u/IHaveNoBeef

Had an argument with a bi woman over this a few months back. I mean MONTHS back and it offended her so badly that she had to come back to the convo for a second round. Pretty sure she just felt bad because she knew that what she was doing was wrong.

Apparently, it's identity policing to tell someone that it's stupid for them to identify as something that they're self admittedly not.

Even tried to say I'm "being biphobic". One question, how can I be biphobic against her if she doesn't even identify as bi?

The math ain't mathing

Anytime I make the slightest mistake, or remember something embarrassing that I did, it's hard not to fall into a rapid shame spiral. I ruminate a lot, and I've been trying to be better about that. Sometimes it gets so bad that I will repeat stuff like "I'm a bad person" or "I'm a fucking idiot" to myself over and over again. Which I have also been trying not to do. Especially because I almost did it at work where a coworker could hear me. That's even more embarrassing.

My entire life I feel like I've been chasing an idealized self, and most of my sadness comes from the realization that there is a huge gap between who I actually am and the imagined version of me.

Recently, I've been going through a very long depressive episode where I just feel completely stuck and I look at how well the people who have hurt me are doing, and it makes me feel so frustrated. All I want is to get plastic surgery, be hugely successful in some way, and finally be good enough for others to notice me and regret the way they've treated me.

Extremely childish, I know. I just want to be somebody.

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I'm just curious. My imagination is pretty vivid. I can imagine scenes, sounds, and textures. Sometimes I get so engrossed in whatever I'm thinking about that I'll pace around and almost "act it out" or mouth the words out. Movement also helps me think better. But I've noticed that I can't imagine tastes or smells at all. When I try to, it's just nothing.

So, I'm just curious to know if other people are able to or if most of ya'll are like me.

Anytime I try to make posts like this, they turn into huge walls of text about nothing in particular. But that's because every detail feels weirdly important. It's hard to nail one thing down without it turning into an exposition dump, but I'm going to do the best that I can. So, I apologize if this reads as one large ramble.

But my main issue is that I feel like I have no redeemable qualities. I'm not attractive, and I'm not very intelligent either. I know all of this stuff because it's been drilled into my head time after time. Even when I'm just trying to mind my own business and do something that I enjoy, someone always has to step in and let me know how little they think of me. As an example, I used to love art and animation. I never wanted to do it professionally; I just wanted to make stupid little cartoons to upload to YouTube for personal enjoyment. People used to tell me all of the time that I just needed to quit and that art wasn't my thing. But, at the time, I didn't really care very much because I enjoyed drawing more than I cared about how they felt.

Fast forward to now, and I haven't drawn anything in years because I've pretty much decided that I suck at it and I will never be good enough. The last time I drew something legitimate, my dad made a comment that really felt like a slap in the face. Even though I know that he had good intentions, it still hurt. He pretty much told me that he was impressed that I had worked hard enough to actually be pretty decent at drawing. That before he really felt like I was wasting my time. That sentiment was pretty much repeated every time was brought up. It's literally, "yeah you used to really suck, but I guess you're good now." and that's also how they talk about it when they mention it to other people. But they coo over how proud of my siblings they are. No mention of them ever being bad at the things they had attempted.

Then my sister had the nerve to tell me that it's useless, it doesn't provide any value to the world. Then topped it off by telling me that people prefer someone who is able to do their job quickly and efficiently. Not someone who has to exert themselves to make something good.

It really hurts me because I have never been naturally good at anything. Every idea that I have to improve my life gets slapped down, and it eventually just feels pointless to even try. Because, clearly, there is something uniquely broken or missing from me that everyone keeps picking up on. I've tried to dedicate myself to my job instead. It's nothing impressive. Just a factory job. Even there, I'm still not good enough. I'm always doing something wrong no matter how hard I try.

Another example: I wanted to make more money because I'm not really making enough to sustain myself reliably without help. So, I had the idea to go to a two-year program at a community college. My uncle pretty much kept questioning me "why" and I told him it was so I could hopefully get a better, higher paying job and improve my financial situation he shot back with: "Well, sometimes you just don't." I responded with, "Well, I definitely won't if I don't try." He literally rolled his eyes at me and said, "You're ambitious. I guess I'll give you that at least."

I haven't really kept contact with my aunt or uncle after that. They keep trying to send me texts, but I don't really have much to say to them. I don't have much to say to anyone because I honestly feel pretty bitter. If that's how everyone views me, then they can just stay out of my way. I know that's a shitty attitude to have, but it feels really shitty when you constantly have to hear about how wonderful your siblings are, while you're constantly overlooked. My sister got to have her college paid for. I get nothing.

I just don't know how to please anybody or make them happy. It really does make my existence feel pretty pointless or like I'm a nuisance. So, I try to stay out of people's way as best as I can. I pretty much just stay in my room. Whenever I'm at work, I sit in a corner by myself during lunch breaks and keep earbuds in my ears so I can space out until I'm able to get out of there. But that's literally all life is for me right now. I'm just spacing out because that's the only way to make it tolerable. It really does feel like life doesn't have any room for me. But then everyone acts confused that my confidence is so low, or they tell me that I'm being "too hard on myself." I'm only as hard on myself as they have been on me.

There's a lot more to this, but I don't know how to squeeze everything in without making it excessively long. The tl:dr version of this is pretty much that I've been constantly discouraged or insulted by the people around me. It's hard to have hope when no one else sees anything worth seeing in me.

I always suck at explaining how I feel, but I'm going to do the best I can anyways.

There's so much that I wish I could do, but it does feel like I'm uniquely broken somehow in a way that makes me irredeemable.

