r/OCPD

I'm not seeking diagnosis I'm just sharing my experience .

I'm from ATX and a while back I saw a dr at Seton MIND Institute. I wouldn't recommend that place. I was wondering if I had something and she diagnosed me with OCD instead of ocpd. It was a pretty bad relationship I never agreed with her opinion on it . She didn't even assess me and she kind of blew me off every chance I got to try to express myself. It felt like she didn't really pursue any further exploration. So I never got a complete and full interview and assessment. When I look at it on paper I relate more to ocpd then ocd.

I'm curious to hear about other people's experiences especially the symptom of being Frugal with money . At the time if you're wondering I just didn't know and I couldn't just go somewhere else. I really hate it that experience.

I have suspected OCPD or at least exhibit some traits, and my therapist and I are just beginning to delve into that without searching for an official diagnosis, just seeing if treating this suspicion could help me.

That said, I feel at an impasse with them at the moment. They're suggesting our work focus on identifying the things I truly need to put my focus into and work to solve/mitigate, and then letting the others slide. I suggested it's unrealistic to know which things will be important to focus on until they've already occurred. Therefore, if we go down this route and start to minimize my ability to predict and address problems, I will be inviting more suffering into my life.

I do think that is probably the correct path forward as the amount of "mitigation" I'm doing at the moment is unsustainable, but I'm having trouble coping with the idea that I will just be inviting more suffering into my life. It seems rational to expect my life to be worse if I prevent fewer problems.

My therapist does not agree with me and won't really give me a satisfactory answer to this, but I also feel like perhaps either I'm not articulating it correctly or they are not fully grasping what I'm saying.

Has anyone dealt with this before? What were some ways you were able to navigate this discussion and move forward? I would like to but I also feel like if this basic idea can't be acknowledged then we'd be on two completely different pages. But of course, that could just be my personality warping the truth before it hits my mind.

Thanks in advance for any responses/links, and sorry if any terminology I used was incorrect. I am very new to exploring OCPD.

and I relate to it so much. i thought i had OCD with an obsession with work. and compulsions to have everything complete to the standards I imposed that I struggle to meet. but this seems to be similar except under another name. i’d love to talk to anyone if they are willing, as I feel quite alone with these struggles I have. I feel quite trapped. OCPD seems to be represented as a disorder ppl do not understand they have. I see that I have issues, though i think they are justified and necessary for me to have to be in control and prevent bad things from happening

I believe my neurotic and obsessive tendencies with work make sense, because I’m not as smart as others at work and feel behind. So i believe that it makes sense for me to be obsessive about my work tasks and work weekends to make up for it in order to keep up and make sure performance doesn’t drop , as I want to keep my job. Does anyone else have similar? I must reach 40 hrs or more each week. if I don’t focus for a part of that I must work later to make up for it. I also work weekends as It’s tough to be productive to my standards and complete my to do list within the work week. it’s terrible actually. I also cannot sleep at night due to uncertain tasks at work. rarely i’ll feel safe and okay. it’s really nice. but usually it’s just this cycle. i even pull all nighters working and feel it’s what Im supposed to do, as Im so slow w work and don’t want to get in trouble

Has this ever happened to you? Full time job, 5 days/wk. I was expecting the normal 8.5 hrs. The coffee breaks contained within the 8 hrs, and the unpaid 1/2 hr lunch added on. Then I start and am told I leave at 5, not 4:30.

I asked the hiring manager what gives, did she not say I would be done at 4:30?, and she says she cannot remember, just that she said there would be clean up after closing at 4:00. That's normal, I start at 8, then I'd be leaving at 4:30.

I know they are allowed (it's legal) to tack the coffee breaks on top of the 8 hrs (unusual), but they have to get my acceptance of that before I start, and they didn't. It's "misrepresentation of job offer". They are now saying working 8-5 is "normal". But I've NEVER had an employer make me stay on site for 9 hrs. Quite put out, and don't know how to handle this, without losing the job.

What to do/say? Without showing my anger and feeling of being taken advantage of?

got diagnosed with adhd by one doctor and ocpd by another. each doctor disagreed with the other diagnosis, but i relate strongly to both. has anyone else experienced this kind of diagnostic conflict?

Studies have found that people with OCPD and BPD have a higher rate of medical problems than people with other PDs. ("The economic burden of personality disorders in mental health care." Journal of Clinical Psychiatry, 2008).

