r/Perempuan

oke karena sejak 17an kemaren bahasan si pancatera rame, jujur, gue ga pernah denger podcast mereka, gue ga kenal mereka siapa, kecuali marissa anita karena pernah liat di film, tapi dari yang gue liat, orang-orang banyak yang komen kalo mereka itu feminist tanpa class consciousness, dan mereka itu white feminist, gue sempet google apa itu white feminist, which then remind me there's also terms like choice feminist, radical feminist etc.

but okay thats aside of the point, nah pertanyaan gue adalah, what does any of these mean? kek si pancatera misalkan, kenapa mereka disebut white feminist? again, gue ga tau isi obrolan podcast mereka gimana, tapi what makes you a part of any of these labels? secara umum bisa gue tangkap, tapi gimana yaa...

kalo boleh jujur rasanya labeling feminis sekarang mulai divisive, di satu sisi gue ngerti kenapa banyak perempuan ga mau dibilang feminis, tapi di sisi lainnya, kita berdiri di atas perjuangan feminis sebelum kita, jadi gue rasa seorang perempuan jadi anti feminis itu aneh, tapi kok feminisme sekarang kesannya kayak "there's the good feminist, there's the on the surface feminist, there's a bad feminist"

one time on tiktok i saw a sentence that says "i can never be a choice feminist" what does that even mean??? (of course i did read why they said that, i get her but i'm not really asking for the literal explanation here) and so, what really makes you a good one? what's the standard of feminism that makes you a good feminist? enlighten me please, i hope i don't sound dense or anything, i'm genuinely curious as to what you guys think of the current issue

Akhir-akhir ini sering lewat postingan r/virgin di mana banyak orang LN cerita mereka tuh kaya socially pressured to lose their virginity. Gue awalnya bingung kenapa hal kaya gitu pake nyari jawaban ke publik ya?

Hingga suatu hari gw nyadar kalau social pressure itu benar-benar bikin orang bisa mempertanyakan diri & keluarga sendiri.

Hari itu, nyokap gue habis dikata-katain ibu tetangga sebelah karena gue gak laku dan gak mampu menggaet cowo. Nyokap yang lebih sabar (dan educated), tentu cuma bisa mengelus dada dan jawab senetral mungkin biar gak terjadi pertengkaran hebat. Ibu-ibu itu terus nyerocos kalo gue sombong banget karena gak mau dikenalin dan nuduh nyokap juga sombong karena gak kelihatan berminat untuk menerima saran perkenalan (re:perjodohan) dari dia & orang lain.

Waktu nyokap cerita, jursel jujur kesellll kek kenapa jadi nyokap gue di bawa-bawa padahal kan emang gue yang belum minat yak? Nyokap udah amanah kok tiap ada saran dikenalin orang yg baik, selalu disampaikan ke gue.

Gue jadi sadar, orang kalau pendiriannya gak teguh, pasti bakal kemakan sama social pressure dan standar orang lain. Tetanggaku bolak-balik ngasih nyokapku kenalan karena dia merasa kasihan gue "gak laku, gak punya/bisa nyari pacar, dan harus banting tulang kerja nyari duit sendiri" (tmi dia pedagang baju di pasar dan pedagang makanan di rumah, yg mana effortnya pasti berat).

Sedangkan di pikiran keluarga gue, kerja itu artinya meras otak dengan modal uang/pendidikan dan waktu. POV kita dari awal udah beda tapi tetanggaku tetep bersikukuh bahwa lebih enak nikah dan dibiayain laki daripada kerja sendiri.

Pada akhirnya social pressure dan standard orang lain bisa kita tepis kalau kita mau bersabar dan put ourself in their shoes. Gue gak menyalahkan pandangan tetangga karena ya memang itu dunianya, dia memiliki penghidupan dari pasar itu dan gue gak punya hak/kewajiban buat mengubah pandangannya.

Gue punya hak untuk mempertahankan prinsip gue sendiri.

Cuman ya kesel aja sih kok nyokap yg harus dilabrak hari itu, untung belio gak jantungan grgr tetangga meledak-ledak 😭

nb: ini cuma teoriku cmiiw kalo di LN mungkin being virgins itu dipertanyakan karena dianggap kaya anak kecil, sedangkan budayanya kalo udh dewasa diharap berperilaku selayaknya org dewasa termasuk giving away virginity. if anyone can confirm this i would appreciate it!

