The Cycle of Maladaptive Perfectionism
Twenty-Ton Shield of Perfectionism
Insights On Emotional Neglect And Perfectionism From PTSD Expert
Letting Go Of Critical Thoughts About Other People
When Your Comfort Zone Keeps You Stuck
Recognizing Cognitive Distortions Breaks the Cycle of Maladaptive Perfectionism
How Childhood Trauma Creates Control Issues - 9 minute video from Tim Fletcher, a mental health counselor.
Someone posted recently about feeling deep shame due to receiving an OCPD diagnosis. I came across this poem, and thought it might be helpful to share. It can be so overwhelming to view your whole life with a different lens.
Shame can keep us stuck in the past, and interfere with developing healthier habits. Developing self-compassion and making amends when possible can be a way to move forward.
Now that I knew I had OCPD, it was my responsibility to learn healthier habits. The best ways for me to prevent OCPD symptoms are by practicing mindfulness and self-care, and recognizing cognitive distortions.
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters, Portia Nelson
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost....I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault
It takes forever to find a way out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I cannot believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault
It still takes a long time to get out.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there.
I still fall in...it’s a habit...but,
my eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
I walk down another street.
I found this information helpful in reducing my trauma symptoms. I joke that I'm a recovering thinkaholic. My parents are lawyers. The unspoken rule in my childhood home was to repress feelings and focus on achievement.
From Running On Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect (2019), Jonice Webb
Understanding The Purpose and Value of Your Emotions (pgs. 120-22)
“Neuroscientists have studied extensively the evolutionary development of the human brain. For humans, the ability to feel emotion evolved millions of years before the ability to think. Human emotions originate in the limbic system, which is buried deep below the cerebral cortex, the section of the brain where thought originates. In this way, our feelings are a more basic part of who we are than our thoughts…Our emotions cannot be erased, and will not be denied, any more than we can erase or deny our hunger or thirst.”
“Sometimes, especially to emotionally neglected people, emotions feel like a burden…[but] emotion is necessary for survival. Emotions tell us when we are in danger, when to run, when to fight and what is worth fighting for. Emotions are our body’s way of communicating with us and driving us to do things.”
| Emotion | Function |
|---|---|
| fear | tells us to escape/self-preservation |
| anger | pushes us to fight back/self-protection |
| love | drives us to care for spouse, children, others |
| passion | drives us to procreate, create and invent |
| hurt | pushes us to correct a situation |
| sadness | tells us we are losing something important |
| compassion | pushes us to help others |
| disgust | tells us to avoid something |
| curiosity | drives us to explore and learn |
“For every emotion, there is a purpose. Emotions are incredibly useful tools to help us adapt, survive, and thrive. People who were emotionally neglected were trained to try to erase, deny, push underground…this invaluable built-in feedback system. Because they are not listening to their emotions, they are operating at a disadvantage from the rest of us. Pushing away this vital source of information makes you vulnerable and…makes it harder to experience life to the fullest.”
“Emotions can do a variety of interesting things when they are pushed underground or ignored. They can:
-become physical symptoms like GI distress, headaches, or back pain
-turn into depression, causing problems with eating, sleep, memory, concentration, or social isolation
-sap your energy
-cause you to explode at random times, or blow up ‘over nothing’
-aggravate anxiety and/or panic attacks
-keep your relationships and friendships superficial and lacking in depth
-make you feel empty and unfulfilled
-cause you to question the purpose and value of your own life
The first step to stopping (for preventing) any of the above from happening to you is learning to recognize your feelings and put them into words...When you identify and name your feelings to yourself or to another person, you are taking the wheel and stepping on the gas. You are taking something from the inside and putting it on the outside. You are making the unknown known. You are taking charge. And you are making the most of a valuable resource: your emotions, your fuel for life…Identifying and putting words to feelings is a skill. Just like any other skill, it has to be worked at, and it requires a lot of effort to develop.” (123)
I found this insight from Brene Brown helpful: "we cannot selectively numb emotions. When we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions.”
She points out that "studies show that suppressing emotions doesn't actually get rid of them. It just stores them in the body. When we refuse to process sadness, it often resurfaces as anxiety, stress, even physical pain…I'd rather face my emotions on my own terms than let them ambush me down the road…When we refuse to let ourselves hurt, we refuse to let ourselves heal.”