Sharon Martin, the author of The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism (2019), explains that “Self-care doesn’t fit our image of perfection; we think perfect people are self-sacrificing, low-maintenance, don’t-need-anything types who can run on fumes and still get the job done. Because we have such unrealistic expectations for ourselves, we tend to underestimate our need for self-care and feel guilty about needing to rest, set boundaries, nurture our relationships, or have fun.” (177)

“Self-care is the practice of consistently taking care of our physical, emotional, or spiritual needs…Self-care is often confused with leisure, self-indulgence, or anything that’s enjoyable.” (178)

Self-care is “not a reward that we have to earn—nor is it selfish…Resting when you’re tired is no different than eating when you’re hungry, and yet we tend to judge ourselves negatively for resting…” (179)

Gary Trosclair, an OCPD specialist, explains that “The danger for the driven person is that the body becomes a mere vehicle; its pleasures and wisdom are untapped, and it may be treated so badly that it breaks down. Because you have a great capacity to delay gratification and tolerate pain, you may not give your body the attention it needs. Many compulsives, with their predilection for planning, have their center of gravity in their head, not in their body.” (89) The Healthy Compulsive (2020)

Ep. 76: The Need to Control: A Compulsive Recipe for Poor Health - The Healthy Compulsive Project Podcast

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GAS TANK METAPHOR

When Dr. Anthony Pinto starts working with a client who has OCPD, he shares the metaphor that people have “a gas tank or a wallet of mental resources…We only have so much that we can be spending each day or exhausting out of our tank.” The “rules” of people with untreated OCPD are “taxing and very draining.” In order for clients to make progress in managing OCPD, they need to have a foundation of basic self-care.

Dr. Pinto asks them about their eating and sleeping habits, leisure skills, and their social connections. He assists them in gradually improving these areas—“filling up the tank”—so that they have the capacity to make meaningful changes in their life. When clients are “depleted” (lacking a foundation of self-care), trying to change habits leads to overwhelm. S1E18: Part V

DIMMER SWITCH METAPHOR

Dr. Pinto helps his clients adjust the amount of effort they give to a task based on its importance. He has observed that individuals with OCPD tend to give 100% effort when completing low priority tasks—giving them far more time and energy than they require. This can lead to burnout, where they are not initiating tasks. He compares this all-or-nothing approach to a light-switch.

Dr. Pinto compares an alternative approach to a dimmer switch. His clients conserve their energy for important tasks. They learn how to adjust their effort so that they are making more progress on high priority tasks (e.g. ones that relate to their core values), and “dialing down” their effort for low priority tasks (e.g. washing dishes).

A light switch is either on or off—"that tends to be the way that a lot of people with OCPD approach the effort that they put into a task…It's all or nothing. I'm either going to put maximum effort or not at all. The problem with the light switch is that it doesn't allow for any modulation or gradations of effort for things that don't really require 100% effort…Let's imagine that you could dial up or down the amount of effort you put into a task à la a dimmer switch based on how important that particular task or decision is.”

Dr. Pinto’s clients with OCPD find the “dimmer switch” approach to effort empowering.

I love this metaphor. Having the mindset of 'pace yourself, conserve energy' was very helpful and fueled improvement in all of my OCPD symptoms.

SELF-CARE MANTRAS

Self-care is the best investment.

Put your own oxygen mask on first.

You can't pour from an empty cup.

Self-care is not self-indulgence, it’s self-preservation. 

Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean ‘me first’: it means ‘me too.’  

Rest is not a reward. You do not need to earn the right to rest.

RESOURCES

Self-Care Books That Helped Me Manage OCPD Traits - The resources I used to improve my sleep and lose 100 lbs.

Dr. Allan Mallinger is a psychiatrist who shared his experiences providing individual and group therapy to clients with OCPD in Too Perfect: When Being in Control Gets Out of Control (1996, 3rd ed.). You can listen to Too Perfect with a free trial of Amazon Audible. 

Dr. Mallinger’s clients with OCPD "seem to sense a constant, ever-lurking threat of embarrassment or humiliation, and they will go to great lengths to avoid it” (39).

