r/OCPD

Thinking about this topic that came up with my therapist the other day.

For context, I’m newly diagnosed by a therapist who works closely with OCD and OCPD patients, just started seeing her after moving across the country, but other therapists have formerly suspected it in my past for at least 6 years now.

Anyways, in one of my first sessions with my new therapist, she immediately clocked that I use extremely definitive, black and white language, all the time. She recommended I start working on statements like “I can’t” and “I have to” and reshape them as things along the lines of “I might not be able to” or “I should/would/could.” I tried doing this for the rest of that session when I would catch myself, but in my brain it just didn’t really click. I stopped paying attention to it the minute I walked out the door.

My next session I was using super definitive language and statements again. I was telling her about how when “I absolutely cannot” do a certain task, I either won’t touch it with a 10 foot pole, or I’ll throw myself full force at it and do it at 110% capacity even though “I can’t” do it. And in my brain in the latter situation, when I can’t do it, I still firmly believe “I can’t” do it even though I’m actively doing it anyways. Does that make any sense?

That led to her saying she thinks the definitive language works for me. While she tries to recommend using less definitive language so people give themselves more grace in situations that are hard, that just doesn’t click with me. But saying “I can’t” is just how my brain operates. And sometimes even when “I can’t” do something, I will do it anyways while continuing to say “I can’t.” But most of the time, if I say “I can’t” do something, I am absolutely not even trying.

Using definitive language gives me motivation to do (or not do) a certain task. I don’t have any wiggle room to give myself “grace,” I just don’t operate that way.

I’ve seen lots of posts about black and white thinking in this sub so far, and I’m wondering if that has anything to do with this. Not sure if this is related or totally unrelated to OCPD, but figured I’d share anyways. Thanks for reading.

My all or nothing thinking ruined the "perfect" birthday weekend I planned. Just one thing was off from the very start and it derailed the entire rest of the weekend.

It feels like I self-sabotaged. I couldn't get out of my own way / get out of my head about it. Even when I tried to roll with the punches, brush it off, reset, try something else, it didn't work because the one thing that was off "ruined" the whole damn thing (at least in my mind).

I had to make new plans along the way, and even if it was fun while it lasted, I just kept thinking how this wasn't supposed to even be part of the plan and we weren't even supposed to be there.

Now after the fact, I can't stop ruminating on it and spiraling about it: How the whole weekend was ruined and I can't get it back, and there's nothing I can do about it at this point. It's almost like I'm mourning it. It's like I'm stuck in a loop. It's exhausting and I can't stop.

requesting advice for:

1. how to move past this now (stop ruminating, LET IT GO)

• I just keep thinking of how perfect it was supposed to be, all the work I did in advance for it, how it was supposed to be the best most perfect weekend ever, and how I'll never get it back and there's nothing that can make up for it

2. how to nip this in the bud if it were to happen again.

• Ideally, I would like tools/strategies for the future if I'm ever in this position again, how to get out of it/reset before it becomes a run away train.

Thanks in advance :(

Has anyone undergone neuropsych testing before? It was mentioned to me by a provider but I am unsure if it will do anything for me.

(I hope I used the right flair)

I [f19] used to see a school therapist who mentioned OCD to me once when I was 15, and I've been doing research for a while now. But since I was told to look into OCPD instead, I'd like some opinions.

(This is long pls be patient 😞)

Basically, here's a list of things about me that caused me to make this post:

• DOUBT LOOPS: kind of an impostor syndrome thing. You see, I have a diagnosis for learning disabilities where it's very clear that I'm a highly-verbal person whose non-verbal abilities are limited in comparison. My parents never let me get a diagnosis til I was 18, which means I'd been making endless amounts of research online.. eventually I got the confirmation that I had been right about everything, and I was happy. But then I started doubting all my verbal abilities, thinking abt all the moments where they actually don't feel as good as they should be, and I began to think I was too inconsistent to fit into the diagnostic criteria. Even when I succeed, the self-doubt is strong.