"Feelings are like children. You don’t want them driving the car, but you shouldn’t stuff them in the trunk either." Hailey Paige Magee
Carol Lambert has led this group for more than 20 years. She published a book about controlling partners.
Addition to Recommended Books Post, Therapy Group
Resources For Improving Romantic Relationships has two videos about controlling behaviors.
“The obsessional attempts to absorb every piece of information in the universe…every piece of information may have some value on some future occasion.” (26), Leon Salzman, Treatment of the Obsessive Personality (1985, 4^(th) ed.)
READING TO SURVIVE
I’m estranged from my family of origin, and had no friends for 15 years. Books saved my life. Growing up in an abusive home, reading was the closest I felt to being safe.
PSYCHOLOGY THESIS 2.0
My parents took it for granted that my sister and I would do well at school, and offered us little praise. When I gave my mother the final copy of my psychology thesis, she took out a pencil and started marking corrections. I had worked for a year on my thesis while struggling with extreme hopelessness.
Sharing resource posts has been a corrective emotional experience for writing my thesis. Thank you so much for the positive feedback.
MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS AND CAREER CHANGE
When I was 30, my first career ended and I had a brief psychiatric hospitalization. I didn’t grieve for my career, and didn’t work with a therapist. I coped by compulsively researching psychology topics and taking notes at a frantic pace. Along with my files relating to my first career, I ended up with about 1,000 pages in Word Documents.
I didn’t stop to organize my notes—I couldn’t. I was consumed with a vision of publishing a book about mental health and creating a website. Instead of practicing self-care and getting mental health treatment, I hoarded information that could help others. I was too scared to slow down my mind and face my feelings.
LEARNING ABOUT OCPD
Ten years after ending up with 1K pages of notes, I started learning about OCPD and received the correct diagnosis (after an OCD misdiagnosis). I didn’t take notes on The Healthy Compulsive (2020) and Too Perfect (1992); that was a big step for me. I waited more than a year to take any notes on my new coping strategies.
After my therapist said I no longer meet criteria for OCPD, I started to post on r/OCPD and look for more books, articles, and videos on perfectionism and OCPD. This research project helped me maintain my progress:
THE DIFFERENCE, ACCORDING TO GARY TROSCLAIR
The 1K pages of Word Documents were essentially useless. I was too depressed to make my notes coherent. I took notes at a breakneck pace, and never stopped to think about the massive amount of time it would take to edit them. I was unwilling to delete any notes from my first career. I wanted to use every bit of information in my files to help people somehow; the thought of knowledge being wasted was painful.
Sharing r/OCPD resource posts was fun; it was also a big step out of my comfort zone. The basic drive for both projects was the same—wanting to provide information that could help people understand their mental health.
I love this statement from Gary Trosclair about false sense of urgency in people with OCPD: “it raises the question…are we running toward something, or away from something?...It might seem like you’re moving toward something positive if you’re always in a rush, but often enough the fantasy of peace and resolution is really just about outrunning the monster of shame. Or fear or sadness or anger.” This is a perfect description of my state in mind in accumulating 1K pages of notes when I was younger.
FAMILY LEGACY
My parents hoarded knowledge to suppress their feelings about childhood trauma. They were successful lawyers. As a middle school student, my sister announced that she would read all of our encyclopedias during the summer. She earned a 1500 on the SATs...and took them again! She ended up earning three Ivy League degrees. Nothing was celebrated in our home; there was no joy.
FUTURE POSTS
It took a lot of time to research OCPD, but it’s nothing compared to the 25 years I spent feeling hopeless and helpless. OCPD, Depression, and Suicidality. I plan on sharing 3-5 more resource posts for the time being. After that, I’ll share any good videos I find, or new resources from Allan Mallinger, Anthony Pinto, and Gary Trosclair. I will promote their work for the rest of my life. Thank you so much for your interest in my research.
It goes without saying that my commitment to finding OCPDish memes will never waver.
Currently, there are no FDA approved medications that directly target personality disorder symptoms. Mental health providers generally view therapy as the most effective treatment for clients with PDs. They view medication as potentially helping clients benefit fully from therapy (e.g. by improving daily functioning, reducing depression, anxiety).
EXPERIENCES OF r/OCPD MEMBERS
Are you personally on meds for OCPD? Looking for experiences.
Has medication significantly helped anyone?
