u/GoodKid_TheySay

Do you (always) like your friends?

I've noticed that I always go through the same pattern: one day, I can really like and love a friend, be proud of them and admire their qualities. The next day, however, I become their biggest hater in my mind — I hate everything they say, how they think, how they look and how they act. I find them irritating to be around. I don't show it to them though. I'm still a supportive friend, and I can maintain a friendship for years, but my thoughts and feelings are killing me. A lot of the time, I'm just pretending that I like my friends and enjoy spending time with them.

I don't know if this is normal for someone with NPD, or if it's a result of not really knowing myself and keeping friends just for the sake of it, so I don't end up alone.

How do you deal with regret and mourning the version of yourself that could have been without your ADHD?

Without going into too much detail, my biggest regret in life is quitting music school twice and not finishing music college. I have a bachelor's degree, but it's pointless. I have a job that I quite like, but every day I dream of being a musician. Every day, I feel like I'm living a substitute life. This feeling of regret and grief is eating me alive.