• STRONG MORAL COMPASS: when I make mistakes, I start posting about them online like I'm trying to confess a sin. But the thing is that I cannot tolerate anything that goes against my morals, and I am very unforgiving when it comes to things like abuse, bullying, pedophilia, sexual assault. In my mind, perpetrators will never be redeemed bc redemption is a silly concept - they are inherently and forever corrupt, and i hate the idea that they get treatment (but never jail) when their victims' lives are ruined.. like, I strongly believe they don't deserve a second chance at all because it's not fair.

• PERFECTIONISM: idk if I'm a perfectionist, I make lots of messes, but still. I take a long time to study certain things, esp when I enjoy the subjects: I need to phrase things the way that feels the best, and I usually start over if I stutter or forget things. Knowing that I'll get a high mark makes it satisfying whenever I phrase the sentences just right. I get VERY upset sometimes when I dont get the grade I wanted. When it comes to other people talking about certain topics, if they don't phrase things the way I personally would, I get the ick.. imagine how I feel when people in class answer questions: I get agitated when they have nothing to say, but even more so when they say "stupid" things. Even worse when the people with the best grades don't phrase things the way I would: the urge to correct them is insane, especially when I know they'll get a higher mark than me with an explanation of the topic that feels very wrong to me.

• EMETOPHOBIA: I learned recently that it can manifest as a type of ocd. I haven't thrown up since 6th or 5th grade, and I wonder if that's when my emetophobia developed: that's when I started to be scared of nausea, hypervigilant whenever I think I'm queasy, and scared to death of vomiting. I often get scared while eating at restaurants - I still eat my meals but I will get anxious that the meal is too heavy, that I ate too much, or that there might be smth wrong with the food itself.. or that my body will reject it, for no reason in particular.

• INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS: these ones aren't constant or debilitating, just scary when they get triggered. I'm not really willing to share them tho..

There are other things I've always associated with just social anxiety, such as replaying social interactions in my head and thinking abt how wrong some of them went. Other times in social settings I just.. let my mind show me fake scenarios where I humiliate myself.

I also have extreme reactions when people try to look at my phone - it gets worse bc my parents are kinda obsessed with provoking me, asking what I'm doing, as if I'd do anything dangerous. I don't want anyone to even have my phone in their hands, it gives me anxiety because my phone and digital space are so sacred to me. I once snatched my cousin's phone from her hands, because I thought it was my own. When I shared this mistake online, I was aggressively told I had ocd (and I never really stopped wondering abt it ever since).

This post is important to me. TIA to absolutely everyone who will read it :(

Hi, I have recently come across OCPD and have felt it describes me quite well. However am not diagnosed but do have OCD and ADHD, they also suspected autism however I dont stuggle with social things, and my routine and sense of controll isnt driven by familiarity and safeness, more of because I feel I have to do it. Anyway, I have always been extreamly self controlling over my personality, as in I try and copy people who I view as perfect and change eveything about myself trying to perfectly capture their vibe, with no sense of self in there. It has gotten to the point where I have no idea who I am and am extreamly uncomfortable when not motoring what I am doing sayinf and how I am being percieved. Is this an experiance for other OCPD people?

More or less the title. I've found myself for years always seeking the objective truth to the degree that I've had a number of spirals and my politics has become more and more nuanced, while keeping the same zealotry OCPD frequently shows. It's been a lot of compulsive research, a lot of trying to structure out heuristics and principles in ways that fit a computer. It's also hand in hand with an intense discomfort of when people don't prioritize it to the same degree? Usually manifested as a "if someone in political or moral group x is presented evidence that "not x" is true, why aren't they acting upon that?"

First real post here, think I'm following things correctly?

…and wow. Just wow. The number of posts that so perfectly describe these feelings and emotions and reactions and situations I’ve lived through for years that I’ve had so much trouble putting into words myself. It’s a little overwhelming, honestly? But it’s also very comforting.

