Hi, I'm now in my 30's and it's been six month of being sober. For the past 20 years I have been an alcoholic substance abuser (never approached mental health professionals). It happened on a regular basis, every night. To escape reality I reinforced my vice with pornography and listening to music and browsing social media (Facebook) looking to feed my fantasies.

My fantasies are woven with stories of how great I am with skills, abilities and knowledge and that people are in awe of what I can do. This kind of escape had developed since I was in my early elementary days.

I did fought my insecurities and fantasies but I knew I needed to retreat with it at the end of the day because I am still lacking mature ways on how to manage and cope. This would go on for hours.

Now, thank God I was able to stop atleast one vice that kept be chained-alcohol. Peeking on social media and Youtube does still trigger these self-centeredness but I am still on the process of lessening my time on Facebook and Youtube. Even my cravings into pornography, it IS a challenge to cut-off from it!

Whenever I see people happy, successful, got acknowledged because of their talents and skills, these insecurities kept visiting me in my head. I would often introject and ''claim'' their reality with that of mine (sa aking sariling mundo). However, having realized that I am ''just me'' and the fantasies subside, this is were those angry thoughts about myself and the ''world'' start speaking.

It's a tough battle for now but what kept me going is prayer, virtual and handwritten journaling. This is my attempt to process my thoughts and feelings one-step-at-a-time. There are times na I REALLY have to avoid celebrations not to be overwhelemed with the pleasure people feel whilst I envy them because I am lacking what they are feeling. I am thankful din kase nakikita ko na meron nang ''gap'' sa aking thoughts and feelings apart from my actions. For example, during rush hour at work whenever I made a mistake or made a customer upset, bigla nalang ma-percieve ko na ''they are going to punish me'', ''they are going to do something bad to me'', or ''they are the ones who are clumsy-NOT I!''. This kind of experience is a general nightmare for me but atleast I am able to remain calm kahit na naguguluhan na ang aking nararamdaman at pang-kaisipan.

With a little bit of concern (although I know that bawal tayo mag-diagnose) I think I might be prone to narcissism and having this thought scares the hell out of me!

I am still on the process of trying to understand myself and hopefully I would be able to have a genuine sense of wellbeing and joy not only to myself but also with the people who are grateful with their life.

hello. apologies if this is not appropriate to here, but I decided to give some importance to this thought and the papers I've read doesn't give a clear answer.

to preface, I already have some PD's. I've AVPD (all but formally put a name on, the coveted paper is unobtainable here), some facets from DPD (also all but formally put a name on) and some facets from PPD (I had previously read that those with AVPD could show overlap with cluster A personality disorders and according to DSM-5 I may be meeting the minimum needed for a diagnosis).

With those in mind, I had done a Big 5 test based on IPIP-NEO-120 beforehand. In the test I demonstrated 86 Conscientousness. The score on facets were as follows: 15 Self-Efficacy, 12 Orderliness, 15 Dutifulness, 15 Achivement-Striving, 14 Self-Discipline, 15 Cautiousness.

Today I had read up on what OCPD is in a lot more detail. My thoughts on some of the criterion is as follows:

I do consider myself a workaholic and I guess I occasionally have miserly thoughts. But my Openness is also high (94) when OCPD would bring a low score to my understanding. And I think I might be decently flexible. I do pay attention to details a lot but I don't know whether it's excessive or not. Perfectionism was something I was mostly guilty of in my pre-teen years, I think my tendency to be one decreased. Having control over people and environment (though environment is less-so) is something I'm guilty of, but I don't know if the motive's similar to OCPD. I tend to control people because I don't trust people and I think that they will emotionally hurt me later on, or leave me because I'm too flawed. I also love putting things to order or structuring my time in a broad manner. I don't know if I insist on things being done in a certain manner. To others I can insist, but by myself I tend to not do such a thing.

I would appreciate any advice, non-medical of course.

im wondering if anyone else feels this and how you deal with it.

Basically, when my husband is upset or depressed, i feel dysregulated, unsure, anxious, and personally unsteady in myself and in my perception of our relationship. I become really intent on helping him feel better, but I know that part of the reason why I do that is to alleviate my own anxiety, which is not good and can lead to me becoming angry at him for not feeling better. I really don’t like that about myself and want to change it. but I feel like my regulation techniques and reframing are only partially helpful, probably because I am spending a lot of time mentally beating myself up for having a flaw. I wish I could stop my severe relationship anxiety while also just altruistically helping him feel better. I wish I didn’t get so upset when he is feeling upset. if y’all have similar experience, what helps?

How do you stop turning your ‘healing’ into another project to perfect?

My therapist has said that it sounds like I meet the criteria for OCPD. I want to get a formal diagnosis.

