r/latebloomerlesbians

Hi! I'm sorry this is a long one. I (36f) am married to a man, and we have a family together with 3 small children. Over the last year, I have been questioning my sexuality, and have discovered my attraction to women. I couldn't believe the attraction and desire I had been feeling once I finally accepted that I, at the very least, am bisexual. My husband had made me feel like I am not attractive, hadn't shown desire for me, and things had been very rocky over the last few years. He hasnt been particularly nice to me at home, and we had gotten to the point of feeling like roommates, not a married couple. I couldnt talk to him anymore, he wouldnt open up to me, and I felt judged, and had the feeling like he didnt care when I would open up to him. It felt like talking to a wall, he wouldnt ever say much to me.. this is where things had possibly started...

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My daughter started school last year, and I had gotten to know her teacher, who was the same age as myself. Every time I went to pick up my daughter from school we would stay and talk, and would lose track of time...staying outside for upwards of an hour just talking about life, our kids, family, spouses, etc. During this time, I felt her enjoying spending time together, she would always make comments how she loved talking with me too. She would touch my arm when we spoke, and I could see her looking at my mouth when we would talk too (which kind of gave me the reassurance that I wasnt making this all up in my mind). Anyways, the friendship kept building and I started feeling more comfortable with her, and started opening up to her about things that I would talk about with my closest friends. I was so confused, then realized I must be developing feelings for her. She made me feel excited. She acted like she wanted to be around me, to spend time with me and talk with me, which i guess I had been craving since I wasnt getting that at home. I was getting this emotional connection that I havent been getting at home with my husband.

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My husband and I had not spoken a whole lot about much besides the kids, but after talking with a friend, I had decided that I would tell him that I am bisexual. He wanted to confirm I didnt cheat on him, which I hadnt, but said he didnt care what I was, as long as I dont cheat on him. Heres the problem...I really enjoyed spending time with her, and liked how she made me feel. I dont want to leave my husband because I cant be without my children... but I also am not happy with our relationship. Its not what I expected, and im starting to see I could be happy with someone else, or even alone...

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I dont know what im looking for....maybe I just needed to get all of this out.. if you made it this far, thanks for reading.

I've seen posts in here before about feeling like a teenager in a positive way, high sex drive, head over heels in love for the first time, etc.

I feel like a teenager in a bad way. In an "I'm awkward and have no idea what I'm doing and everything is terrifying" way. I'm in my thirties and essentially have no dating experience.

Before I accepted my sexuality, back when I was super Mormon, I went on dates with guys. The vast majority were blind dates set up by friends. I rarely ever got a second date with anyone, which makes sense because looking back it was obvious I wasn't interested. I never flirted, never really did much of anything.

My ex husband was my only serious relationship and we had been friends for a decade beforehand. We got together after an 8 hour long conversation about how to made sense to do so based on Mormon teachings and doctrine. Zero romance. Zero chemistry. Didn't really feel like dating someone to be honest.

So now I'm single with no idea how to interact with women. I kind of just freeze when I see an attractive woman and want to run away. If I see a hot woman on a dating app I immediately freak out and throw my phone across the room.

I imagine the best way to get past this is to practice the social skills I need, like flirting, but since I work full-time and have kids it's really hard to figure out how to do that. Probably easier to go through this when you're young and have less responsibilites. 🙃

Anyone else dealing with this? Or went through this and came out on the other end (please give me your wisdom)?

This person wanted casual and I’m not into casual. I considered it but ultimately it’s not how I’m wired so I decided not to sleep with her. Her reason for ending it was due to me not being super sexually experienced with women. Which really hit at a core insecurity I have since I came out later in life. It’s really hard being late in life and also demisexual since it seems like most want casual and I’m not wired for it. Has anyone else ever gone through this?

My first partner and I are both 21 years old. Over the past few months, I haven’t let her pleasure me anymore because she only wanted to do it without penetration—she wants to keep her long nails. She knows that I’ve wanted penetration for two years now, but recently she’s refused and sulks at the idea of cutting her nails.

I understand her perspective, but it puts me in an awkward position and leaves me feeling unsatisfied. Since we’re in a long-distance relationship and only meet occasionally, I feel like I’m the only one putting in effort now. It hurts and frustrates me. I’m upset with both her and myself.

I'm definitely gonna delete this... this is beeyond embarrassing but please help me thank you.

edit: sorry forgot to mention but no toys since my parents might find them

I’d love to know if anyone relates to this or has any insight.

I’m in my late 30s and have considered myself bisexual for many years. I’ve always fantasized about being with women, but I’ve never actually felt attraction to any woman IRL, and I’ve never had a crush on a woman. I always told myself that if I did, I would act on it. I have lesbian and bisexual friends and live in a very open/liberal community. Conversely, I have had many crushes on men and have often felt attraction to them IRL. When I watch porn, though, I am only drawn to the women, and when I fantasize I think about women much more often than men. I have just accepted that this is my own version of bisexuality.

The first two years with my husband, I felt a huge amount of attraction to him and literally felt like I “craved” intimacy and sex with him. There was zero question in my mind then that I was attracted to him and loved sleeping with him. I have some history of mild sexual trauma, past vaginismus, and I have ADHD, so I sometimes find it hard to relax during sex and don’t always orgasm (even if husband does everything right - he is generous). I always try to be super “present” and in the moment with him because I feel like fantasizing about anyone else or any other situation is disrespectful or even vaguely cheating-esque (maybe this is stupid). One day, I was having trouble climaxing so for the first time ever, I let myself fantasize and thought about being with a woman, and I had my biggest ever orgasm with him. This freaked me out SO MUCH. What scares me is the idea that I might secretly be closeted and somehow deceiving him and myself. I am madly in love with my husband and have no desire of leaving him and no desire of being with a woman IRL. I don’t know if the orgasm meant I’m truly more attracted to women than I am to him, or if it was just liberating to escape into fantasy and not be so “present” (I’m sometimes just laying there worrying about how long it’s taking me to climax, and/or interrogating every sensation, so I’m not sure being “present” is helpful? Other times I orgasm more easily).

Shortly after this experience, I got pregnant, and my libido has changed so much. It’s super low. I’m also on meds that have made both my vulva and vagina feel superrrr uncomfortable (raw, itchy, swollen). My desire for my husband is totally gone at the moment. (My love for him and desire to cuddle/kiss him are still very strong.) I’m sleeping with him still a few times a month because I love him so much, and parts of the experience do still feel good, but many parts hurt, and I don’t feel any attraction to him right now. Sometimes when we watch a movie or something though, I do find myself feeling twinges of attraction still for the women onscreen, even though my libido overall is very diminished. I know pregnancy hormones can be wild…

I guess I’m wondering if anyone relates to this or has insight to share? I know some of you were previously married to men. Am I just overthinking ALL of this and causing myself more distress than is necessary, or is there maybe something here?