OCPD was brought to the table 6 or so years ago now, by a therapist I saw for maybe three sessions who ended up moving practices out of state right after my old therapist had transferred me over to her. Never spoke of it again. Bounced back and forth between many, many diagnoses. ADHD didn’t make sense, didn’t meet the criteria for autism, symptoms are too different from typical presentations of my other Dx mental illnesses.

I started seeing a new therapist after moving across the country. It was only my second session with her and I was describing things I’ve seen across all these posts. Trouble feeling empathy when the solution is right there and so obvious to me, pre planning tasks but dreading executing them, etc. Her immediate reaction was “I’m going to try to find ways this does not apply to you, but right now I can only see the parallels,” and then she read off the Dx criteria.

She explained to me I’m the first person she’s worked with that clearly has comorbid OCD and OCPD. I’m just grateful she has experience with either. The nearest therapists who specialize in OCD and have experience with OCPD as well to my new city are 2+ hours away, aside from her.

That being said, I’d love to find more community or someone else who can relate. If you’re in or near central KS, or hell even anywhere else in the world, and know of a community or resources for OCPD and getting to know a newly Dx disorder, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading and understanding.

For me, I think strict parenting and a lot of criticism played a big role. Growing up, there was always a “right” way to behave, and if we did things they didn’t approve of, we were restricted from things we enjoyed.

Looking back, I think I became a high achiever in academics, sports, art, and eventually my career partly because I wanted appreciation, approval, and to avoid criticism. It was like I had to be good at everything to feel worthy. Now, the same perfectionism and high standards that helped me achieve things are making it difficult to feel satisfied or happy, and I struggle with depression because of it.

I’m curious about others here: What do you think shaped your OCPD traits?

Someone posted recently about feeling deep shame due to receiving an OCPD diagnosis. I came across this poem, and thought it might be helpful to share. It can be so overwhelming to view your whole life with a different lens.

Shame can keep us stuck in the past, and interfere with developing healthier habits. Developing self-compassion and making amends when possible can be a way to move forward.

Now that I knew I had OCPD, it was my responsibility to learn healthier habits. The best ways for me to prevent OCPD symptoms are by practicing mindfulness and self-care, and recognizing cognitive distortions.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, Portia Nelson

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost....I am helpless.

It isn’t my fault

It takes forever to find a way out.

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I cannot believe I am in this same place.

But, it isn’t my fault

It still takes a long time to get out.

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it there.

I still fall in...it’s a habit...but,

my eyes are open.

I know where I am.

It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

 

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

 

I walk down another street.

Hello,

I just want to start off by saying, I have not been diagnosed but I strongly identify with this sub.

When I first came across this disorder, I looked it up on YouTube and I remember the videos being so awful that I couldn’t really relate, but also, I didn’t WANT to relate. The way that someome with OCPD was characterized in these videos were awful. I’m sure you know what I mean.

Fast forward to present day and I’ve been exploring this sub. No one here seems like a bad person, I can actually find humor in some of the more humorous, relatable posts. But I’ve been having difficulty falling asleep at night, I keep ruminating on what an awful person I must be for other people to be around. Always needing to be right and so argumentative. I recently had a disagreement with my mom, and I felt so awful the rest of the day. I realized I thought I knew what was best for her, but when she declined help in that area, I became insistent about my way, and, quite frankly, acted like a total bitch.

I think I am only this way with people I’m closest to, there’s a certain level of comfort I feel with them to act like this. But now I’m wondering if there are other horrible defects that I can’t see in myself while others can. And do they think I’m a monster? Is it just a well known fact among people who know me?

I really hope this doesn’t come off the wrong way, either. I don’t actually believe people with this disorder are bad people. Logically, I know that I’m not a bad person, either. But I guess it’s just the shame I feel that is associated with potentially having this, and part of that comes from the negative videos I had watched before. The other part comes from realizing that I’m possibly a really horrible person to be around sometimes.

