r/NPD

I think I may be a narcissist, but I never experience vulnerability. I do think I’m better than everybody and that others are losers, but it isn’t really rooted in anything I’ve done or anything anyone has said to me. I don’t really trust others or really feel they matter, so I don’t see why they should have control over what I think of myself.

I know the grandiosity isn’t reality, but I still experience it as reality. I think I’m very powerful and feel I can do anything I want to do or get anything I want. I also don’t have much interest in others other than what I can get from them.

I never really experience others as truly mattering. I don’t really feel they need to admire me or anything. I just don’t see the point, because I already feel better than them so they don’t matter much to me. I just want whatever I can get from them.

I like power because it feels reliable, but I don’t really care about validation or being thought highly of unless the person liking me will get me something else. I just feel what they think of me isn’t that important because they’re worthless to me. I’m not saying they’re worthless as a person, I’m sure they have people who value them and that their life is meaningful in some way, but it’s not really my problem. I just want whatever stuff or opportunities I can get from them.

It doesn’t really seem to be causing me any issues other than none of my relationships having depth from my perspective. But I don’t feel empty. I feel important and powerful, and I don’t doubt myself ever, even when something that blatantly contradicts my view of myself happens. So I don't really see the supposed downside for me.

Is it possible I’m just not a narcissist and I just think too highly of myself? Even if I were a narcissist, it wouldn’t matter much to me, because I don’t really care about anybody else, so I wouldn’t feel the need to “fix” it. But I’m curious: doesn’t really feel like I have a disorder when I just feel good every day. My grandiosity doesn’t really seem prone to collapsing despite not being rooted in reality. Whenever I worry in any situation, I just think about how powerful I am and it goes away. I can admit it’s not reality, but I don’t care and keep thinking it’s real. But it’s not delusion either, because I can tell you it’s not objective reality

I do think it's more of protection against anxiety than shame in my case, I had a very unpredictable life growing up but I don't really care much about that nowadays.

Hi Folks.

37, male. Empathy is so misunderstood. I'd be interested if anyone experiences the same as myself. If I do something wrong, I feel terrible, guilty and self flagellate for years about it. However, I feel incapable of forgiving myself.

Recently, I've been wondering whether or not I am actually projecting the pain of the other person onto myself and truly empathising or if it's actually just the case that I'm attacking myself as a form of hopeful self cleansing.

In that respect, I'm not entirely sure what empathy actually is. Is it empathetic to hurt ourselves when we hurt others? That seems to be my only understanding of what might approach empathy. Some form of bizarre repentance? I can't really objectively empathise. If indeed that is a thing.

In all cases, I feel absolutely able to hurt myself in the way that I feel I have hurt others (and indeed I do this regularly). I have OCD and intrusive thoughts.. however, I'm not convinced that I am really empathising.

I am not diagnosed with NPD but do have Narc. Traits. My father was a narcissistic abuser, it's not difficult to see where it came from. Fascinated to see if any other folks here have experienced a strange relationship with "empathy" and a struggle to really understand what it is.

Empathy seems to a word that is banded around. What does it actually mean to you?

Cheers,

J

I'm interested to hear since I can personally remember signs as early my memory reaches, which I find unsettling.

I remember being maybe 5yo and hurting my leg, I wasn't scared of the pain but rather the fact that I'd have to tell mom and it felt incredibly humiliating to admit I needed help, I remember practically always being embarrassed by my needs. (all though my mom wasn't mad or anything, i really don't understand why I've always felt that way)

I also remember lying and making my sister do stuff for me, for example lying to our mom that she made a mess in my room when it had been me, and then being able to watch TV with mom while my sister cried and cleaned up my messes.

I could come up with a lot of other examples too, it makes me sad I've always been like this

MY SELF CHILDHOOD IMAGE:

My childhood involved being the class topper. I lied to my friends that I live in a huge mansion. I told them that I have 30+ unofficial names. I saw them having bfs in primary school and I wrote myself a letter faking the handwriting that it came from a neighbour who was in love with me. I was ashamed of my dad's age and told them that my dad was very young and that this dude was my uncle.

WHAT CHANGED?

I'm not proud and feel heartbroken about not acknowledging my dad.

