u/BigCherry5905

I started uni today and long story short I fainted in front of so many students and it was the most humiliating experience ever, especially because my fainting gets triggered by social anxiety.
I’m not feeling good about going to uni tomorrow, I’m worried about it happening again. I struggle a lot with social anxiety and nothing makes me calm down, i avoided starting uni because of it but now I tried to at least give it a chance and my first day goes this way. For whoever has social anxiety as trigger, what helps you the most?

I’m from a Muslim background and homosexuality was forbidden. Growing up from a kid to young teen I was always into girls and at 10ish I remember my parents finding out and threatening me with death. My mom told me if I tell anyone and my community finds out about my sexuality I would be killed and my family would be shamed. Out of fear I kinda suppressed those feelings but still occasionally would have small crushes on girls in my class and female characters from cartoons. At teenagers years I was pretty much “into” guys and girls and I always tried to only date guys due to religion but now that I’m an adult and have left Islam I’m kinda not sure whether I like guys at all(only sexually and not that much, prefer women way more). Whenever I talk to a guy and think about my future I can’t see it at all, I’m only able to imagine my future growing old together with a woman that I love. I feel so lost and this topic makes me want to cry because I don’t know what to do. I’m not homophobic towards others but I feel like i have internalized homophobia towards myself. I’m still scared about my parents finding out or my community, and whenever I actually try to open up to women I freak out and start suppressing my emotions again. It’s like I’m not allowing myself to open up. How can I fix this?