Hey.

I have been diagnosed, I have an in-depth report and I’m in therapy.

And tbh, the more “bad” I uncover about myself, the shittier I tend to feel

I am prone to taking stuff as a “fixing project”, but tbh, ever since I am starting to know my immaturity, I am losing hopes

I wanted a family, babies, and a marriage. A classical family of my own

But rn, I think that’ll take at least 12 years to happen, and I am scared. That I’ll be a bad parent, or that I shouldn’t even date, since I am splitting, agressive and impulsive. (I haven’t been in a relationship for 2 years by now).

That’s just the future family plans, but I feel kinda..: idk, bad

Like there is a giant mountain ahead of me to climb. Or a giant hole that I have to go trough.

Do you have this? How do you cope? How do you not take it as a devaluation of yourself?

Hey, diagnosed OCPD here.

What do you do for anger management?

Let’s say you get annoyed - maybe your work quality, or others’ work quality annoys you, or pretty much anything

You are fed up with anger and frustration

- What do you do?

Sziasztok!

Gyermekkori szexuális abúzus témakörében, felnőtt áldozatként keresek pszichoterápiás lehetőségeket.

Nagyon kicsi koromban, családon belül történtek dolgok. Ezeket felnőttként mertem bevallani magamnak is.

Kerestem lehetőségeket, de bevallom, idegesít, hogy “csak” az aktívan abúzust elszenvedő áldozatoknak van segítség (az is a maga módján)….

Az abúzus nem csak pillanatnyi, hanem velünk marad. És sokszor évek múlva tudunk megnyílni… (alkoholban, szerfogyasztásban erre pl van itthon segítő közösség)

Hova lehet fordulni…?

NANE csak aktív párkapcsolatival foglalkozik, családsegítő is aktívvak foglalkozik. A KERET pár éve beolvadt a NANE-ba. Az Eszter Alapítvány meg totál inaktívnak tűnik. 2020-ban volt utoljára blogposzt, és se email, se telefonszám, csak egy gyors wordpress form.

Hey. I’ve had a previous post where I asked about creators you think are self-proclaimed empaths. Some people started a discussion&shared that targeting people is working against the original cause - Thanks again to you guys!

I am writing this post as a vent, because I want to share what I think is the “REAL” problem for me.

The pushed role of “empathy”
Apart from this subreddit often discussing the issue with empaths, it’s a vicious social cycle.

What’s the issue?

It’s often seen in social media where creators claim that
1)they are knowledgable in psychology,
2)they are people pleasers (code for victim),
3) people used them,
4)they willingly helped them with their knowledge because “they saw that even tho they are bad and cannot see how toxic they are, they stayed”.

Ooookaaay, and why tf does this need a post?
I’ll tell you: because of the social conditioning that enforces covert narcissism - Both the social setting and the person at fault.

As a diagnosed NPD, I am confessing that my NPD is causing me another PD: Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - Code for perfectionism

By people being taught that being a “healer” and “helper”, or the “acceptable” and “admirable” role, we unknowingly put this on. We start doing the help noone really asked for - not for actual joy, but to put on this morally good role.

This can turn into a transaction:

1. If I give to socieaty and listen to their stuff/help them, then I’ll also get some good back - seems right, after all, “what you give is what you get”.
   2) The error in the system begins: you are overworked. Drained. Because your help was not genuine but an expected role
2. You don’t get anything in return and you will feel used - Hey, this wasn’t the deal, what’s wrong?!?
   “I was used, they are bad!!!!” - The blaming begins
   Suddenly, our partner is “emotionally immature, and soul-sucking”. Who is the one to blame? - Not us, since we gave good, ofc it’s them
3. Aaand overall, we are the morally good ones, and they are the unappreciative bad guys

Okay, no shit Sherlock, but again, why is this a problem?

Because it spreads in the name of justice. Again, enforcing the “good” narrative, the person (being a victim of projective identification) creates a black-and-white concept: the perfect victim and the stupid abuser.

These discussions doesn’t turn into people telling their hurting, their own wounds, but it’ll become a moral battle. And we, as a society enfore this

What’s the overall issue?

1. Creating “acceptable” roles that we’ll put on and won’t be in it genuenly.
2. (In some way rightfully) feeling used
3. The blame of others for them not accepting unsolicited advice (failed control)
4. Creating false narratives
5. AND THE MOST CRUICAL (imo) - NOT TEACHING PEOPLE HOW TO ACTUALLY BE EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE, but to devalue and attack
6. Aaaand the cycle repeats

Some previously asked me about why I attack the “empaths”. It was a good question - That was my hurting side. But, as attacking I am, I realised that I also have the problem with the social conditioning:

1) How we aren’t taught actual emotional vulnerability (admitting that I am hurt VS “They are using me!!!” - Attack)

2) How there’s no step-in to make some sense (“Hey, you don’t need to do X and Y - And actually, this is controlling from this point)

3) And how we enforce this cycle

Because things happen if we let them.

Hey, I recently had a vague idea.

There are some spiritual treatments that claim to “target trauma” and “uncover hidden truths” - Like the Hellinger Family Constellation or Kinesiology, or pretty much ANY spirituality-related treatment

I’ve never had any of these - not against them, just simply not that interested in trying out.

Have you, a pwPD, ever tried any of these? Before or after your diagnosis? How was it for you? What do you think, how it is with your PD diagnosis?