Pharmacogenomic tests are becoming popular. They are cheek swab tests that evaluate an individual’s DNA to help determine how their body may metabolize or respond to medication. Many years ago, I did a GeneSight test. It was accurate re: meds I had used in the past, and helpful for future decisions. It involves getting a kit in the mail, and returning it with a DNA swab.
I agree with a member who suggested viewing the decision to start taking psychiatric meds as an “experiment,” rather than a long-term commitment.
RESEARCH
Findings from the small body of research on medication for people with OCPD.
From "Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder: A Current Review" (2015), Alice Diedrich, Ulrich Voderholzer:
From Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (2020), Jon Grant, Anthony Pinto, Samuel Chamberlain (Editors), Chapter Ten: Pharmacological Treatment of OCPD, D. Ashkawn Ehsan, Jon Grant, pgs. 210-11:
“SSRIs are the most studied medication class in the treatment of OCPD, followed by TCAs and then SNRIs…Investigated SSRIs included fluvoxamine, fluoxetine, sertraline, paroxetine, citalopram, and escitalopram. Of these drugs, fluvoxamine was the only medication used in a double-blind RCT primarily assessing OCPD trait severity as an outcome. In that trial, fluvoxamine was found to be superior to placebo at decreasing severity of multiple OCPD traits…low dosages of fluvoxamine (100-150 mg/day) may be helpful in reducing severity of OCPD traits, including hoarding.”
“Sertraline at low dosages (<100 mg/day) was found to be superior to placebo in reducing perfectionism in a single open-label trial but inferior to citalopram in reducing OCPD….”
“The results of a single open-label trial and two case series suggest that paroxetine at a relatively low dosage (10-40 mg/day) might help reduce hoarding in adults with OCPD as well as rigidity, perfectionism, and irritability in children with OCPD traits. Citalopram at high dosages (40-60 mg/day) was found to be superior to sertraline in reducing overall OCPD diagnosis in participants with major depression and may also be helpful for hoarding…”
“Results of a single case report suggest that escitalopram at a low dosage (10 mg/day) might improve agreeableness” in people with OCPD.
SNRIs: “On the basis of the results of an open-label trial, a high dosage (>200 mg/day) of venlafaxine XR might be effective in reducing hoarding…Clovoxamine was no more efficacious than placebo at reducing perfectionism.”
TCAs: Studies suggest that clomipramine “may be helpful in reducing OCPD criteria in adults and OCPD traits such as perfectionism, rigidity, and irritability in children….Imipramine (dosage range 70-245 mg/day)….was no more effective than placebo in reducing perfectionism...”
Antipsychotics: “Thiothixene was found to be no more effective than placebo at decreasing OCPD traits…haloperidol may reduce hoarding when administered in combination with other drugs, including thioridazine and carbamazepine, but not when given alone. Additionally, low dosages of thioridazine alone may be effective for hoarding.”
SGAs: A single randomized control trial suggest that low dosage (15 mg/day) of aripiprazole might be helpful in reducing OCPD traits, particularly in patients with co-occurring borderline personality disorder.”
RESOURCES
OCPD Resources For Mental Health Providers
Find Psychiatrists, Psychiatric Nurses - Psychology Today
Pills for the perfectionist – Evidence for... : Archives of Mental Health
Please consider sharing this post with your current and former psychiatrists and psychiatric nurses.
ASSESSMENTS
OCPD is underdiagnosed. Screening clients with OCD, ASD, and trauma disorders for OCPD would increase the diagnosis rate.
Anthony Pinto, Aidan Wright, and Emily Ansell, PhDs, created The Pathological Obsessive Compulsive Personality Scale (POPS) a 49-item survey that assesses rigidity, emotional overcontrol, maladaptive perfectionism, reluctance to delegate, and difficulty with change.
T-Scores of 50 are average. T-score higher than 65 are considered high. In study of people with OCD, a raw score of 178 or higher indicated a high likelihood of co-morbid OCPD. It’s not clear whether this finding applies to people who have OCPD without co-morbid OCD.