The most common theme in his client’s statements is “the desire to eliminate feelings of vulnerability and risk, and to gain instead a sense of safety and security…Trust is a leap of faith that makes us vulnerable—to betrayal, exploitation, incompetence, chance, and the unexpected—a leap that flies in the face of guaranteed fail-safe passage." (112)

People with OCPD tend to "doubt people’s motives, honesty, and reliability. They doubt that others care for them as much as they say they do, and that these people will still care tomorrow.” (112)

Dr. Mallinger explains why intimacy can cause anxiety in people with OCPD: “The closer you are to someone, the more likely he or she is to see all aspects of your personality—both the ‘good’ traits and those you feel are unattractive or even shameful.” (108-9)

“Becoming less guarded is not something that can be ‘worked on’ all alone…such change must take place within living, breathing relationships. Remind yourself that no one and nothing can be one-hundred-percent dependable. [People without OCPD] understand this and still manage to trust and depend upon one another...It’s not that these people don’t see the risks of opening themselves to others. Instead they know that many of the best things in life—such as a sense of connection and closeness with other people—are worth the risks…

https://preview.redd.it/vyqzpew9rh1h1.png?width=732&format=png&auto=webp&s=61c4068e1f3849addd7e34371d72bf28e7ef30e9

“Try to be conscious of the fact that your guarded behavior is likely to cause the very rejection and isolation…that you fear. Realize that other people are very apt to misinterpret your guardedness, taking it as a hurtful indication that something in them is causing you to hold yourself at a distance.” (124-5)

"It takes determination and patience to become less guarded…changes occur slowly…Over time, the guarded person gradually is able to reveal more and more of the real self beneath the façade—the spontaneously experienced feelings and thoughts. And often, for the first time, he or she begins to experience what it’s like to feel truly understood and still cared for—something that never seemed possible.” (124-5)

My Experience

Taking small social risks every day made a huge difference in reducing my OCPD traits. My thoughts about my ‘wall’ of guardedness:

-This wall protected me from my abusive parents (hypervigilance).

-Now that I’m safe, most of this wall has outlived its usefulness. As an adult, this wall often prevented me from taking even small risks that can enrich my life.

-This wall makes it hard to see opportunities for social connection.

-When my wall is up, it’s hard to recognize my feelings.

-My wall impairs my ability to perceive myself, other people, and the world accurately.

-This wall can be misperceived by other people as rudeness and arrogance.

-This wall takes a lot of time and energy to keep up. If I spent a little less time and energy on this wall, I can use that time and energy in healthier ways.

-My wall is usually very effective in keeping dangerous people away. The problem is that it’s keeping the kind people away too. Does it need to be so high? Does it need to be up in all situations?

CO-MORBIDITY

About 40% of people with Paranoid Personality Disorder also have OCPD.

Many years ago, I took an assessment called the MMPI online. My score on the paranoia scale was very high. I didn't know what to make of that. Later, I realized that my untreated OCPD and childhood trauma led to paranoid tendencies and hypervigilance.

RESOURCES

Spotlight Effect

How Self Control and Inhibited Expression Hurt Relationships

So I guess this is a small vent and just seeing if other people feel the same and what’s helped

So small backstory official OCPD diagnosis over two years ago with other sprinkles of flavors / diagnoses originally misdiagnosed OCD and a few i/o treatments for funsies ( I’m using dark humor don’t hate me)

I understand that I have limitations and that things need to be worked on you go to therapy you try treatments and I understand that nothing is overnight no matter how badly we want that instant gratification but the insane perfectionism that feels like it is radiating through my body at the fact that certain specific things are not mixed with everything on how long it’s been is utterly exhausting trying to keep it straight in my mind that these things take time and it’s exhausting no matter how much rationality it has in my brain that I understand it will just take more time. I cannot get the perfectionism and need for it too be done or done more proper than it is being done now close my mind.

I’ve been on an SSRI for “anxiety” for a few years before COVID hit. During my three months off work, I had always wanted to try THC, but I was afraid of drug testing. This was my chance to try it and get it out of my system before returning to work. I tried it, and it transformed my life. I had no idea how much my brain hindered my productivity by simply trying to survive the moment.

Fast forward a few years, and I started feeling incredibly guilty about my daily use. I felt like THC wasn’t “supposed” to be used as a fix for my anxiety. But it was. It never affected my work, and I didn’t become lazy. In fact, I became a better husband and father, found Jesus, and even wrote a book. It has been such a positive experience, but I can’t shake this guilty feeling.