Kinda different topic

Whenever I binge on the net, I tend to encounter some self-proclaimed empaths, that talk about their friendships and relationships in a bad manner

That - as they claim - they are so knowledgable in psychology, that they are even psychologist and the “psychologist friend”. That they are empaths but nobody understands them and everyone is just using them. And such stuff like these

To be clear: these contents give me the ick. I was also this person, and previously I used every little psychology stuff to make myself appear better. And when people didn’t appreciate my betterness, I put them down and claimed that “they are ill, but they refuse to admit it”

OH YES, ALSO THE WHOLE “they are not doing inner work and they are psychopaths but are refusing to see therapy so you tear yourself apart for them but they don’t appreciate it💔” NARRATIVE

Now that can give me the icks

So, do you know any online creators that are pioneers in this?

I have some reaaaally bad issues with showcasing my work. It’s the perfectionism: I personally want to tore apart my own work, especially when it’s a current one

Years later I always realise: damn, that work wasn’t all bad at all…

But again, I am shitfuckingscared and anxious to expose my stuff. Or my face. Or anything

It makes me SO anxious. Whenever I post, I always get so sick that I start to panic….

Do you have something similar?

I am talking about the case when you’ve been hit with a truth and began a new chapter. Let’s say, you are no longer a career driven guy, but now you focus on why you have the need to prove yourself.

And you get hit with both internal chapters - like I have to work with my anger

But, the outside world is giving you stuff - let’s say the same gig again that you’ve done a couple times before

What do you think, how do you know what’s your next calling?

Hey! I had a post about “self-concealment”. Many people shared their thoughts on the subject.

Many said that self-concealment is misleading, since concealment is more of a self-aware thing and conscious, while an NPD masking is more automathic.

So, what do you think, what would happen if you wouldn’t mask anymore? - Either consciously (self-concealment) or unconsciously (authomatic, more of a subsconcious strategy)

There are claims that one’s suffer is the punishment for one’s previous life.

That even a 3 year old kid is beaten and could even be r*ped, because “they were rapist in their past life”.

One discussion of mine in this thread brought up this topic.

Do you believe this narrative? What are your thoughts?

Hi! I want to shed light upon my fears.

I’ve realised that I have many protective mechanisms that stem from anxiety and fears. (I know the mechanisms, that was also a hard pill to swallow).

Eventually, everything is tied to my fears:
- Self-monitoring
- Using the false self/masks
- Perfectionism
- Rigidity
And many more…

The root cause is fear

And eventually, in a way everything operates from fear.

How can one access their fears?

Hi!

Some like to ask: “Why isn’t someone self-aware about how they come across to others?” - I searched this, since the term “self-aware” seemed off here

(Self-aware: being present in your body and being able to sense your present emotions, bodily senses).

The term that is relating here was self-monitoring: checking out how your behaviour fits into the environment. It ties to impression management.

But,

What if someone is obsessed with how they come across, and always self-monitor, manage their impression and care too much about self-image?

What’s the spiritual take for that?

Hey! Sorry for the load of questions!

I’ve been searching about self-monitoring and impression-managemet.

I have a loophole question:

When someone “ruins” your impression (implies that you aren’t that good), and you get upset….

Do you also monitor how your feelings come across?

Hello there!

My question stems for a misunderstandion I once saw: someone asked that why can’t people be self-aware and notice how they come across? Well, it seemed to me that the word “self-aware” was misused. After a quick search, I got my answers

Apperantly, the correct term is impression management, where me monitor our selves in a social setting and adapt accordingly. It resonates highly with NPD

So, what do you monitor exactly? Do you get upset when someone interferes with your impression? (Let’s say someone implies in simple terms that you are uneducated)

Hello there!

I am asking a lot of questions lately, and I am interested in the topic of unconscious self-concealment

As I kept getting answers, some pointed out judgement - We conceal ourself and even our emotions by judgement

But, judgement comes from shame

So, how is shame made in the first place? Is there healthy shame, and unhealthy shame?

Okay, so our PD is about putting on a mask to HIDE our true self and put on a better view.

The core issue is that we feel the need to conceal ourselves. Yet, WHY IS THERE A LACK OF DISCUSSION ABOUT THIS PHENOMENOM???

I did a quixk search for the term on Reddit and on TikTok, and even on Wiki, and it’s sooo mixed up!!!!

Self-concealment is NOT self awareness, or self-knowledge, or compassion, or anything like that. The closest thing I could get is when the LGBTQ+ people experience being closeted.

Yet, in a psychological standpoint, WHY IS THERE BARELY ANY DISCUSSION??!

We NPDs conceal ourselves SO MUCH, that we don’t even know ourselves. Using the lgbtq+ analogy, it’s like compulsive heterosexuality - You are so fed up by this social role that you eventually supress your true identity

It honestly baffles me…

Hello there!

Lately I am really interested in the topic of supression and hiding things from ourselves, “despising them”. That could be our true self, but I am also talking about emotions.

What could be the cause of these concealments from a spiritual standoint?

I recently realised that not only do I block my emotional world, but despise it.

If Im being honest, I always thought of my emotions as a separate thing of myself. I always thought that there are 3 main part in people: The self (true and false), the emotions and the Inner narrative/rationalisation, where we tell ourselves what exatcly is happening.

Now that I think about it, I think its wrong to separate emotions from the self. After all, our inner self’s wounds are open, and the hurt we feel from them are our emotions

How do you treat your emotions? Do you hide them too?