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Can anyone relate? I feel so envious of my boyfriend, who just landed a very good job. Instead of feeling happy for him, I felt so small, pathetic, and inferior. (I didn’t show it to him because I don’t want him to think that I compete with him). But the feeling is so excruciating. Suddenly, all of his good qualities seem unattainable to me

I’ve been internally competing with him from the very beginning, but he has always pedestalised me. Now I’m realising that I am actually bad for him and that I’m one of those people he should stay away from—not someone who genuinely supports him, but someone who smiles and encourages him while secretly not wishing him success. I don’t know how to cope with this realisation because I HATE THIS KIND OF PEOPLE and find them immoral and pathetic.
Also, normally I am actually happy when people in my circle are successful because I feel proud and like I am somehow related to them, so their achievements are my achievements, or at least they got there with my help. But in his case, I want to feel like I am more successful, otherwise I feel anxious, envious, and pathetic

Can anyone relate, and if so, how can I get rid of this feeling? Thank you.

Do you use Instagram/TikTok/Threads, etc? And if so, what does your profile look like? Is it mostly pictures of yourself, and only yourself, or with your friends, or nature, etc? Do you compare yourself to others?

I only use Instagram to upload things and then look at my posts and stories, thinking about how great my pictures are. But I’ve just realised that I literally never look at what other people post because I don’t care, or they make me annoyed and resentful if they have something I don’t

The only thing I do there apart from looking at myself is watch cat videos, like Crybananacat reels

Basically, as the title says. How can you possibly develop empathy and trust (assuming you have basic intellect and critical thinking skills) when the state of the world is the way it is (and always has been)?

People in positions of power are rarely held accountable for misconduct, and there is so little fairness in the world. As children, we’re told so many things about how the world works, only to grow up and realise that reality is nothing like what we were taught when we were 3 years old

I’m starting to wonder whether I’m really the disordered one, or whether it’s the majority of people who are either blind, hypocritical, or spineless. And then I’m the one who’s called a narcissist for being amazed by how naive and/or hypocritical people are

Just curious - how many people here who have been diagnosed with NPD don’t cheat or/and have never cheated?

Does anyone have the same experience with their bf/gf?

When I first get together with someone, I’m so infatuated with them. I want to kiss them, drink from the same cup or bottle, eat from the same plate with them, etc. But after a while, I stop liking the way they smell. I get squeamish about using the same cups or forks, I don’t want to kiss them anymore, and eventually it gets to the point where I find them physically revolting and I catch myself thinking: “who is this person? Do I even like them?”
I’ve had two boyfriends (I mean actual relationships that lasted longer than 6 months), and this happened with both of them. It was especially surprising with the second one because I was very physically attracted to him and loved the way he smelled.

Has anyone else had the same experience?

It’s my birthday today. Just wanted to share because I’ve ghosted everyone and will probably not get any birthday wishes, so now I feel offended by the whole world and am just sitting here sulking with my cat

I actually hate my birthdays because it’s the day when I have to face the reality that I’m not famous, I can’t build real connections, and, worst of all, even though I have a lot of achievements and I’m beautiful and intelligent, I don’t live up to my full potential because of my need to be superior and exceptional, and because I don’t want to be seen as ordinary or just like everyone else.

So it makes it really difficult for me to genuinely connect with people. On top of that, I am worried my life will be in vain, so I just do nothing

Does anyone else feel threatened by a characteristic of your boyfriend or girlfriend that you actually like? I love my boyfriend’s body, especially his arms, but at the same time I hate the fact that other people might be attracted to them too. Yet, if his body didn’t look the way it does, I am sure I would dislike that as well.
Even when I question whether I love him or not, I feel sad thinking that his body might belong to someone else one day. At the same time, I contemplate leaving him very often and often feel a lot of contempt towards him. But whenever I actually decide to leave, I become terrified of losing him, and his arms hugging me, so I stop myself from doing it.
My therapist says that I view him as something I own, and that’s why I have all these contradictory emotions and thoughts, but I don’t know. Either way, I want him to become completely repulsive so that I can leave, or I want to be in control of his every action

I’ve just defended my thesis and I’m graduating with distinction, as all of my grades throughout my studies have been excellent. I told my grandmum, and the only thing she asked was: “Were there any other students in your defense group who got an excellent mark, or were you the best?”