I've been through a lot of abusive and bullying throughout my life. I've got myself backed into a corner, and there isn't really anywhere else for me to go. I used to really love art. Somewhere along the way I've decided that I'm not good enough to ever be a decent artist. But at the same time, hobbies like that feel like my redemption. So, I'm constantly switching back and forth between, "I'm really going to try this time and make something great!" And "what was I thinking? Life isn't meant for me." So I get discouraged and I do nothing.

I understand that it shouldn't be about that. It's just a fun hobby. I really miss when I just did things because I enjoyed them. But I feel like a failure in every aspect of my life and like most people would rather not even have to deal with me. So, suicide feels like the logical answer. But I don't really want to die. I'd rather get this figured out, but I don't even know the first step or how to properly explain myself. I also don't want to take up a resource that someone else needs more.

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Did anyone else mainly start isolating after having a series of panic attacks?

Not sure what caused them to happen, but I would have episodes where I would just feel "off" or "spacey" in some way and I would start panicking. I literally felt like I was suffocating. It really sucks because I used to love going out for walks, but I think I'm scared of going out into public now because it just feels like there's too much that can go wrong. I think I'm also scared of the attacks themselves.

Part of the reason that I don't like to talk to people is because I am not a very good person. I don't know why I do it, and I feel horrible when it happens, but I have a bad habit of being extremely impatient and snapping at people. I'm an impossible person to get along with, but it feels really automatic sometimes.

• New build or upgrade? New
• Existing parts/monitors to reuse? No
• PC purpose? (Gaming, editing, etc. List apps/games) Gaming and game development. Will run programs like Blender, Godot, and Krita. I'd also like to use it for gaming. I mostly play MMOs
• Purchase country? Near a micro center? US, and no.
• Monitors needed? 1 monitor. Not too picky. More worried about color accuracy.
• Budget range? $2,000
• WiFi or wired connection? WiFi
• Size/noise constraints? None
• Color/lighting preferences? None
• Any other specific needs? No.

Tried building a game on my little Lenovo yoga 7i. It is not the biggest fan of sculpting in Blender. lol As long as it can handle that, I'm happy.

I'm just curious to know, because I always have been. I was bullied in school, my mom was absent, my dad always had to work, and the person who was supposed to watch me (my grandmother) was always on the computer. She loved me, but she had bipolar disorder. You know how that goes. So, I don't think i ever really learned how to connect with people. Even though I really, really want to.

I feel like even if I did get everything I daydream about having, I'd probably still be unhappy. Having a defeatist attitude isn't great, but I'm at a point where nothing feels very stable or reliable.

Since relationships make me nervous, I decided I would just focus on my career or something because at least they're stable. Nope. Work is just as unreliable. It's crazy that everything a person has worked so hard for in life can just be snatched away from them in the blink of an eye. So, what can we trust?

Kind of a melodramatic post, I get it. Idk. It's just how i feel. Nothing seems worth it or feels good anymore.

Hopefully this post isn't irritating to any of the people here. I'm sorry if it is. I'll remove it if needed.

Also, just to be clear, I have a very hard time connecting with other people and it's not uncommon for me to feel trapped and then ghost as I have a major avoidance problem. Yes, I know it's wrong. But I wanted to make it known before anyone reaches out to me, so it doesn't come as a big surprise. But I'm making this post in the hopes that I can relearn how to connect with someone else who might understand it a bit more.

I'm a 23F. Not trying to find a romantic partner, just some sort of companionship. We can check up on one another. Share whatever cool thing or hobby we're working on. Give positive or negative updates. Y'know, the usual stuff. haha

Response times might be relatively slow, as I have recently found a job (Mon-Fri 6 am-2:30 pm) and I'm trying to go to college. I also have a project that I'm currently working on when I actually have the motivation to lol. It's just game development with Godot, if anyone finds that interesting then we can chat about that.

Then, I also play a lot of games like Morrowind (which I'm currently doing my first play through) Elder Scrolls Online, FFXIV, Portal, and obviously Skyrim. I tried out Elden Ring and Dark Souls, but I'm freaking awful at them. Still, I think they're great even if I suck.

Alrighty, that's it. Hopefully this is okay. Like I said above, I'm more than happy to delete it if not. Feel free to send me a DM.

Hello! I'm looking for an artist that can make a nice profile picture and banner for Twitch. My budget is currently set to $50, but I can go higher once I get a feel for how much it would realistically cost.

I don't need anything super fancy. Just some nice, cartoony artwork. Something fun and expressive is preferred. I can pay through Cashapp. I'm hoping for a nice mystical looking dog creature holding a lantern.

Thank you!

Edit: Please comment with your portfolio. Reddit's DMs are glitching out for me. So, I can't look at everyone's messages.

Hello, everyone! Hopefully this is the right place to make a post like this. If not, I apologize.

I am twenty-three years old, and I'm hoping to finally start going to college and then eventually attend a university. My main concern, though, is that I was not a very good student in high school, so I never actually planned on going because I didn't see much of a point in it. Especially since math was my weakest subject. However, I have decided that I'd really like to become a chemical engineer, which I know is a very mathematics heavy career.

So, how plausible is it for someone at my starting point to pull their math level up enough to be successful in a field like that? My plan is to start out at a local community college, while working full-time, and slowly work my way upwards to an acceptable level. I know I'll most likely have to start at pre-algebra. The only reason why I'm asking here first instead of a counselor, which I plan to do as well, is because it feels a little embarrassing for me to even suggest wanting to do anything related to engineering with such poor math skills.

I'm just a little anxious, and I don't want to waste my own time and money on something that's not likely to work out. Thank you in advance, and I'm really sorry if this was a dumb post to make.