Hi Puans,

Welcome to Semi-weekly Chat Thread.

Remember to be nice and supportive of each other.

If any issue, please let Mods know.

Hi puans, aku baru aja mau mulai skripsi. Kalo kakak-kakak di sini bisa nulis skripsi mulai dari awal lagi, any tips for me?

The tips i meant lebih ke kayak tips rutinitas ngerjainnya dan biar nggak gampang burnout etc etc

Thank youuuu

Hii all,

Besides cash & cc, wondering how do you pay when you're in Malaysia?

For example, a lot of people seems to recommend either Jenius cc/ debit if it's in Singapore. Karena best in terms kita bisa convert dulu juga ke valasnya di aplikasi.

How about in Malaysia?

Besides cash & cc, how do you pay when you're there? Considering kurs, payment method, etc

Any input are appreciated thank youuu

Sebelumnya, makasih banyak ya puan yang udah mampir di cerita gw sebelumya. Gw mau cerita lagi tentang apa yg terjadi baru-baru ini yg relate sama cerita itu.

Jadi sebenernya gw lagi di LN ngikut suami. Seluruh keluarga dan temen gw di Indo. Gw ga punya siapa-siapa selain suami dan anak disini. Suami ada banyak temen sesama org Indo, gue jg kenal beberapa tapi mmg ga deket.

Karena gw kesepian kronik, siang sepi, malem sepi, jadi gw kerja biar at least siang gw ada kegiatan. Kesepian waktu siang diganti jadi stres kerja. Tapi gw bertahan krn kerjaan inilah yg mengalihkan gw ke pikiran buruk. Gw udah jarang panic attack.

Setaun kerja, gw jadi kenal personal dengan bbrp coworker, mulai direcognize sama atasan, dapet bbrp award. Dan puncaknya, ditawarin untuk disponsorin visa lanjutan.

Untuk pertama kalinya gw merasa beneran bangga sama diri sendiri. Dengan menetap disini, gw bisa kasih pendidikan yg bagus buat anak gw. Lanjutin psikoterapi di negara yg serius nanganin kesehatan mental. Penghasilan gw bisa nambah pesat >!buat anak gw bisa kuliah!<.

Tapi, gue cuma seorang istri.

Karena alasan yg ga bisa gw sebutin, gw withdraw semua dokumen visa, dan dengan berat hati menolak tawaran lanjut kontrak. Gw, suami, dan anak gw mesti pulang.

Hal yg udah gw jalanin sebaik mungkin, mulai jadi bagian dari hidup gw, recognize keberadaan gw di dunia, harus gw tinggalin dan mulai lagi dari 0.

Kejadian yg cukup traumatis. Gw bisa ngerasain ada bagian dari diri gw yg marah banget dengan kejadian itu. Tapi marah itu ga bisa keluar dan triggering hal-hal lain, mungkin termasuk mimpi yg gw ceritain sebelumnya.

Sampai saat ini, gw belum dapet kerja lagi (di Indo atau remote). Doain gw ya. Kemanapun takdir ini membawa gw, gw harus mampu berdiri sendiri. Semoga puan-puan yang lagi mencari jalan juga segera dipertemukan dengan jawabannya.

hello, 23F here! i’ve tried dating men before, and honestly, i could never find anyone who’s genuinely woke and shares similar values with me.
i’m not expecting someone to agree with me on absolutely everything, but having similar values is pretty important to me. i want someone who’s open-minded, socially aware, respectful toward women, emotionally mature, and actually willing to talk about politics, feminism, social issues, etc. without immediately getting defensive.
i’ve tried dating before, but it always feels like i eventually discover that we’re just completely different when it comes to values and how we see the world.
sometimes it genuinely feels like woke men in indonesia are hiding or js dont exist, dating apps haven’t exactly helped either.
so, are any other women here struggling with the same thing? and to the woke indonesian men reading this… where are you guys???

Halo mbak-mbak semua, I’m reaching out here because I really need a grounded reality check from people who understand the cultural context of local occult practices (ilmu kebal, susuk, etc.) and how it impacts a marriage (Kalimantan Tengah/Timur).

A bit of context: I am European, fluent in Indonesian, and I’ve been married to my Indonesian husband for 4 years. We currently live apart due to distance, which keeps me physically safe, but emotionally, I feel like I am watching my husband slip into a completely different world.