Recently, I saw a therapist who suggested that I might be on the wrong medication and that I should distance myself from THC. She diagnosed me with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and Substance Use Disorder (SUD), which only made me feel like she didn’t understand me at all (except for the OCPD, which was spot on).

A few weeks into my new medication, I’ve gradually reduced my THC usage to give it a fair chance. I must admit, I hate this. Nothing compares to the relief I get from THC, and I’m starting to feel hopeless (not suicidal).

The scientific research on the positive effects of THC is questionable at best, so I can’t be sure if what I was experiencing was genuine or just a case of addict talk. Can anyone relate to this?

Cognitive behavioral therapies, while, again, are crucial approaches towards neurotic expressions, can be quite ineffective on their own in addressing fundamental causes, complex cases, or when existential crises arise; particularly if severe traumatising experiences are linked to them. Somatic experiencing, psychodynamic, internal family systems, Coherence, EMDR therapy, and whatnot —which can be integrated into a larger, trauma-informed framework, such as a phase-based one, among others— would be better suited to heal from those griviences leading to neurosis while engaging into cognitive behavioral work to address the former.

>A Freudian (psychoanalytic) analyst would approach Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) by focusing on uncovering and resolving unconscious conflicts that are believed to be at the root of the symptoms. Unlike modern, evidence-based treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), which focus on managing and changing thoughts and behaviors, Freudian psychoanalysis aims for deeper insight into the "why" behind the OCD. [¹]

>A Jungian (analytical psychology) analyst [for instance] would approach Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) differently from a Freudian analyst, though both share a focus on the unconscious. While Freud emphasizes unconscious conflicts and repressed impulses, Jung's perspective expands to also include the collective unconscious, archetypes, and the process of individuation. [²]

Jungian Quotes;

>If we follow the history of a neurosis with attention, we regularly find a critical moment when some problem emerged that was evaded .. ⌚

A teen patient's dream; >He is walking along an unfamiliar street. It is dark, and he hears steps coming from behind him. With a feeling of fear he quickens his pace. The footsteps come nearer, and his fear increases. He begins to run but the footsteps seem to be overtaking him. Finally, he turns around, and there he sees The Devil, in deathly terror he leaps into the air and hangs there suspended. This dream was repeated twice, a sign of its special urgency.

His interpretation; >It is a notorious fact that the compulsion neuroses, by reason of their meticulousness and ceremonial punctiliousness, not only have the surface appearance of a moral problem, but are indeed brimful of inhuman beastliness and ruthless evil, against the integration of which the very delicately organized personality puts up a desperate struggle. This explains why so many things have to be performed in ceremonially “correct” style, as though to counteract the evil hovering in the background.

>After this dream, the compulsion neurosis started, and its essential feature was that the patient, as he put it, had to keep himself in a “provisional” or “uncontaminated” state of purity.

>For this purpose he either severed or made “invalid” all contact with the world and with everything that reminded him of the transitoriness of human existence, by means of lunatic formalities, scrupulous cleansing ceremonies, and the anxious observance of innumerable rules and regulations of an unbelievable complexity. Even before the patient had any suspicion of the hellish existence that lay before him, the dream showed him that if he wanted to come down to earth again there would have to be a pact with evil. ⌚

>Once a young man came to me with a severe cases of compulsion neurosis, he produced a voluminous manuscript, which, so he said, contained the history and analysis of his case. He called it a compulsion neurosis quite correctly, as I saw when I read the document. It was a sort of psychoanalytical autobiography, most intelligently worked out showing really remarkable insight. It was a regular scientific treatise, based on a wide reading and a thorough study of the literature. I congratulated him on his achievement and asked him what he had really come for.

>"Well!", he said, " You have read what I have written. Can you tell me why, with all my insight, I am still as neurotic as ever? In theory I should be cured, as I have recalled even my earliest memories. I have read of many people who, with infinitely less insight than I have, were nevertheless cured. Why should I be an exception? Please tell me what it is I have overlooked or am still repressing. "

>I told him I could not at the moment see any reason why his really astonishing insight had not touched his neurosis… " .. there remains only one, perhaps quite foolish, question: you do not mention where you come from and who your parents are. You say you spent last winter on the Riviera and the summer in St. Moritz. Were you very careful in the choice of your parents? ” “ Not at all. ”

>“ You have an excellent business and are making a good deal of money? ” “ No, I cannot make money. ”

>“ Then you have a big fortune from an uncle? ” “ No. ”

>“ Then where does the money come from? ” He replied: “ I have a certain arrangement. I have a friend who gives me the money. ”

>I said: “ It must be a wonderful friend! ” and he replied: “ It is a woman. ”

>She was much older than himself, aged thirty-six, a teacher in an elementary school with a small salary, who fell in love with the fellow who was twenty-eight. She lived on bread and milk so that he could spend his winter on the Riviera and his summer in St. Moritz.

