u/BusinessLifeguard465

Akhir-akhir ini sering lewat postingan r/virgin di mana banyak orang LN cerita mereka tuh kaya socially pressured to lose their virginity. Gue awalnya bingung kenapa hal kaya gitu pake nyari jawaban ke publik ya?

Hingga suatu hari gw nyadar kalau social pressure itu benar-benar bikin orang bisa mempertanyakan diri & keluarga sendiri.

Hari itu, nyokap gue habis dikata-katain ibu tetangga sebelah karena gue gak laku dan gak mampu menggaet cowo. Nyokap yang lebih sabar (dan educated), tentu cuma bisa mengelus dada dan jawab senetral mungkin biar gak terjadi pertengkaran hebat. Ibu-ibu itu terus nyerocos kalo gue sombong banget karena gak mau dikenalin dan nuduh nyokap juga sombong karena gak kelihatan berminat untuk menerima saran perkenalan (re:perjodohan) dari dia & orang lain.

Waktu nyokap cerita, jursel jujur kesellll kek kenapa jadi nyokap gue di bawa-bawa padahal kan emang gue yang belum minat yak? Nyokap udah amanah kok tiap ada saran dikenalin orang yg baik, selalu disampaikan ke gue.

Gue jadi sadar, orang kalau pendiriannya gak teguh, pasti bakal kemakan sama social pressure dan standar orang lain. Tetanggaku bolak-balik ngasih nyokapku kenalan karena dia merasa kasihan gue "gak laku, gak punya/bisa nyari pacar, dan harus banting tulang kerja nyari duit sendiri" (tmi dia pedagang baju di pasar dan pedagang makanan di rumah, yg mana effortnya pasti berat).

Sedangkan di pikiran keluarga gue, kerja itu artinya meras otak dengan modal uang/pendidikan dan waktu. POV kita dari awal udah beda tapi tetanggaku tetep bersikukuh bahwa lebih enak nikah dan dibiayain laki daripada kerja sendiri.

Pada akhirnya social pressure dan standard orang lain bisa kita tepis kalau kita mau bersabar dan put ourself in their shoes. Gue gak menyalahkan pandangan tetangga karena ya memang itu dunianya, dia memiliki penghidupan dari pasar itu dan gue gak punya hak/kewajiban buat mengubah pandangannya.

Gue punya hak untuk mempertahankan prinsip gue sendiri.

Cuman ya kesel aja sih kok nyokap yg harus dilabrak hari itu, untung belio gak jantungan grgr tetangga meledak-ledak 😭

nb: ini cuma teoriku cmiiw kalo di LN mungkin being virgins itu dipertanyakan karena dianggap kaya anak kecil, sedangkan budayanya kalo udh dewasa diharap berperilaku selayaknya org dewasa termasuk giving away virginity. if anyone can confirm this i would appreciate it!

Halo kakak kakak wanita karir, mau tanya dong rekom merk sepatu formal buat kerja andalan kalian yang bisa buat jalan jauh atau berdiri lama apa yaa?

Aku biasanya pake flat shoes yg murce aja, cuman pgn belajar yg lebih feminim dewasa lagi. Kaya model pantofel atau high heels tuh bagusnya merk apa ya? Budget di ±500rban.

Rencana jg pengen beli Skechers tp agak shock jg harganya di 800rb - 1jeti. Jujurrrr aku noob banget di dunia persepatuan dan perfashionan cewe ini

Semoga ga salah flair krn bingung kalo fashion masuk mana wkwkwk

5 tahun sebelumnya aku berkutat di bagian FAT (finance accounting tax) sehingga 95% di office, 5% ke kantor pajak paling cuma setahun sekali

Kemudian aku banting setir ke bidang audit yang mana 50% di office 50% ngecek lapangan. I honestly love the jobdesc but i do not like the culture :(

Like wdym tugas-tugas yang dikasih semuanya lewat omongan doang dan gak tertulis... Beda dgn office lamaku semuanya documented dgn baik, bahkan tugas paling sepele dan mudah pun ditulis.

I feel like I'm walking on eggshells dengan semua orang di sini, senior yg udh biasa kerja lapangan memicingkan mata ketika aku nulis hal yg disuruh mereka. I feel like the dumbest person for documenting the "receipts". Yes i grasp things very slowly soalnya aku juga takut salah krn orang sini kalo negur sampe ke personal, nyelekit dan jahat bgt omongannya kalau ada yg salah salah :/

I feel like i traded my sanity over good salary. Mau resign pun kuatir karena akhir-akhir ini ngecek jobstreet pun gaada yg cocok.

Please tell me are those things normal terjadi di pekerjaan lapangan? Atau ini cuma budaya di tempat baruku aja? Any tips buat bertahan selama aku blm nemu cara keluar dari sini?

not exactly blocked them, just... blocked and then unblocked them on social apps i currently use. but at least i got the idea and courage to do it now. i swear i never have any thought of doing this, it just came today and i executed the idea right away.

it's been like 10 years since that thing happened, i barely remember it, and i barely checked on those "friends" so i was kinda shocked when one of them posted his marriage pics like.... i usually think life has been treating me fairly but when this thing comes, my mind just go blank.

trigger warning: abuse; you can skip to the last paragraphs

>!idk if anyone wants to read the history but i was around 16 and we all used facebook and instagram right. i was more active on IG but i also friended some of my classmates on FB.!<

>!one day i tried to check FB and i saw a multi-user chat, like i've been invited to a chat (not group) with some other accounts. at that time i can still read their names (4-5 boys) and also the whole messages by the time i joined the chat until the time i was kicked from it. !<

>!the whole topics were just how they saw me as a girl who showed off my body, my boobs, sexualizing some other girls in class, etc. if anyone wants to know what i was wearing all the time, yeah of course.... school uniforms....!<

after reading those hateful chatroom, on that day (or maybe days later), i was breaking down on my room crying silently. how could i tell my parents about this? how could those "friends" i trusted do that to me? when we always study together in class, discussing difficult homeworks, and how i always show them how to solve questions (i was top 10 students at school).

i feel like my sincerity to be friends with my classmates was wasted for nothing. my trust to bond friendship was betrayed. and i never really have male friends after that occurrence.

but it also feels like my brain tried to protect me from the sadness by blocking that memory because i keep forgetting that thing for the next 7-8 years. i just recalled that memory when i was already away from all of them, never attending the highschool reunion anymore, and never replying to their casual friendly chat anymore.

and that's how i think a brain protects it's human from traumatic experience, by forgetting and then unlocking the memory at a random time.

thank you all for reading this far. i wish everyone peace and happiness.