Recently, he has gotten deeply involved with a local practitioner (guru) and is undergoing various rituals for blade-resistance (kebal iris), charms, and spirit connections. Seemingly out of nowhere. Since starting this, his behavior and ego have escalated dramatically. He rationalizes his aggression and volatile moods through a narrative of "cleansing" or being a "protector," but in reality, he is becoming increasingly unpredictable, defensive, and detached from basic logic.

What is happening right now:

1. ⁠Escalating Fantasy: He went from basic knife-resistance to claiming he needs more rituals for total invincibility, alongside claims about floating weapons (parang terbang) and spirit possession. Whenever I point out logical or physical flaws, he gets angry or defensive.

2. ⁠Pressure & Intimidation: He and his guru are strongly pushing for me to meet the practitioner, visit their village, and observe these rituals. He’s telling me grand, unsettling stories about his guru (cannibalism, perang sampit).

3. ⁠Emotional Volatility: When I express fear, confusion, or skepticism, he attacks me emotionally—saying I don't support him, that I’m "mad," or threatening divorce because I "don't trust him." To keep the peace on phone calls, I’ve had to force smiles and pretend to play along, which is completely exhausting.
   I am feeling overwhelmed, isolated, and anxious.

Part of me keeps wondering:

Am I overreacting or panicking for nothing? Is this just a phase or local cultural interest that I am taking too seriously, or is this as genuine of a red flag as it feels?

Is there ANY way to bring sense back to him? Has anyone ever successfully reasoned with a partner consumed by this mindset, or reached out to a spiritual figure (like an imam) to pull them back to earth without making things worse?

Or does this mean he is lost to me forever? For those familiar with these local dynamics, when someone gets this deep into the ego-high of ilmu kebal and guru dependence, do they ever come back to normal life?

I really care about my husband and our 4 years together, but I don't know how much longer I can pretend everything is fine while he slips deeper into this fantasy.

Terima kasih banyak for any honest, culturally informed perspectives or advice.

So far menurut aku yang paling sedep hidrasinya itu toner cezanne pink tapi udah g ada lagi di indo. Meskipun ada efek lengketnya jadi kurang enak tapi tetep terdebest sih itu. Yang lain yg udah aku coba yg worth mentioning termasuk hada labo gokyujun (serum dan toner) premium, iunik beta glucan, cosrx snail mucin, roundlab dokdo toner. Kalah jauh semua sama toner cezanne. Kepikiran mau beli hatomugi karena ngarepnya sama sih tapi sebelum co mau tanya pendapat kalian duluu :>

Edit: tipe kulit kombi-kering, comedone-prone (tapi meragukan). Pipi lagi kering banget sampe ketarik hence the stress on hydration and not moist.

Jujur gue cocok banget sama pekerjaan nya, tapi pengalaman gue belum cut out untuk bekerja sebagai one man show. Alhasil, banyak kesalahan dan sering dimarahin sama si founder karena gue direct report ke dia. Padahal gue sudah give my best tapi selalu ada kesalahan. Gue belakangan ini stress banget karena kepikiran banget sama kesalahan gue.

Any advice?

Hi guysss, as the title, drop your best handheld portable fan recommendations for travel

What I'm looking for:

1. Good quality, last long (gacepet rusak)
2. Mini portable fan that's easy to bring around
3. Bisa dicas type C, not battery
4. Good performance in outdoor environment (bisa mayan kenceng anginnya)
5. Kalau bisa, lama juga bisa dipakainya juga kalau udh dicas full
6. Ringan preferably
7. Budget preferably would be under 100k. But I'm considering price ranges depending on quality also. So, If you have recommendations more than the budget, do still drop it because I want to know

Any recommendations are appreciated thank youuuu

I (F24) got a job as a recent abroad freshgrad in a field that's completely different from my background (science background, work is sales/marketing). I chose to work here to fill in time before continuing master's abroad and try to get a scholarship in my dream uni for the 3rd year in a row

The work itself is fine, and the people in the team are mostly nice, but my direct boss is just not there to guide me through things. I've tried to follow his way of doing things, but it's often just not enough or he thinks my questions are stupid. Apparently it's a recurring thing with him based on what I hear from the older coworkers that's worked under him