MY FIRST LOVE?

My first ever crush rejected my proposal. How dare he? As a 13 years old child, I abused the hell out if him like a grown adult. I'd wear nice clothes around him and even joined the same tuition. I would walk for 15 mins till I reached his area and buy snacks at the mini shop. He later found my cousin pretty. She was, no doubt. They dated and I went through a mental breakdown. My cousin broke up from him in a week. He used to laugh at my cystic acne. He later told my first bf that I'm a sl*t. Not true at all as I never dated before. But he was someone I literally deleted from my mind. He never liked me..

WHAT CHANGED?

HE DIED from organ damage from drugs.. My heart broke into pieces and I cried so much. I went to his funeral in his new house. He had everything set. He was about to get married. We became usual friends and texted occasionally. He had even asked me to meet him near the supermarket before he died. I refused as he is engaged. He always texted me when he saw me walking and always honked and smiled at me. He was an exceptional person. I wish the world had created more people like him. I once felt a hand on my shoulder while crying. I think it was him. Thinking about his pure love for others is healing. He spoke highly of his fiancé.

So my question is, how did I reach here?

From pure hatred towards people who hurt me to actual love?

the thing i resonate most with about affective empathy is contagious laughter, but its funny because i only have it when its in response to something fictional or otherwise far enough away from me that my defenses are lowered. usually, when im with someone and they're laughing i pretend to smile and laugh back because its polite, but i can't help but get angry at it because i feel like its an act or that its annoying and inconsiderate and i also just don't share that feeling so it MUST be below me. dont even get me started on groups laughing. i had these two friends that would always feed off of each other's laughter and keep laughing for literally what felt like forever and it was getting nauseating trying to fake laughing along for like 4 minutes whilst they composed themselves GOD does it make me angry and bored. i think that my capacity for affective empathy is certainly not non existent (which is a misconception about us anyway right?) but definitely impaired and im curious about how you guys feel affective empathy when or if you do towards people or fictional characters or animals. i tend to really only have contagious laughter under those specific circumstances, or sadness and anger on behalf of children on the rare occasions that i do experience affective empathy.

(my cognitive empathy on the other hand is absolutely spotless xx)

I have a "best friend" who is autistic, we've know each other for years and have a lot of mutual friends, in fact almost all my friends are her friends too.

We got close because we were both addicts, but after both of us getting sober(ish) I've really started to hate her, I've tried to talk to her about some things but they are mostly the symptoms of her autism that really irk me, so none of those convos lead anywhere, she just says she can't help it and is trying her best etc (which I do believe) but nothing changes and my disgust toward her steadily grows bigger.

What can I do? I can't leave her because what would that do to my image? From all of our mutual friends perspective I would be the bad guy for leaving her because of her autism.. That sounds awful and I'm not willing to do that.

But she's not doing anything bad enough to break our friendship over either, I just really hate how she is as a person, how she speaks, how she doesn't understand social rules, how she only talks about her own stupid things and can't listen to mine, doesn't show any interest in me etc, basically she's the worst narcissist supply there is, her company makes me feel insecure and awful about myself and I can't take it, the annoyance I could maybe handle but it's torture to feel my own self-image actively deteriorating in her company.

As I said in a previous post, me and my now ex-girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago. I have to say, I haven't responded badly like I was expecting.

When someone I knew left (before her) I completely lost it. I had known this person for about a year, so a lot longer than my ex - I was angry, horrified that someone would leave me for their partner. After everything I did for that person and they left me. But I didn't respond like that when my ex broke up with me. I'll admit it, it was my fault we broke up, my behavior over a period of time. Which is understandable and I do take accountability for it.

But what I'm struggling with, is whether or not my response to this (admitting I was in the wrong, not responding with such anger and everything else you'd expect) is just a way of protecting myself? Am I just subtly boosting my own ego by saying I'm going to focus on myself and that I don't care??

Granted I did "detach" myself from her before we broke up. I no longer care about her, but I still want her to care for me. And to be honest, it makes me feel like shit. I don't want to be this person, and I am trying. But the more I try, the more I spiral. It's a constant battle between 'yes it's my fault, I'll work on myself and be better' and 'well, it's also her fault we broke up. She wasn't perfect. She can't just blame me'.

