u/v4mpirical

the thing i resonate most with about affective empathy is contagious laughter, but its funny because i only have it when its in response to something fictional or otherwise far enough away from me that my defenses are lowered. usually, when im with someone and they're laughing i pretend to smile and laugh back because its polite, but i can't help but get angry at it because i feel like its an act or that its annoying and inconsiderate and i also just don't share that feeling so it MUST be below me. dont even get me started on groups laughing. i had these two friends that would always feed off of each other's laughter and keep laughing for literally what felt like forever and it was getting nauseating trying to fake laughing along for like 4 minutes whilst they composed themselves GOD does it make me angry and bored. i think that my capacity for affective empathy is certainly not non existent (which is a misconception about us anyway right?) but definitely impaired and im curious about how you guys feel affective empathy when or if you do towards people or fictional characters or animals. i tend to really only have contagious laughter under those specific circumstances, or sadness and anger on behalf of children on the rare occasions that i do experience affective empathy.

(my cognitive empathy on the other hand is absolutely spotless xx)

guys do we think maybe dennis reynolds is npd and aspd and that bpd was a misdiagnosis?? i would personally say im not sure how much bpd i see in him, and that he obviously has narcissistic personality disorder, but im curious if any of you disagree and think that maybe he has all three or just npd or that bpd is accurate or if its something different entirely

ive been trying to get this mermaid tail for flowkirkactually 3 hours but the game keeps bugging like crazy, it took long enough for me to get the damn bottle to place and show up in the dorm nevermind the PILLOW, and now i cant even put the fishling in my locker. this is seriously bumming me out h2gkmo pls someone help

what other personality disorders or traits do you guys have and how do they interact with your narcissism?

i really often feel like all my pictures, videos and text messages are all evidence of my incompetence and self centeredness and how stupid and manipulative i really am. i want to just wipe everything, not necessarily to avoid accountability like if something specifically was on someone's mind that i said or did i would rather clear it up and apologise than just pretend like it didn't happen because i do care about improving and i also do care about other people not feeling bad especially if i made them feel that way. i would want to make it clear that its not their fault and that theyre not overreacting and that something WAS my bad. i think i want to get rid of it all just because it makes me feel so much shame, and then i feel shame for feeling shame because i need to get over myself and be productive instead of feeling sorry for myself. i don't want to become an abusive person. i don't want people to see me as an abusive person. i don't want to be a liar but it's so difficult for me to be honest, it's like everything i say has this manipulative or soulless undertone so i can't ever truly express my feelings. like i desperately have to delete every message ive ever sent because it doesn't reflect me or i guess doesn't align with my false sense of self. it stresses me out that people have evidence of me being stupid embarrassing or manipulative, and that they can or will use it against me. its also frustrating that everyone has different opinions because i know that some people think that im kind and just really insecure and empathetic, but some people would probably think that im abusive and my behaviours and thought patterns aren't okay. who do i trust? i couldn't in my right mind trust anyone who told me that i am justified or "okay". like when am i overcompensating vs when do i need to consider myself and my actions?? these posts always seem to turn into vents lmao i don't mean for them to. or maybe i do! i can't tell what's true anymore. just do u relate or what im all ears

i will hide what i have and show what i dont 

i will lie to you because it makes me someone

i will kid myself like it makes me happy

i will suffocate myself with my pillow and i will wait to be able to breathe

i will take everything back that's old and rotten

all the jokes that made you laugh

all the words that made you choose

all the gestures i didn't mean

all the hugs you thought i did

and i will stuff them under my bed

i will not attend our conversations

and i will watch closely for your approval

that i will earn by being entirely gone

is it grandiose to think that im too smart and mature to have a disorder and that im instead just lazy and misdirected 😭😭😭😭😭😭✌ i see this question a lot, what if everyone IS just dumber than me, but im jumping between a few things right now.