I guess I’m just asking if anyone else has experienced these feelings? Can you improve and make progress with this disorder? Can I actually work to control what I say before it comes out of my mouth? How did you get over feelings of shame?

Hello,
I’m new to the sub. Not even really looking for advice or anything. Also not self diagnosing. I don’t even know what order to go in here because there are so many details to my story and I literally don’t feel like anyone in my life will be able to understand. I just had a lightbulb moment in reading about someone’s experience with ocpd and read through you guys’ experiences, looked at the dsm, reflected on my experiences. I feel alone and validated and confused.

My story is that I had severe anxiety, ocd, and depression and was undiagnosed audhd as a kid. I felt like I could never do things right, (and things had to be “right”): journals upon journals of lists and categories and descriptions of times and weather and rooms and “bad” feelings. Countless other things that fit your experiences but I won’t bog this down with even more extra details.

I do have a therapist, and a psych, as well as a support system in my husband and in laws, so I do have people, I just can’t describe the cognitive dissonance I’m experiencing to them. Whenever I start with a new therapist, I always bring up my OCD (diagnosed at 17) but they seem confused when I bring up a lot of descriptions of my daily life and thinking process that don’t fit into common ocd themes. (Ex: on the questionnaire I always answer 24/7 and was confused that some people didn’t experience “compulsions” constantly.

I didn’t realize what I might have been describing as compulsions to all my mental health providers may actually have been my whole constant thinking process. I don’t choose to think this way, it feels horrible, it feels like I can’t achieve anything I want to get done or relax for even a minute. I know there are a lot of factors at play but I can’t describe how learning about this has been a sort of epiphany or something.
I have OCD as well, it’s just my compulsions have always been separate from this thing I haven’t been able to explain.

I don’t understand. I know professionals tend to say “labels don’t matter” and also I’m grappling with the fact that using all the therapy tools with fidelity, the medication, the lifestyle changes, the learning, everything Ive done, yet the doubt seems to be a core part of my personality that I can’t let go of. Even dismissing or accepting it doesn’t remove the pervasive “wrongness” of everything.

I’m just so frustrated because I want to feel better and do better and the doubt layers itself and attaches to even the fact that I’m looking into this. “You can’t possibly be audhd with BPD, CPTSD, ocd and now this? You’re just looking for excuses for why you keep failing at being better.” I always feel like there’s a “right thing” to do and I cannot find that thing.

I’ve talked to my current ND affirming therapist (going on 2 years) about my constant doubt and my boxes. I basically explain it as every task I do or topic I want to talk about turns into a nesting doll situation of boxes and each box has more boxes in it, so instead of organizing I create chaos. This actually happens even during sessions where I bring up a topic and it turns into 1728 subtopics and I can never get to the core of the issue or a step by step for my daily routine or goals etc. I just never feel fully understood so I don’t feel like I can make progress. I’ve had at least a dozen therapists at this point so I don’t necessarily think a therapy switch will help.

I don’t know. I just feel frustrated, confused, and I guess validated that I’m not the only one feeling this way, if what I’m experiencing is actually the same thing as what you experience too.

I’m not quite sure if this is the right sub to post in because I’m not sure if these symptoms are part of my ocpd or due to something else.
I was diagnosed with a combined personality disorder that includes avpd, ocpd and bpd. Plus fun things like despression, anxiety, c-ptsd and adhd, which all play into why my life looks like the way it does.
My biggest issue is what I call reverse perfectionism. I am so incredibly anxious about doing things wrong, so I don’t do them at all. I would rather fail at something by not putting any work into it, than give 100% and then fail. Failing at something due to me not being good enough at something, will set me off into a deep dark hole. So I avoid. I feel like I can’t do anything in life. I’m very close to dropping out of university, I’m not making any progress where I should be, I’m not taking care of my horrible health because I’m scared I’m not going to get better.
I wake up in the morning and if my day doesn’t start perfectly, it’s wasted and I’m on the couch waiting for the day to end already, so I can start over. I’ve been completely neglecting and isolating myself. I’ve been in this horrible spiral for weeks now and I just don’t know how to get out. Everytime I try to push myself through my tasks, I start getting massive panic attacks. Has anyone experienced anything like this and if yes what has helped?
I’ve been in therapy for years and I found nothing that works so far.