It's my 3rd month in this job and I've lost all desire to perform or even work because of this. Already got Surat Peringatan 1 since I keep being 1-5min late to work. These days I just clock in, do the bare minimum necessary things to keep the work going, and spend the rest of the time daydreaming or looking at things that I'm interested in while still trying to look busy

Working here made me realise how out of place I am now to the general culture in Indonesia. Aside from my boss, the constant underlying sense of judgement and conservative way of thinking from other coworkers made me feel even more isolated here. But I also understand that I'm really lucky to have this job with an above-average salary for a freshgrad like me

It also opened a whole can of worms for me, whether I will ever find a place somewhere in the world where I can truly do something that makes me happy, or at least tolerate enough to keep doing

For all my life I have always been told "you're too sensitive", "you lack motivation", "you gotta have the grit and perseverace". And the thing is, I fully understand what they mean, and I can see it too. All the wasted potential that could've been utilized had it been given to a more motivated person

My perspective now in life is I just want to have a good time here, and if I'm not, then I don't think it's worth to keep going

I genuinely respect people who have strong will to live even after facing many adversities. I want to be like them, but after everything, I keep going back to "if anything extreme happens to me or my family that affects my quality of life so much for the rest of my life, I'll just end it all"

I wonder if it's my inherent unbalanced brain chemistry, or lack of motivation or willpower, or a mindset problem, or the sheer privilege I have

So I wanna know what others think. How do you change this mindset? Or how do you keep moving forward? Even just sharing what you think is ok. I want to hear others' perspectives on this

Hi Puans,

Welcome to Semi-weekly Chat Thread.

Remember to be nice and supportive of each other.

If any issue, please let Mods know.

So as a woman who is in her late 20s, I have been trying to be open and meeting and getting to know people online. I have met a lot of people and the things I went through.. has been interesting.

For instance, I matched with someone and we had a good video call. However, he suddenly he asked for another one and when I answered he kept saying how aroused he is and then i am exposed of himself jerking off with his ugly ass d1ck.

This is not something that happens once or twice, i have had to endure a lot of unsolicited nudes and horny ass dudes online and it always ends up with me blocking them.

I want to ask the puans in this sub, whether im being too prude or overreacting? I feel violated but at the same time is this something to be expected when im trying to find a connection with someone?

Will I have to normalize that this is just how men are?

Because right now i feel disgusted🥲

Flair nya pelepasan emosi tapi emosinya sebenernya gak kerasa. Gw udah setahun depresi dan emg semua kerasa flat aja.

Tw: depression. Jangan buka profil gw because it will trigger you.

Sejak melahirkan emang gue ngerasain kesepian yang ga ada tandingannya. Pas jomblo rasanya sepi tapi ga ada yg lebih sepi dari 40 hari pertama jadi seorang ibu.

Pernikahan gw kalo diliat disosmed sweet bangeet depan orang juga kita couple goals. Suami gw orang baik, ayah yg baik, mungkin akan jadi suami yg baik bagi istrinya setelah gw. Dia ngasih banyak hal ke gw yang gw syukurin. Just not the one that I actually need.

Gw udah ikhlas kalo keinginan gw bukan manusia yg bisa wujudkan. Gw ikhlas dan sadar diri kalo gaada suami yg sebaik suami gw sekarang dan kalau pisah gue akan berakhir sendiri selamanya. Dan gw gapapa.

Bukan ga pernah berusaha buat ngasih tau apa yg gw butuh. Dan bukan juga gw keep perasaan depresi dan sedih gw sendiri. Its just lately, gue ga lagi nemu kenyamanan bercerita, ga nemu ketenangan hati, dan jujur gw lebih cemas setelah gw cerita perasaan gw yg sensitif ke suami.

Jadi gw nyerah. Gw berusaha menghapus ekspektasi gw untuk ga kesepian di pernikahan ini dan bertahan krn anak gw butuh bapak ibunya di rumah. I know its not ideal. Tapi emg ternyata ga sesimpel itu.

Trus suatu hari gw mimpi, mungkin tuhan ngasih gue trailer kali ya soal apa yg bakal terjadi kalo gue ikutin terus alur ini. Gw liat suami gw kasmaran sama perempuan lain. Jujur hati gw masih ada mencelosnya. Tapi pas bangun, gw ngerasa lega.

Gimana ya, kayak, yaudah kalo itu terjadi kayak mempermudah gw aja nyelesein semua ini. And I am kind of, looking forward to it.