It doesn't help that she supposedly doesn't have notifications switched on for Instagram, and yet is reposting things on there and viewing my story. I don't appreciate being lied to after everything I did for her, I don't appreciate being ignored like that while I was communicating with her over an issue she created. She wanted me to communicate more, but she doesn't do it or lies/ignores me when I do?? What the fuck. Lol, sorry. That's such a tangent. (The issue has been resolved I'm just frustrated that she's being like this)

I wouldn't say I'm particularly looking for comfort. Just a logical response I suppose? Just advice or something. Please do ask for more information, or if this doesn't make sense.

I have no interest in anything. Everything I used to do for fun as a child was all a form of escapism.

In school, the fear of being looked down upon by teachers or humiliated by other students is what forced me to keep my grades in check.

At the end of high school, I had no idea what to pursue since the only thing that I wanted to do during my free time as a teen was to eat, sleep and spend hours on the Internet researching why I am the way I am.

Because I wasn't passionate about what I was pursuing and was also afraid of getting a job, I did really bad during my bachelor and have been unemployed for a year.

Even now, I only do things to avoid humiliation, like showing up to hangouts to not be hated by my friends.

Therapy hasn't helped me at all in the past because they think I'm a sweet person and they just give me the same advice my mom gives me for free.

I seriously need some support. No one replied to my last post and I know this is entitled but I’m really looking for some support right now. Everything feels fake and I feel like a terrible person because of it. No one feels real. Can’t connect with anyone cause I don’t feel safe in my body

I reposted my last post to another subreddit and no one even commented or looked at it. Admittedly I want attention right now. It would make me feel better… I guess about myself or something related to ego. Feels like I’m spiraling. On a family vacation and I feel dysregualted, confused, and overwhelmed with my own emotional state. Feels like I’m going to die

Help please. Please help me

Met someone, we connect really well intellectually, lots of good chat, he's an academic at the top ranked uni in my country so is very smart, have the same odd sense of humour etc...

Indicators it's healthy(ish):

- I'm not idealising him (when I idealise then I tend to crash out and break up with them when I eventually see them as a normal human)

- We're meeting up max twice a week so not going to quickly

- I'm not fully masking/think I'm only masking as much as most people do in early dating (I.e. been open - but not trauma dumping - about a complicated childhood, open about ADHD, open about the fact I am avoidant, not putting on my ultra femme personality etc)

Question-marks I have:

- He validates my intellect/brain (which is like crack to me cos most guys just compliment looks) so idk if this is just a rarer form of supply that will eventually get old

- I've lost my cat who was my source of consistency so not sure if I'm attracted to him just because I want one constant anchor in my life

- I'm not sure if the interest is in him or what he has/represents (he's a tenured professor so top of his field and I really respect that)

- Because I'm not idealising/limerancing on him I'm a bit worried about my long-term ability to stay faithful (has been an issue in the past)

Idk I've just left six exes before/not been faithful and kinda don't want to go through another break-up/increase my negative relationship karma

So how you know early on whether you're entering a relationship for the right reasons?

How do you trust yourself to get into a relationship knowing that there's a not insignificant chance you're just going to hurt the other person?

Hello I just got diagnosed with NPD while having other diagnosis too, a bodernarcissist. I fit 7/9 of the criteria but I dont think I fit the "association with high status people" criteria, can anyone explain what it is? Does anyone else relate?

I'm a high-ranking executive at a company. I lie, so much. It's like a language. I've been lying about everything my whole life, sometimes strategically, sometimes for no reason, a lot of times to feed my own ego.

As I began this job, which, I love, and I want to grow and climb the corporate ladder even further, I've often come across several business partners that I hold meetings with. I'm getting into trouble very often because I am extremely impulsive with the way I tell lies. A lot of times they help, and we get deals made, other times they're completely unnecessary, and they end up hurting deals or making the situation worse for me. Thankfully I haven't told a that would end up getting me fired, but I can't help but wonder how high I could've climbed if I had just told the truth sometimes.