My mind immediately starts thinking of the ways I can start organising my journey of ‘healing’. I don’t know how to stop myself from turning this into something I need to organise and perfect.

For example, I know that a healthy diet, exercising and proper sleep are crucial for good mental health. The problem is I have already been trying to perfect these aspects of my life for a long time. I will end up approaching exercising like this:

•Find the perfect exercise plan (planning always takes a long time for me)
•Plan the perfect days and time to exercise, analyse it against my week and other schedules and write them down in a planner
• Start performing the exercise plan \*\*
This is where my difficulties arise I cannot let myself do things slowly, I have to exercise and exercise for 3 days a week minimum. I either ‘go hard or go home’. This approach ends in two ways. I will start excessively exercising to the point I will hurt myself or burn out or if I miss a day I have failed. After I feel like I have failed it is very hard to keep going. I go into this shame spiral of not being able to accomplish a perfect routine, it is almost like a depressive state.

Does anyone else experience this?

I feel like my life has been a constant cycle of perfecting and optimising every aspect of it, but my go hard or go home approach always ends up crashing down on me. It is like I can’t do things half arsed. I have tried to do things slowly but it just feels so wrong and gives me so much discomfort. I don’t know how to stop myself from approaching everything this way.

I am concerned now because I really want to help myself and manage OCPD if that is what this is but my brain is already going a hundred miles an hour researching and thinking of the ways I can try to implement a ‘healing’ process.

Please help me! I feel like I’m stuck and I just go round and round in these circles and I can’t get out. How do I approach things differently??

Edit - Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply to me, I honestly appreciate it.

Hey, diagnosed OCPD here.

What do you do for anger management?

Let’s say you get annoyed - maybe your work quality, or others’ work quality annoys you, or pretty much anything

You are fed up with anger and frustration

- What do you do?

I visited a therapist to discuss my recent relationship and breakup and the therapist told me that I have OCPD traits. The place I see them show up the most is in romantic and sexual relationships. Ever since I started to have any kind of dating life as a teen, I have had all kinds of rules for myself about when I am allowed to date someone, what type of people I can date, who I can have sex with, at what point in a relationship I’m allowed to have sex, and all kinds of other circumstances that need to be “just right” or at least good enough for me to feel comfortable being in relationships. I am no longer religious but as a teen I was in an evangelical, “purity culture”-saturated environment which I think contributed a lot to this issue.

I think I am reaching a turning point where my rules are really harming me; when I get broken up with by someone and things turn sour, I freak out that my rules didn’t work and things turned out badly, especially if the person dumping me does something hurtful during the breakup or can’t give a reasonably communicative explanation for why they are leaving me. I go completely off the deep end and do not know how to mentally recover, and this is especially true if the relationship was serious and had sex involved. I read one of the popular books on OCPD and really related to the personal stories of people who felt “wronged” in relationships where they thought they’d “done everything right” and they let their anger and pain over the “injustice” essentially ruin their life. That is pretty much me to a T, and then I have added on top of it these very conservative rules about sex and romance—I go to great lengths to pick “safe” partners, and if they ever become “unsafe” or we have to cut contact, I truly feel like I need to die because my rules haven’t worked or kept me safe and I don’t know how to go on in life having some of these terrible experiences and permanently damaged relationships as part of my life when I tried so hard to make the relationship “safe”/“perfect”/“just right.”

It’s like I can’t or don’t want to accept that things won’t always work out even if I try to “do everything right,” and it’s seriously taking a toll on my mental health because I just keep trying to make my rules stricter to pick better partners and more conservative sexual situations, therefore making myself “safer,” but every time I get into a negative relational situation I freak out and feel even worse than the time before since it seems none of my strategies for creating the perfect safe or painless scenario actually work.

Idk if I’m explaining this well but if anyone has dealt with this type of OCPD trait presentation I would be so curious to hear how you helped yourself, became able to deal with negative relationship outcomes, or warmed up to seeing things in a less “black and white” way because I am reaching a point where I think I need to help myself out of this mindset somehow instead of just “trying harder” or making more rules to keep myself “safe.”

I saw a video where the psych said OCPD was the most prevalent personality disorder. Is there truth to that? If so, how come you never hear about it but instead hear about Cluster B disorders most often?

One thing about me is that if I make a mistake or I’m untidy, messy, or sloppy about something, I 100% own up to it, even before it’s acknowledged. I’m so aware of my own flaws that I don’t feel threatened when someone calls me out. But what I don’t have respect for is people who are sloppy but will never own up to it. Or even worse, people who pretend they’re perfect or “hard working.” I hate it when people feel threatened when you point out their mistakes. Like, do you want to stay unaware?