Setelah mimpi itu gw ngebayangin tinggal sendiri dan hak asuh bagi 2. Dan kayaknya gw gapapa. Gw bakal tetep kesepian, tapi mungkin gw bisa berangsur sembuh dari depresi. Gw bisa fokus nabung buat kaburajadulu dan sekolah anak gw sampe kuliah. Kesepian tapi krn emang gw sendiri, bukan kesepian di dalam keluarga cemara.

Udah gitu aja puans. Makasih ya udah mampir :)

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Gue (28) menjalin hubungan sudah 2 tahun, sekitar 2 minggu lalu dia mengakui buat kesalahan yang membuat kami sempet putus (gue yg bilang, dia ga maksa gue untuk stay karna kesalahan ny) tapi gue tarik lagi omongan itu setelah beberapa jam, karna gue merasa sangat kehilangan dia (begitu pun dia) dan gue lagi sangat kesepian.

Ketika kita 'balikan' gue lebih dingin dari biasanya dan ada momen di mana gue ga peduli sama dia (ga nanya kabar, sangat mode teman aja ke dia) akhirnya perasaan dia pun jadi sangat turun dan lebih gapapa untuk kita udahan (ga ngerasa kehilangan gue) saat dia begini, gue menunjukkan bahwa sayang sama dia dan ga siap kehilangan dia.

Karna untuk saat ini pun, gue lagi ngerasa kesepian, (lagi) teman dekat gue hanya 3 dan mereka lagi punya problem masing2 (ga enak klo depent on them). Sedangkan dia punya teman banyak (sangat iri jujur). Kami ketemu via online (jadi kami ga punya mutual teman irl) kalau hangout selalu hanya kami berdua, tidak pernah double date or teman gue atau dia.

Sayang gue masih cukup besar ke dia, tapi sebenarnya rela aja untuk udahin karna kesalahan dia ga bisa gue toleransi. Hanya saja gue sangat kesepian ga ada teman, gue lagi sangat butuh dia menemani hari2 gue. Salahkah gue berperilaku seprti ini?

Gue pengen banget punya banyak teman. Pengen nambah teman. Gue sebagai guru ga punya temen banyak dan dekat di sana. Gue bingung bagaimana caranya nyari teman yg bisa long term. Hobi pun seperti ny tidak ada. Hanya menjalankan aktivtas sehari-hari saja.

Hi there! I'm just wondering if there are indo girls out here that are just kind of exhausted with the dating pool.

I'm 25 and I do know that's a fairly young age, but as we all know dating in Indo is like, get married at 26 and have kids and all. I don't really mind that will not wed by 30, but it does gets to my head when friends my age are getting engaged.

I feel like a lot of us Indos grew up with the understansing that marriage is a must and that somehow wired our brain to chase relationships.

I'm trying to sit with the fact that there is just no one made for me. Tried so many times and so hard as I am always the loser in love, but seems like no man has reciprocated the same amount of effort and feeling as I do. I do grew up with the sentiment of walking down the aisle one day yadda yadda. But that seems so unrealistic now.

Anyone else giving up on dating temporarily or permanently? If so why are you giving up?

Halo kakak kakak wanita karir, mau tanya dong rekom merk sepatu formal buat kerja andalan kalian yang bisa buat jalan jauh atau berdiri lama apa yaa?

Aku biasanya pake flat shoes yg murce aja, cuman pgn belajar yg lebih feminim dewasa lagi. Kaya model pantofel atau high heels tuh bagusnya merk apa ya? Budget di ±500rban.

Rencana jg pengen beli Skechers tp agak shock jg harganya di 800rb - 1jeti. Jujurrrr aku noob banget di dunia persepatuan dan perfashionan cewe ini

Semoga ga salah flair krn bingung kalo fashion masuk mana wkwkwk

Sesuai judul, awalnya tertarik remote bc I like working alone more & WFH. I dislike Jakarta commute, tua dijalan.

It turns out setelah dijalani malah sama aja, overwork juga, bisa sampai lebih malem malahan. Bedanya gaada commutenya aja.

Currently working with people that's still in Asia Tenggara/ Asia. IS IT EITHER ONLY RUNNING YOUR OWN BUSINESS AS THE ANSWER OR WORKING WITH WESTERN PEOPLE????

Astaganaga I want to have more control & freedom for my rights outside of work. HIDUP GA CUMA KERJAAAAAA PLEASEEEE