my brother and parents too although they're not saying it out loud. And I think I'm beginning to lose steam in finding hope as well? To add to things: my partner and I were planning to tie the knot this year...we had plans (or a vision) to move to a smaller life somewhere in kabupaten Semarang just to take a step back from all the chaos we can no longer endure (and sustainably afford) in Jakarta. But with how awful our mental state is right now, it seems like it's wise to postpone rather than push it.

So, how do you remain hopeful and find the strength to be there for yourself and your loved ones during times like these?

I'm not giving up yet...but it sure is enticing.

halo semua id love to hear about other people’s experience going about the procedure in another country which allows it to be done professionally and legally. especially about visa and customs.

trying to decide a destination asap, thank you!

hello, ada yang punya rekoemendasi gynecologist di jakarta selatan/pusat? untuk cek kesehatan reproduksi aja sih, bukan yg spesifik program hamil ya tapiii