I posted a few days ago about being super burnt out and hopeless, and in some ways I still feel that way. But! In the name of doing my therapy skills, I wanted to share a win that I am actually proud of myself for! I experience a TON of anxiety pretty much all the time, but especially when I feel scrutinized, put on the spot, or am made to defend my actions, thoughts, or decisions. Today, in a clinician group I’m in (I’m a clinical psych doc resident), I had to share about a tenuous patient situation for which I need help and don’t have the answers. I had to explain the situation, my reactions, and ask for help. The group is full of doctors who are much more skilled than me and I can sometimes feel intimidated by them. Instead of shrinking back and running out of the room like I wanted to, I explained the situation, shared my thoughts, asked for feedback, and received feedback. Even while my face and chest and neck were bright red and I was breaking out in anxiety hives. I was feeling shame and fear and having the urge to hide. But instead, I made myself vulnerable and open.

I am actually proud of myself. And I’m usually never proud of myself. So I just wanted to share how useful this skill was for me. Maybe it could be beneficial for my fellow OCPDers on this sub too. :)

I can be sympathetic to others when they are sharing their individual situations and emotions, but I struggle so hard with actual empathy especially if they are in a situation where, to me, the “solution” to their problem feels obvious. I am an extremely direct person and not very emotional to boot, so I end up accidentally giving unsolicited advice instead of just being a good listener for my friends and family when I know that’s what they really need. For example, my sister was complaining about how some of the girls she is friends with are mean to her, and I immediately jumped to “well why don’t you just stop talking to them” because that feels like an obvious solution to me… why talk to people that aren’t kind to you? But she got very upset and said I just don’t understand and that it’s not that easy, which is true, I DONT understand. But I still want to empathize and be supportive. I wish it was easier truly be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes instead of immediately judging them internally because “well that’s not what I would’ve done” in that situation.

Also to be clear I am not externalizing those thoughts, I think most people assume I AM empathizing with them because I fake it well.. I believe it’s more important that they feel understood in the moment even if they really aren’t.. anyone have any hacks to actually get there though?

Hello!
As the title says, I was recently diagnosed with OCPD. 5 years ago, I was also diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder, rapid cycling.

Im still coming to terms with the diagnosis and reading online resources. Ngl, reading the online articles about OCPD sometimes makes me feel like shit the way they talk and describe the people having OCPD, as if they are evil- but maybe thats just OCPD as well lol.

The biggest thing I struggle with is the rigid morals and ethics. I come from a stressed family so my friends are quite my everything. I wouldn't say its 'scoring ', but I do overthink my friends actions. My friends also have mental illnesses; some of them are also undiagnosed, etc., so in my head it becomes this porridge of different thoughts to try and make sense of it, but maybe the point is that there is no sense when it comes to humans?

I had a very close bestfriend for 2 years. I stopped talking to her a year ago. She had cheated on her partner, but that wasn't the issue. It was her behaviour afterwards and how she handled it. I was also her only close friend at that time, and all her emotions were, for lack of a better term, dumped on me. Throughout our friendship, she used to scream a lot, out of anger, frustration, etc. She had a hard time balancing emotions and was/ maybe is still stuck in a shitty relationship. She also had a habit of being extremely defensive of her actions- to prevent bias, I also asked other mutual friends of ours, and they did agree to it as well. She was also a little competitive with me? for eg, im a political person (im queer), she once said that she supported a particular political party but didnt know about their policies much- though she knew that they were anti-queer, etc. Things like that.
I'm not the perfect person either. I know I can say the wrong things sometimes but I do think if you take the time to explain it to me i can handle it calmly, though I don't think i could say the same about her.