>“ And you ask why you are ill ! ”

>He said: “ Oh, you have a moralistic point of view; that is not scientific. ”

>I said: “ The money in your pocket is the money of the woman you cheat. ”

>He said, “ No, we agreed upon it. I had a serious talk with her and it is not a matter for discussion that I get the money from her. ”

>I said: “ You are pretending to yourself that it is not her money, but you live by it, and that is immoral. That is the cause of your compulsion neurosis. It is a compensation and a punishment for an immoral attitude. ”

>An utterly unscientific point of view, of course, but it is my conviction that he deserves his compulsion neurosis and will have it to the last day of his life if he behaves like a pig.

>He went right away like a god and thought: “ Dr. Jung is only a moralist, not a scientist. Anybody else would have been impressed by the interesting case instead of looking for simple things. "

>He commits a crime and steals the savings of a lifetime from an honest woman in order to be able to have a good time. That fellow belongs in jail, and his compulsion neurosis provides it for him all right.⌚

>The more projections are thrust in between the subject and the environment, the harder it is for the ego to see through its illusions. You promise yourself all the time new countries, new chances, wonderful things, and are lured on and on, living the provisional life. That is very typical of the specific psychology of the neurotic; part of the neurosis consists of that suspended life, or rather, the provisional life. I learned that term from a patient who had suffered from a compulsion neurosis since he was twenty and had become completely cut off from their world. He said: " The trouble is, I am living a provisional life, and the name of it is Happy Neurosis Island, where nothing has come off yet. I am now forty-five, and I know I began my provisional life .. went to Happy Neurosis Island when I was seventeen. And I cannot be cured because, if I should remember again, I should wake up a boy of seventeen and have to realize that so many years had gone by wasted[neither did he enjoy a hedonistic life of boyhood and youth, nor did he accomplish significant achievements]inferred—I can never admit to myself that I've wasted the best twenty-five years of my life!— Now, I have hope and I can live. "

>I told him in the beginning that he would not put it through, because he could not bring off the sacrifice of thirty years; it is a bloody sacrifice to cut away thirty years of your life! He could have done it if he had wanted to be cured, but he didn't.⌚

>You see, it is very typical of human beings that as long as they are suspended and they have a chance to move on, they always have hope of finding the good thing round the next corner, so they never insist on having happiness where they are. But when you settle down and assume that now it will come off, you are up against a brick wall. Happiness does not descend upon you, it is even a considerable strain to keep quiet. And then you think regretfully of former times when you could escape and disappear somewhere in the clouds on the horizon. ⌚

>Carelessness of all kinds, neglected duties, tasks postponed, willful outbursts of defiance, and so on, all these can dam up their vitality to such an extent that certain quanta of energy, no longer finding a conscious outlet, stream off into the unconscious, where they activate other compensating contents, which in turn begin to exert a compulsive influence on the conscious mind.⌚

>Instinct stimulates thought, and if a man does not think of his own free will, then you get compulsive thinking, for the two poles of the psyche, the physiological and tegmental, are unsolubly connected. For this reason instinct cannot be freed without freeing the mind, just as mind divorced from instinct is condemned to futility.⌚

>More acute cases develop every sort of phobia, and, in particular, compulsion symptoms. The pathological contents have a markedly unreal character, with a frequent moral or religious streak. A petty fogging captiousness follows, or a grotesquely punctilious morality combined with primitive "magical" superstitions that fall back on abstruse rites.⌚

>History > https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/how-long-has-ocd-been-around#h-people-were-describing-ocd-long-before-it-was-called-that

>Warning ⚠️ https://iocdf.org/expert-opinions/ineffective-and-potentially-harmful-psychological-interventions-for-obsessive-compulsive-disorder/

[¹] 🔗https://www.reddit.com/r/psychoanalysis/s/b3bl817V0n

[²] 🔗https://youtu.be/bNFSqiadG60?si=fpuQhwLj9NWZGj3U

Do you guys ever get this feeling of "If I can't be this way, then what's the point"?