It’s the end of the month and I am planning to restart my life again tomorrow (July 1st; my excuse is that it’s the first day of the month and the first day of the second half of the year). If I told you that I’ve been restarting my life from the age of 6 (I’m currently 30) would you believe me? And when I say restarting it I mean every day or every 2 days or at the start of a new week or a new month or if i had 30 or 60 or 90 days til my birthday. I find every excuse to restart my life hoping that I’ll do everything perfectly (it almost never lasts for more than 5 days!), whenever i sense the slightest mistake or failure or imperfection I decide to stop everything and start planning again.

When I say i stop everything and restart I mean I restart everything from my skin care to my personal relationships to my studying. I have an exam and I’ve been repeating chapter one for almost a month now, risking the possibility of never finishing what I have to study. I sometimes cancel everything when someone else bother me or treat me badly, cause I want my surrounding to be all perfect.

It has been a long time but today I just felt exhausted, I’m sick of waiting for 12:00 am on the first day of the month to start doing what I actually want to do. I’m sick of setting all those goals and never wait to see any progress cause I’m always resetting. I’m sick of pretending that the person who I was yesterday is not who I am today and I just can’t stop all these thoughts.

Is there any terminology for what I have? Am I the only one who is like this? Is there any possible solution for my behaviors?

I have some reaaaally bad issues with showcasing my work. It’s the perfectionism: I personally want to tore apart my own work, especially when it’s a current one

Years later I always realise: damn, that work wasn’t all bad at all…

But again, I am shitfuckingscared and anxious to expose my stuff. Or my face. Or anything

It makes me SO anxious. Whenever I post, I always get so sick that I start to panic….

Do you have something similar?

So I am trying to parse out whether this is an ADHD thing, an OCPD thing, or a combination. I am in remission from my OCPD and generally can handle disturbances to my routines with a lot more flexibility these days. I have basically learned to function mostly normally and what remains is exceptionally high conscientiousness, but the rigidity has softened considerably. However, one area that continues to be very… sticky… is around my open tasks being interfered with by others.

For example:

- I am in the midst of doing laundry tasks. I walk out of the laundry room to bring my laundry bag back upstairs. Or I run to grab a wayward towel that I forgot in another room that should be thrown in with the load of towels. Or I want to grab the laundry basket now so it’s already in the laundry room when the dryer is done.

I come back and the laundry room door is now closed, because my father’s home office is across from the laundry room and he understandably doesn’t want to hear the dryer making noises while he’s on work calls. I immediately get agitated and insist that he not close the door while I’m still in laundry mode. “If the door is open, I am still using the laundry room. I always close it when I am done. Please respect that I have left it open for good reason.”

- I am getting ready for bed in my bathroom, which directly abuts my bedroom. I often go back and forth between my room and the bathroom repeatedly as I do my nighttime routine. Sometimes I need to wait 10 minutes for my night guard to be properly disinfected and I want to watch TV in the meantime. Sometimes I’m not ready to take my contacts out yet. I leave the bathroom light on because I am still in the midst of my nighttime routine tasks.

I come out of my room to resume tasks like washing my face, and one of my parents has turned the bathroom light off. It feels like a violation. I would never leave a light on in a room unless I was still engaging in a task related to the room. I will then inform my parents that the bathroom light is to remain on if I have left it on. I understand that this is impractical and a waste of electricity.

I am very deliberate about every decision I make, and it feels like when my tasks get interrupted, that the other person is robbing me of my ability to properly complete my task. The task feels like my possession, and the premature closure of my task is a theft of sorts. That sounds so ridiculous and as I’ve written this post, it has become clear that this is related to OCPD - probably a combination of the two, though.

Can anyone relate to this specific quirk? I have no idea why this is one of the residual issues I have since I’ve healed, but I am always trying to explore where I am still falling short (in a healthy, non-self-flagellating way.) It’s more about being interested in continuous self-improvement, rather than being self-critical.

Title. Just wanting to see if I relate. I have a diagnosis and am trying to understand it and myself better.

