u/BigBirdLawyer

I dont use this sub often, and previously i have tried to find a similar post as ive been interested in other people's experiences around this. I may be an outlier, but thought it would be fair to share my experience and growth that has happened since, especially with the amount that subs like these have helped me after the affair.

I was cheated on after being in a dead bedroom for 2 years. Everything was great between us until she had a miscarriage. The connectioned remained, probably grew stronger, but she had a new fear around sex. Two years later, with no therapy or discussions around it, she told me she had lost her sexual attraction to me. She ended up going outside of the relationship to see if she felt it with someone else. We broke up a week later, she moved in with him, and we spent over a year trying to fix things but it never turned into action.

The part I hardly see spoken about, is that i ended up feeling very sexually dysfunctional after DDay; amongst other things. I felt sick thinking about sex, I would have panic attacks, any sexual content would make me think of the affair. I ended up with performance anxiety which compounded the issue, although this was likely worse due to binge drinking a substance abuse.

Sex became something that other people had but I felt disconnected and, to an extent, excluded from. The affair completely changed how I feel, understand, and engage with sex. This feeling lasted for about a year.

I started sleeping with someone new two days after the break up. They had just gone through their own infidelity and we were both heartbroken, distraught, and needed company. I know it was quick, but i do not regret it at all. I feel that this really helped me reclaim something that i had lost. They asked if I was sure, they made me feel comfortable, and we had a great night. We have now been sleeping together multiple times a week for around 16 months.

I wont go into the fine details of what we are both relearning but sex, affection, touch, and whats developing more recently, emotional connection has progressed so much. Im now learning things i didnt know existed about myself. Overall, what were learning, and have learnt, is how to feel safe being intimate with another person. Im not done figuring it out entirely, but i its not something i think about regularly anymore.

I guess as a progress post. Im letting myself move on, im moving into new things, and it no longer scares or upsets me. I have days where I miss my ex, but future plans excite me more. Its more up than it is down now, and last year, crying daily, a total mess, I wouldnt have been able to see this in the future. If thats where you are, doubting it could ever get better, im sure youll find it some day.

First post here after 16 months of posting on r/asoneafterinfidelity. I never liked this sub because it seemed too brutal.

We've spent since February last year trying to talk things through. Not in a relationship, but still talking every day for hours and still very central to each others lives.

What ive realised is she was too scared to act after the damage she caused. I was too empathetic and convinced that if I could understand it all, we could fix it. I used that to justify all of the gaslighting, lying, and terrible things she did. Understanding felt like progress but it doesnt really mean anything unless there is change in actions.

I blocked her a few days ago after she pulled away again. The anger has finally hit. Somehow it took 16 months. She cheated on me and moved in with her physically abusive methhead ex. What kind of explanation was i looking for that could ever justify that? I look back at how many times I asked what she needed, but I cant think of a time when she asked me what I needed.

Im finally realising things about myself. Ive picked up some huge insecurities that I never had before. Ive sabotaged almost everything in my life trying to fix this. Ive been a door mat.

Im going to get back into therapy. Ive re-enrolled in law school.