It can be about your personal capabilities, personality, behavior, anything. But many times a lot of my personal suffering revolves around not being 'adequate' enough or 'capable' enough or not having a quality that I can't reasonably achieve on my own (ex.: physical features).

And I get this feeling of dread and pointlessness. If I can't achieve/be what I want, what's the point of existing as 'me' then.

And I don't *want* to kill myself realistically speaking. I don't *want* to die. But my mind is a loop of me saying the most horrifying shit to myself and kinda coming to the conclusion that it's not worth it to exist. Everyone thinks I'm inadequate (according to myself. I'm aware this is 100% bullshit, probably, but I can't help thinking like that anyway) and I can't have that. I refuse to accept it. So why bother with anything. I just feel disdain towards my own existence idk.

Hi everyone,

So for my OCPD I don’t have an issue with like cleaning, making lists etc. Rather my issue is mental rumination on what’s “right” in ambiguous situations rather than what I want. I also have a hard time of letting go when something is outside my control. I just got out of a long term relationship and it’s a month later and I’m have a hard time not ruminating over different little things I could have done differently that maybe would have saved the relationship.

Just wondering if anyone relates and what worked for you if you experienced something similar.

My psychiatrist suggested I have OCPD a while ago when I spoke about my severe communication anxiety. I get in spirals where I am overwhelmed and don’t answer a text or miss it and then begin avoiding my messages completely due to my growing anxiety.

It just makes the situation worse and I end up crumbling under pressure and messing up relationships and opportunities. I’m in the middle of a crisis right now and I realized a big part of it is me stressing over the perfect excuse/response to send a person to fix the situation and constantly putting it off.

Thinking about sending a text right now makes me want to cry. I am at my family house right now since April 22nd and told my roommate I’d message them the date I’d come back, right before I left they had blown up on me for several issues (that was mostly resolved) so I had my phone on Do no Disturb from the anxiety spike it caused. Since I was on dnd I missed when they first texted me in April, when I realized that I kept trying to think of how to respond and panicking, putting it off.

He had asked if I could look after his cat when he went away for a bit, I said I would love to but I’ll be away and idk when I’m coming back but I’d let him know when we decide I’ll return. Originally I mentioned it’d be in the beginning of may but I wasn’t feeling well and off my meds+doctors appointments so I’m leaving Tuesday now.

After missing the first text I kept thinking about how I’d do it tomorrow and make the “perfect” message to fix everything, but I never did and he texted me again today. I wanted to respond but I can’t bring myself to open the messages. I’m constantly trying to think about what excuse to say and how to word it so everything works out, but as time goes on the pressure only gets worse.

This isnt the first time this has happened it’s basically a constant for me and it’s unbearable. Just writing this post out admitting the roommate situation and thinking about how mad he must be and how terrible I’ve messed up/not met perfect standards makes me cry.

I have to deal with my roommate right now but I can’t even open the messages, I can’t think of what to say or what excuses to use. I have chronic health issues and had a lot of doctor’s appointments and delays? Idk he already blew up on me once the morning before I left town and it really messed me up.

Yesterday I had my first appointment. Finally! But that's sadly only the first step and many more will follow.

After talking for about an hour, the doctor gave me the working diagnoses depression and ocpd. Depression came to no surprise, I was sure of it already. But also ocpd and I spent quite some time on researching symptoms since yesterday and reading through experiences. Thing is, it doesn't feel that relatable. I know you don't have to fit every checkmark, but somehow I don't see myself in that condition. It's hard to explain. It feels like the motivations are different?

I know it's only a working diagnosis and it can change. But how did you feel when the therapist mentioned ocpd for the first time? Did you expect it? Or were you as unsure as me?

My next step is to decide whether I put myself on the wait list for a psychiatric or psychosomatic institution. And it seems like she wanted to push me towards psychiatric. Im okay with partial inpatient, I still want to sleep at home. The appointment yesterday was at the psychosomatic institution.

Over the past year I researched many conditions, and I strongly see myself in adhd and autism. But for example for adhd, the psychosomatic institution doesn't diagnose it, she told me yesterday. Should I still insist and try to get tested for those, or rather trust her first opinion?

What got you to that point?