The Clinical Perfectionism Scale is available online. Sixteen assessments for perfectionism are available online at Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism
CO-MORBID CONDITIONS
Studies indicate that most individuals with OCPD have one or more co-morbid conditions. In Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism (2014), Sarah Egan and colleagues report that “Studies have shown that perfectionism is not only correlated with but predictive of anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation, and eating disorders. In other words, perfectionism is thought not only to maintain various psychological disorders, but also to play a role in causing them.” (22)
SUICIDALITY
Studies indicate that approximately 30-40% of individuals in every PD population experience suicidality during their lifetime, and about 23% of clients receiving in-patient psychiatric care have OCPD. Suicide Awareness and Prevention Resources
In Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment (2017), Paul Hewitt, Gordon Flett, Samuel Mikail state that “perfectionism, especially socially prescribed perfectionism, has strong links with suicidal behavior….it is imperative to be aware of this and to evaluate suicide potential regularly. Perfectionistic individuals will not necessarily be forthcoming about suicidal impulses…This should be an ongoing concern for therapists at every stage of the assessment and treatment process, and it needs to be addressed in a forthright manner.” (232)
SHAME RESOURCES
“Among the affects described most consistently in the perfectionism and psychoanalytic literatures are shame and its variants…Shame is seen frequently in the course of treatment of perfectionism…and it is at the heart of the socially prescribed perfectionist’s emotional world.” Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment (2017), Paul Hewitt, Gordon Flett, Samuel Mikail, pg. 110
Shame-Informed Therapy (2020), Patti Ashley
Understanding and Treating Chronic Shame (2021), Patricia DeYoung
PERFECTIONISM IN THERAPISTS
Overcoming Perfectionism as a Therapist
In "The Myth of Perfection" (2009), Allan Mallinger states, “Identification with a perfectionistic patient is particularly common, presumably because so many of us have a significant obsessive streak. Therapists who overly identify with patients underrate or miss pathology. For example, they may be seduced into trying to help the perfectionist arrive at a decision, rather than explore the underlying need to avoid error and the significance of this pattern in the patient's life.” (125)
“It is important that therapists be aware of their own perfectionistic inclinations in working with perfectionists. We may unwittingly model the trait even as we are attempting to help the patient modify it. I am referring to such things as needing to supply a smart answer for every question, having to be right, debating, talking in an overly technical or academic fashion, presenting intellectualized interpretations instead of offering clear, plainly worded thoughts or questions for the patient's consideration, and consistently failing to elicit and explore feelings. We sometimes react defensively rather than acknowledge (and apologize for, if appropriate) any of our many errors, and oversights. A therapist's nondefensiveness helps patients feel less apt to be judged and more accepting of their own frailties, limitations, and errors.” (124)
Mental health providers may comment in r/OCPD and r/OCPDPerfectionism. Please check in with the Mods before posting.
I'm living on the edge today. I went to the grocery store without a list...This is the only place I can say that without causing confusion.
In Cognitive Therapy of the Personality Disorders (2004), Aaron Beck and colleagues explain that the categorical view of personality disorders is that they are distinct from each other, as well as from normal personality.
The dimensional view is that personality traits that are relevant to personality disorders lie on a continuum from healthy to pathological. Personality disorders are maladaptive extremes of the personality traits all humans share.
Some mental health providers believe that the PD categories are not useful because it’s so common for people to have more than one PD diagnosis. The website of The American Psychiatric Association states, “People who are diagnosed with a personality disorder most often qualify for more than one diagnosis. A person with a severe personality disorder might meet the criteria for four, five or even more disorders!” (Psychiatry.org - Expert Q&A: Personality Disorders)
Beck and colleagues state that the categorical approach is problematic because of “the lack of clear thresholds for distinguishing between patients with and without specific personality disordes” (54) and the common occurrence of people no longer meeting criteria for their PD diagnosis.
DIMENSIONAL VIEW OF OCPD
In Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism (2014), Sarah Egan and colleagues theorize that “perfectionism is a dimensional construct that can vary in severity from low to high…In other words, perfectionism is not something that people either have or don’t have. Rather, it is something we all experience to varying degrees.” (1)
Gary Trosclair, the author of The Healthy Compulsive, states, "There is a wide spectrum of people with compulsive personality, with unhealthy and maladaptive on one end, and healthy and adaptive on the other end.”
In Personality Disorders in Modern Life (2004), Theodore Millon and colleagues explain that Obsessive-Compulsive Personality traits are very common because “traits such as efficiency, punctuality, a willingness to work hard, and orientation to detail are valued as necessary prerequisites to social and financial well-being. Self-discipline and organization are personality features encouraged by many modern societies” (227).
ARROW VS. BOX
I think that people have two basic responses to their PD diagnosis. They view it as a box—a stigmatizing label that limits what they can accomplish—or as an arrow pointing to helpful people, activities, coping strategies, and resources. A PD diagnosis can be a useful framework for understanding mental health needs.
