Am I discovering something new, or is trauma affecting how I feel about women?
I’m 22 and was raped four months ago. I’m in counseling and have been consistently working through everything. Recently, I met a girl online who makes me really happy, and I’m struggling to understand what my feelings mean.
I’ve been with 40+ men and experienced multiple assaults, but I continued wanting relationships with men afterward. Until recently, I’d never really been sexually interested in women. With this girl, though, I feel both emotionally and sexually attracted to her. I really like her and feel safe talking to her, but we’ve never actually met in person. has anyone ever felt like this and it worked in their favor
I also grew up in a very Southern Baptist community, and my parents have always told my sister and me that dating a woman would break their hearts. Because of that, I feel a lot of shame and fear around these feelings.
She’s coming to visit me in September and driving five hours to spend five days with me, which is exciting but also terrifying.
I’m not looking for a label. I’d love to hear from women who have experienced something similar and how they figured out the difference between trauma, feeling safe with someone, and genuine attraction