I think I’m more likely to procrastinate, just lay in bed, in a messy room/house because I just can’t touch anything that’s dirty (I know that’s more OCD which I’ve also been diagnosed with). But also, I have a visceral reluctance (or maybe more like fear) of doing chores because my parents not only expected my schoolwork or hobbies to be perfect, but housework as well. For example, when I was growing up, and I did the dishes, if I missed even one spot on a dish, I’d be required to clean every dish in the house. My parents also had certain ways they wanted their laundry to be done but they’d constantly change how they wanted me to do the laundry. I never knew when they’d switch up how they wanted the laundry done, and they got extremely upset if I somehow didn’t know that they had changed their minds about how they wanted the laundry done. Also, say, if I missed even one spot in the microwave, I’d get berated and treated like I hadn’t cleaned the microwave at all. I think my OCPD is internal in presentation and I don’t show it very outwardly? Just a thought. I’m not put together at all. I used to show my symptoms outwardly I believe. I was very punctual(so much so that if I was even going to be a few seconds late to something (class, work, events), I would be unable to go out of embarrassment and shame for being late. So I just wouldn’t show up at all. I made lists, especially lists of my hyperfixations. I’d over work and do the job of 2-3 people, work extra hours. I still work extra hours if I can help it (I already work 10-12 hour days 4-5 days a week). I can’t draw because I’m afraid I will mess up and it won’t be perfect. I have trouble starting new activities (say like archery) because I fear I won’t get it 100% on the first try (getting a bullseye in the first try). Leisure feels impossible even though I’m just laying in bed. My body may be stationary but my mind won’t turn off, ever. I can’t even just watch TV and will instead research hyperfixation topics(mental health). Like, right now I have on Last Week Tonight by John Oliver but instead I’m researching about OCPD. Because OCPD feels like the “right” answer to what I’m dealing with. So my brain has latched onto it like a lifeline. If I know the right answer to my mind and the way it works, I can feel in control. It’s all about control.

I've been struggling for the past year or so to really manage my OCPD when I'm about to start my period. The 1-2 weeks before my period, I just become an absolute grouch, and everything becomes an issue. The dishes are not done within hours - failure. This appointment was not made correctly - failure. I don't want to be touched at all by anyone. Everyone's opinions that differ from mine become a huge moral dilemma for me.

All these things obviously bother me when I'm not on my period, but they become like day-ruining issues for me those 1-2 weeks before.

What I've been hoping to do is place a sleeper sofa in my spare bedroom/office, so if I need space to decompress, I can go in there and really just think if what I am feeling is truly an issue. I double up on my anxiety medication for those 1-2 weeks per my psychiatrist's instructions. I just implemented a cleaning service to come in and deep clean every two weeks.

hi everyone.

I was recently diagnosed with BPD without it being discussed beforehand with my psychiatrist & without explanation. her diagnosis directly disagrees with my previous psychologist’s psych evaluation and diagnosis ( OCPD with BPD traits). I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m frustrated because I think she’s wrong, I’m frustrated because she didn’t talk to me about it, and I’m frustrated that I can’t talk to her about it (she diagnosed me in literally her termination note). I’ve been ruminating over the “right way” to respond and having a hard time sorting out my feelings.

it is definitely true that there is a black hole where my identity/sense of self should be. so much of what I do revolves around how to maintain safety and equilibrium in the current moment. Ive realized many times that I don’t know my likes and dislikes about certain things, because I’m just focused on what “works” in the moment and will create the least opposition and scrutiny. when people do things I disagree with, I rarely challenge them, and will even momentarily change my beliefs. this results in me not really knowing who I am, and that hurts my relationships. I’m wondering if anyone with OCPD also experiences identity problems, and how you handle them.

Anybody here with both? How do they manifest for you? What are some good coping mechanisms and treatments for both?

I do, badly. My love is genuine but obsessive. I think about the “Limerent Object” constantly. Research them. Watch videos about them. Stare at pictures of them. I’ve been told it’s a way to feel in control. Another way I feel in control is by intellectualizing. I have to research my mental health diagnosis’s constantly. I think about them obsessively as well. Because my internal world feels so chaotic and messy.

One thing that comes up often when I've been reading about OCPD is that there's a sense of "coldness" that can happen. It seems some agree this can be perceived as such when it really isn't, or isn't intentionally, it's just, y'know, part of the way it is, - does this seem fairly universally applicable to y'all or is this something that has shades of nuance? This diagnosis is VERY nuanced so I'm trying to really understand that aspect.

Secondly, I was told by my therapist that one of the more digestible major factors between OCPD and, for example, OCD+Autism, was that OCPD behaviors may more often than not involve controlling others to try and control the situation/environment/problem/etc and/or due to the individual's perfectionist tendencies.... whereas OCD is FAR less likely to exhibit this behavior, even with the complicating factor of autism (which could look like this, when involving others)... although I am starting to get the impression that while this can and does happen, I'm wondering how many people with OCPD do not do this? IE: or is it something that, if one is aware of the social constraints and is like "yeah I know I can't just make people, or tell people what to do, etc" that this may come out in more subtle ways, or can be held back or repressed, even if it's stressful and might cause some psychic tension internally, lol.

I am certainly OCPD questioning but have a TON of pertinent related diagnoses genuinely, but I'm not seeking advice on me or anyone else's "do I have," xyz, more so, I'm trying to get clarity on how these traits present and want to hear y'alls LIVED experiences because I'm finding a lot of literature to be overly dry and lacking of nuance (shout out to Dr Neff though for having a lot of nuance and intriguing things that resonated with me).