A member of this sub commented, “Therapist with OCPD here. Personality disorders are NEVER written in stone contrary to what people are led to believe. In fact, instead of being hard-cut categories, we're now moving into a dimensional/spectrum-based perspective on personality disorders.
“Labels help to navigate systems and find resources, but please don't internalize them and put yourselves into a box. They're man-made, carries margins of error, and continually evolving. Every single person has an unique neural networking system, and therefore cannot be categorized.”
Marsha Linehan, who overcame BPD, became a therapist, and developed DBT (the gold standard treatment for BPD), refrains from using the “disease model” to view DSM disorders, and asserts that the DSM disorders are patterns of behavior. (The Purpose of Diagnosing People Is..., one minute video)
RESOURCE
What Grade Do You Give the DSM Criteria?
PD TRIVIA
Lest we think that OCPD has the most problematic name for a personlity disorder because of the confusion with OCD...from the first edition of the DSM: Immature Personality Disorder. W. T. F.
Perfectionism: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Dr. Simon Sherry is a clinical psychologist who has researched perfectionism for more than 20 years.
How To Beat Perfectionism - Dr. Ellen Hendriksen is the author of How To Be Enough.
You Were the Smart Kid - Let's Talk Psychology Podcast
The Perfectionism Trap (And How to Escape It) - Ali Abdaal
Gordon Flett and Paul Hewitt are the leading researchers on perfectionism.
The Perfectionism Trap - Dr. Bonnie Zucker and Dr. Gordon Flett
The Psychology of Perfectionism - Dr. Paul Hewitt
How To Overcome Your Perfectionism - Dr. Gordon Flett
There is a new sub for sharing experiences with OCPD traits, r/OCPDCommunity.
If you would like to help moderate, send a message through Mod Mail.
There are more than 30 BPD subs. If anyone (including loved ones) would like to start a new OCPD sub, I'm available to help. Also, there are subs for Moderators to ask questions.
Trust me, being a Reddit Mod is not difficult. I have the tech skills of a 7 year old.
OCPDmemes is inactive. If anyone is interested, they can ask Reddit to make them a Mod. https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPD/comments/1kor3hc/introvert\_and\_ocpdish\_memes/. It would be fun to have memes as individual posts, and to see which ones people relate to the most.
Have a great day.
Dr. John Oldham is a psychiatrist who served as chair of The Department of Psychiatry at the Menninger Clinic, one of the best psychiatric hospitals in the U.S. He served on an advisory committee to revise the PD diagnostic criteria for the DSM III and DSM IV.
Dr. Oldham has published more than 200 journal articles. He developed a structured interview guide for diagnosing PDs, the Personality Disorder Examination (PDE). Dr. Oldham wrote The New Personality Self-Portrait (1995, 2^(nd) ed.) with Lois Morris. Quotations are from the first edition.
The book describes 13 personality styles, and how they impact relationships, work, self-image, emotional coping, and sense of reality. “The thirteen personality styles that we identify are the common, utterly human, nonpathological versions” of personality disorders, the “extremes of normal human patterns” (5). Each chapter ends with information about a personality disorder.
Dr. Oldham has a dimensional view of personality disorders. The DSM has a categorical view--precise categories of personalities. “In practical use, however, very few people can be so neatly categorized…The majority of people who meet the diagnostic criteria for one personality disorder also meet the criteria for at least one other disorder. Many mental health professionals see this ‘diagnostic overlap’ as a major weakness” of the DSM (397). In other words, it’s so common for people to have more than one PD diagnosis, some providers think the categories are meaningless.
PERSONALITY STYLE ASSESSMENT
Dr. Oldham created a survey. It's in his book and it's available online: The New Personality Self-Portrait
It is not a PD assessment; it’s used to identify personality styles. If you have an extreme version of a certain style, it is possible you have the PD that relates to it. See the reply to this post for the general diagnostic criteria for PDs.
NEUROPLASTICITY
Neuroplasticity is the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections in response to learning or experience or following an injury. Neuroplasticity Explained (3 minute video)
Dr. Oldman states, “Your Personality Self-Portrait is not etched in stone…[take the] Personality Self-Portrait [assessment] again from time to time. Track how your personality ‘breathes,’ grows, changes, and in every way keeps up with the path that you have taken in your life.” (55)
He asserts that “the brain remains adaptable throughout the aging process, capable of reacting with the environment to form new connections among brain cells and to alter old ones. Indeed, according to the neuroscientists, the potential ability of brain cells to adapt and to change may never deteriorate throughout your entire life cycle.” (369)
This is a video from Heidi Priebe, a life coach and meditation teacher who has a master’s degree in Attachment Theory and Research: Am I Triggered Or Am I Right? How To Tell The Difference.