I felt happy and proud for about half an hour, but then it faded. It was like I needed some kind of external validation - someone telling me how smart and exceptional I am for it to really matter. Without that, I just stopped caring. Later in the evening, I told my boyfriend, and he started praising me, so I felt happy and proud again. It’s like I can’t fully internalise my achievements unless someone else recognises them. All value is external

The same thing happens with my appearance. I get anxious when I’m not posting beautiful photos of myself or making myself visible to other people. It’s almost as if, if nobody sees how beautiful, charming, or charismatic I am, then it somehow loses its meaning. At the same time, I deleted Instagram 45 days ago because I was tired of the constant urge and anxiety around the need to post photos and to be seen

Does anyone else experience this?

Does anyone else feel unloved? I never really feel loved. The only love I truly feel is the love I receive from my cat and the love I feel toward my cat. My therapist says that it might be because I don’t really love anyone besides my cat, lol, and that I’m disconnected from my feelings and emotions.

I also genuinely don’t understand why anyone would want to date or marry only one person if they are financially secure and either don’t want children or already have them.

If you have enough money, why would you want to be with only one person? I understand when people stay together because rent or a mortgage is cheaper that way, or because they want children and it’s easier to raise them together. But why would someone who has enough money to live independently, and can afford everything they need and want, choose to be with only one person?

I only now realized that not everyone lives to become very powerful or very famous, famous for being truly prominent, whether as a great musician, actor, scientist, director, or revolutionary who changed the lives of millions, and not just an influencer talking about celebrity gossip and so on.

I literally thought that this was everyone’s goal, but that the majority simply couldn’t achieve it, so they pretend that’s not what they want, while all of them feel like failures. All of this is so stupid but it never occurred to me that some people genuinely don’t want any of this

I’ve noticed that my life is more or less stable when I’m not in a relationship. I do need a lot of admiration and validation, but I actually find creative ways to get it. But when I am in a relationship, I feel dysregulated, and all other aspects of my life suffer.

I want my boyfriends to love only me and see me as the center of the universe, or something like that. It ends up with me turning my boyfriend into a mother figure and constantly checking whether he loves me enough, while simultaneously losing attraction to him because he’s become my mother who is supposed to baby me. And when they need to work or focus on other things, I feel so deeply rejected and humiliated that I become vindictive.

Then I start seeing them as monsters and suddenly become very attracted to someone else and extremely lustful, and then the cycle repeats.

Does anyone experience something similar? I think I should just give up on intimate relationships. I had everything it takes to become famous and successful, and then I wasted so much time on this. I should probably focus on success instead

So it’s been like this for me since primary school. I’d find a group of people and kind of adopt a “way of life,” make up stories about my family, interests, plans, and talents, and then at some point I’d see it as not impressive enough, and pathetic pathetic, and I’d feel like people were getting too close to me and I start to feel like all of them are disgusting, flawed and too plain. So I’d ghost everyone, start over, and the cycle would repeat.

Each time, my aspirations, style, and social circle would be completely different. And every time I come across old pictures or chats from those periods, I’m shocked, it feels like I was a completely different person.

Another thing is, whenever I run into something from my past, I’m genuinely surprised by how I treated people and what I did. It doesn’t feel like it could have been me.

Now that I’m self-aware, it all feels really strange, especially because I never noticed this pattern before. I’ve always known I was a liar, but I didn’t realise the extent of it until recently. Sometimes it honestly feels like I’m not even fully aware of my own lies