I'm so tired of my discard cycle with people I date. I just want to find someone i like without love bombing them and then throwing it away. I have comorbid aspd and adhd and sometimes I wonder if I will be alone forever

Hey yall,

I’m wondering if anyone has had the experience (or success) of seeking out and procuring a therapist with either of these diagnoses? I feel like the logic is straightforward as to why one with these conditions would want someone with them as well, but I also know in some ways a therapist with a cluster B disorder is a bit of an oxymoron. I’m diagnosed with both, and have seen this channel as very helpful in reflecting back my own experiences and feelings, and think the same would be true with a professional of our community.

It is my birthday today, and after working a 14 hour shift into midnight, I need a bit of validation. 😈

I said before. Most people are learned about us from instagram post, and it is usually a goth girl with broken heart after a failed relationship talking about "how narcissistic" her ex was and not even instagram/tiktok doctors or psychologists!

I always tell people I am a self-aware narcissist and they say "it's impossible". But when they see my narcissistic behavior, I am the evil one.

I just need an explanation about it to provide to people who are not aware of existence of self-aware narcissists.

It is only me that can’t give the proper value to a, either dangerous or normal, situations unless I find myself in it? I understand that part of this experience could be due to a lack of affective empathy, but for example to me words has almost no meaning. Whether you are talking about flowers or terrorism, to me is the same, I just pretend the reaction. Even if someone would tell me that tomorrow a tsunami will hit my house, I would still react logically and calmly. Sometimes instead react really calmly if the problem doesn’t involve a direct social confrontation or if the situation is completely reversible. Sometimes instead I don’t give a f about it simply because I don’t understand the consequences or at least are obfuscated. Other times I avoid to face my errors by denying consequences (apparently). Other times I can worry about something only if I force my mind to think and materialize the consequences of a behavior or an action. Has someone of you experienced something similar? It is detachment? stupidity? Superficiality? Neurodivergence? Trauma? A mix of all of these?

Another note I would add: before the canonic narcissistic collapse, I was really and profoundly naive about social dynamics (After the collapse I started to connect the dots and develope a sort of cognitive empathy thanks to tv series, that I watch compulsively and observation) and physical consequences of actions, at the point that sometimes I could have ended really hurted, but this happened even if I am rationally aware of the consequences. It’s like I don’t trust my knowledge or others knowledge unless I experience the behavior, and sometimes I even tend to repeat it.

I clearly remember that in my childhood I actively, constantly tried to know how to treat with my peers. Every time I had to change my classmates I would sum up all the dynamics I mapped out from the observations I made, but every time they didn’t work and I ended up mocked. I started to think that I wasn’t intelligent enough to interact with my peers. Maybe it was just immaturity due to the trauma or something else or I really was an idiot.

How do you miss people?
Very weird question, I know (T-T).

It's a wall I have banged my head against too often for me to ignore, so I really do need answers now.
I find it hard to feel the absence of people, it's like once someone's out of my line of sight they do not exist anymore. People contact me abruptly which constantly throws me off, because it makes me feel like I am missing something internally that should remind me of them as well.

I experience most of my relationships like dropping a seashell in the sand, where I can just walk around and eventually come across the seashell once again. But people seem to need to check up on the seashell, to see whether it is still in the same spot, and if it still looks the same etc (which my mind doesn't do automatically).
How do I exist in their mind when I'm away? I don't understand it at all. And also, how do I make them still exist in my mind when they are away?

Not sure if I deserve this, but I'm collapsing again.

I'm trapped in a life I do not want, nor ever really want but to keep control of my environment, I entered into it.

Flipped my life upside down, on the outside it's better - on the inside it's 10x worse.

It's not safe, I'm exposed and I'm trapped in a bunch of lies.

Worse thing is, family are involved too so I'm never really escaping this.

I remember when 'involving' myself more, the way I justified it was 'as long as you suicide after, you can keep going'.

So I'm here now, stressed. Actively seeking a suicide method is calming me down, so I wasn't lying to myself when I kept impulsively getting involved in this.

It's actually quite relaxing.

I guess it's a source of freedom/control, I guess also knowing in my situation there's no other way out of this. I can't fight my way out, it's too risky.

If I fold too, or open up, it's over.