how do i differentiate between audhd (which i do have), social anxiety disorder and narcissistic personality disorder? i have traits of obsessive compulsive disorder and often get intrusive thoughts, but im also just wondering if my grandiosity is from being out of touch and lazy and uninformed rather than having a personality disorder. i am still only 18 and im waiting to see a professional, but eurgg. worried that i am just socially anxious and self indulgent rather than a narcissist and that im kidding myself. the leading traits that i have could be explained by audhd, like maladaptive daydreaming about success and 24/7 self surveillance, i have no ability to unmask. i am obsessed with being the prettiest and coolest in the room and i rarely feel like its true. if its not true i can't go to college. i can't leave the house. i can't show my face unless people will be blown away by my beauty lmfao. its important to me that im attractive and funny because without that i am LITERALLY nothing but disgusting and irritating and i feel like id benefit from being told how to become not disgusting and irritating rather than being told not to feel that way. im so online though and thats such a big thing with social media, caring about the shallow things. but it really takes over my life. is it that damn phone or is it flipping npd..... or secret third answer is it npd because of that damn phone (among other things)

i guess i am too proud sometimes to remember that i cant diagnose myself with something like a professional can. BUT ALSO MISDIAGNOSIS AND MALPRACTICE! how do i know who to trust???? these are the same people who think npd is bipolar I and bpd is when a woman is distressed and reacting to abuse. please direct me out of my own ass and toward the person who has all of the worlds answers

im aware that emptiness is a big thing in both bpd and npd. i definitely have trouble with a sense of self, because everything "good" is fake and everything there is bad. i was wondering if any of you feel this way when you talk to people? like if a friend is telling you about something exciting and good to them im obviously happy for them but its not really an emotion?? i don't mind them going on (usually) but just wish i actually could react with emotion. sometimes i can, but most of the time i cant. nothing i respond with seems right and i guess thats what people mean by situations that require cognitive empathy vs situations that require affective empathy. i just don't care and can't produce an authentic response and it makes me feel SO soulless and weird when i type in all caps and add a bunch of emojis, and looking back on the messages it also always feels a certain level of self indulgent? kind of like really dramatic and like im assuming urg i don't think i can articulate it. im curious as to how this relates or doesn't relate to you guys and your relationship to affective and cognitive empathy

this is a weird thing for me to try and articulate but i am really curious if any of you relate.

before i knew about what npd was and the likelihood of me having it, when i would go to counseling for how much i hated myself, i would really frequently express how ugly and horrible and whatever other negative thing i am, but at the same time the diagnostic criterion i relate to the most is preoccupations with success. my internal monologue is that im a character in a tv show, everything i think is like a movie and i imagine what i would look like to a group of people watching me and talking about my character and admiring me and whatnot.

my point is that after i would say how much i hate myself and think im disgusting, i would have a really small voice that said something along the lines of "but not really. me thinking this just confirms that it's not true because people who really hate themselves are actually pretty well liked and conventionally attractive etc. i am better than everyone. one day ill realise" not sure if this is more of a human thing or autism thing or if im just over intellectualising, but i suspect it has something to do with my false sense(s) of self and my tendency to be so out of touch to protect myself from shame (which im clearly doing a pretty terrible job at in comparison to more delusional or grandiose narcissists).

i would also like to add that ive been thinking a lot about how subjective superiority is and how a lot of the things i see as superior would be lost on other people because they're so specific. like narcissism isn't one size fits all and i don't really ever fantasize about being a millionaire business owner or a god or a king that just doesn't sound like me at all, but i know that what i do fantasize about is definitely to do with being better than other people rather than being just as good. i hate the thought of not being special. the reason i bring this up is because ive always thought ive been good at being vulnerable, when im actually terrible at it and will refuse to do it. its just the things that seem vulnerable to other people just are not for me, and if im in counseling because i hate myself im going to feel amazing and productive and superior if i jump straight into "so i hate myself". this therapist is going to fucking love me because im not wasting any time messing around. im going to be their favourite and despite my troubles im on track to being extremely successful and intelligent whilst also being very humble and altruistic. is this pure waffle or can you kind of see where im coming from and what my point is

im very sleepy and might delete or reword if this is a bit too incoherent which i suspect it is. IN CONCLUSION my question is does anyone experience anything similar? to like any of this but specifically that voice.