Why do I - a clinically diagnosed pwNPD - only attract people pleasers and wallflowers?
M35 here. I've been wondering about this for a while. I'v always struggled with my looks and I am very envirous on handsome men. Devaluation hits hard whenever I see them around social groups, happy, enjoying what I lack.
I'm heterosexual and when it comes to attraction, I exclusively attract women with severely low self-esteem. We're talking people pleasers and wallflower type of women. Never, ever has any other woman been interested in me. That must be one of the reasons why I haven't had that many gfs so far, because people with these traits are kinda rare. I mean, yes, there are a lot more people with self-esteem issues, but most seem to overcompensate (kinda light narc-mode light?).
What does that say about me? I can't see myself from the lense of the outside, so I don't know how others percieve me. I guess I'm ugly. I don't have any confidence issues with skills. But damn, when it comes to looks, I guess I'm fucked. This is something that bothers my NPD a lot, as I can't stand being "lesser" than a majority of the people out there in terms of hotness.
I used to have a fling with a pwBPD, but it was weird, she wasn't a wallflower or people pleaser, but she was obsessed with "winning" me as I "ignored" (her words, I just didn't interact beyond hello and bye) her in the two first years (during college). After graduating, we chatted, then met, then she wanted me to stay overnight. Yeah, but I don't know. I can only attract broken people.
Anyone else with that experience?
Btw I don't want this to be meant in a rude way, but I just want to be honest with my experiences.