But damn we had such good times! it was truly so awesome and fulfilling. We used to be around each other all the time. Smoke up, talk about stupid things, laugh, de-stress together etc.

I went full non-contact with her because I froze: After the cheating part, her begging her partner to take her back, etc. we had a phone call (9 am while im on my way to work) where she was crying and ranting to me. She was crying that her (ex)partners friends were posting stories on Instagram about her, etc. I was only able to say- try and ignore them, just focus on yourself. Her reply was- I don't want you to be right i want you to be my friend. Thats when i froze. Because we have had this issue for so long- 2 years. Im not someone who can just switch my brain off. I also am not someone who can agree to something that i feel like is wrong, i think its better to be just silent at that point of time. And all that hurt- of being pointed out as an inadequate friend and being called out on it again and again eventhough i was tyring my best (ive talked her down from sewercide, been a middle man in her relationship to make sure that her emotions dont cause her to do other things...) being forced to fit into this one mould and deliver everything made me crack.

and thus we stopped talking. I don't think she even knows why we stopped talking. I had thought that maybe one day I'll approach her and talk to her but I think ill just freeze. I cant handle the screaming and shouting and trying to explain how someone's action affected me without them having an open mind (which ive never seen her do).

and now comes this diagnosis. I know tha they are grey areas when it comes to human relations. Ive come to an understanding of it over a period of time, but this shit has just boomeranged me bro. Like things make sense and they dont at the same time. I had regained some trust in myself and how i handle things, but now i feel like thats gone as well. This shits so tiring.
thankyou for taking the time and reading this- means a lot. Drink water, cuddle a pillow at night. Hope tank is running on low, but we make it through.

Tldr; OCPD and other things have made me have a moral crisis on my ex friendship.

Any one here get a boost planning, researching, journaling, making checklists and most of all checking off those lists but ironically cannot execute some if not most for what ever perfectionist reason or task paralysis to the goal. My mind loves to think I'm being very productive by doing planning, whatever writing or research I do to maximize everything before doing something but I'm actually avoiding the main goal because it isn't up to my standard condition. It sometimes becomes so debilitating that I dread doing things. It so frustrating. I just want to enjoy life and learn to relax but even relaxing becomes a checklist and only feel relief when checklist for relaxing is complete. Never ending cycle

First of all I have no idea how the flairs work so if the flair is wrong my apologies.

Not sure if this has been talked about here before since I’m new to reddit.
I know OCPD is typically an “adults disorder”
but I was thinking about my childhood last night and younger me was fully displaying OCPD traits from as young as I can remember.

I’m currently in the process of getting diagnosed, I started researching it when every person I know who knows things about the disorder told me that I should look into it since according to them, I heavily displayed traits. Apart from the fact every symptom on the list fits me to a T, the main reason it wasn’t so hard for me to grasp this was that every OCPD trait about me is how i have been since early childhood.

I can definitely pin-point things that could’ve been triggers but I haven’t seen anyone else say they had a reaction to the triggers at such a young age and that it usually develops later.
I could go on a long list about every time I displayed OCPD throughout my childhood, but I know I’m not supposed to list off moments and ask for a diagnosis so that’s not what I’m gonna do, I just wanna know if there’s any chance that people can develop it from much younger ages?

Hey, pwOCPD here.

I often refuse to admit one feeling of mine, since it’s usually evoked by someone/something else (it’s still my feeling and a “me problem), but I HATE the idea that I can be affected by an outside “force”.

Idk if you can relate, but I feel like I lose my autonomy. And it makes me angry at the person-thing, that it CAN affect me while I do NOT want to be affected.

Do you have this?
How do you cope?
What could be a healthy mindset for this?

Hey. I am diagnosed with Ocpd (only recently), and I want to understand my PD.

What are some stuff that are natural to you, but it’s actually the PD itself?

What are the acts you think of as natural, but others commented on them being a bit much?