Heidi is referring to triggers as emotional reactions to situations that remind us about unresolved issues in the past, not trauma triggers or flashbacks.
I will add the video to the resource post on identifying feelings.
MY EXPERIENCE
Gary Trosclair explains that “Many compulsives, with their predilection for planning, have their center of gravity in their head, not in their body.” (The Healthy Compulsive, 89). I repressed my feelings for decades. When I started to work on triggers, I had to rely on my body sensations to recognize emotional reactions.
Strategies I used to help prevent and manage triggers:
* Practicing mindfulness by adopting ‘be here now’ as a mantra, and focusing more on my five senses, breathing, and other body sensations, and less on my thoughts. I try to breathe deeply and slowly at the first sign of distress, and pay attention to how my feelings and body sensations influence my behavior. Eventually, this helped prevent difficult situations.
- Experimenting with taking short breaks, and paying attention to what happens. Breaks “re charge” my energy and increase my productivity. I love the saying 'Rest is not a reward. You do not need to earn the right to rest.'
- Accepting that my OCPD symptoms gave me an inaccurate lens for viewing myself, others, and the world around me in some situations (cognitive biases).
- Doing behavior experiments to slowly increase my distress tolerance (e.g. changes in routine). An updated post on behavior experiments will be one of my last resource posts.
RESOURCES
Triggers for Obsessive-Compulsive Behavior
"The Healthy Compulsive Project” Podcast episode 26
See reply to this post for info. about chest vs. abdominal breathing.
I found practicing mindfulness to be the most helpful coping strategy for OCPD. My therapist says it's an important strategy for all personality disorders.
I lived "in my head" when I had untreated OCPD. Improving my body awareness by having a walking routine and paying attention to my breathing helped me practice mindfulness.
From You Are Not Your Brain, Jeffrey Schwartz, Rebecca Gladding:
“Most people think of mindfulness as a state of mind, as being analogous to being ‘in the zone.’ This is a common misunderstanding that can lead to frustration because mindfulness isn't something you can just switch on like a TV and expect that it will remain in that state indefinitely…The best way to conceptualize mindfulness is as an activity, not a state of mind or way of being…Mindfulness, like any activity, requires effort…the more you practice, the better your abilities become.” (147)
From The Perfectionism Workbook, Taylor Newendorp:
“The basic concept of mindfulness is for you to take on the role of observer…learn how to watch your thoughts come and go through your mind without placing judgment on what kinds of thoughts they are and without judging yourself for any thoughts you have…You are not trying to stop having thoughts (that’s impossible) or to have only good thoughts; you are not trying to analyze what you are thinking about or figure anything out.” (37)
From The CBT Workbook For Perfectionism, Sharon Martin:
“Mindfulness means being focused on the present…focusing on the here and now, rather than being preoccupied with the past or present. Sometimes, as perfectionists, we get so wrapped up in the daily grind…that we’re not fully present in our own lives…"
Martin helps her clients learn how to "do one thing at a time. Use your five senses to fully appreciate all aspects of the present. Notice how your body feels. If your thoughts wander, refocus on the present.” (120)
“When we’re mindful, we’re aware of what we’re doing, thinking, and feeling…we’re just ‘being’…Most of us do a lot of things on autopilot—we do them because we’ve always done them, without giving a lot of thought to how or what we’re doing…Mindfulness helps us to pause before making a decision or taking action, so we can make choices that align with our values and bring us the most satisfaction.” (119-20)
Martin helps her perfectionistic clients gradually reduce multitasking because it is the “opposite” of mindfulness and only gives "the illusion of efficiency." Multitasking “doesn’t actually help us get more done. Our brains can only focus on one thing at a time, so when we multitask…the quality of our attention and work declines." (126)
From ACT Made Simple, Russ Harris
Mindfulness “involves paying attention with openness, curiosity, kindness, and flexibility…mindfulness is an attention process, not a thinking process...” (40)
Mindfulness is different from “positive thinking, relaxation...distraction...[and getting] rid of unwanted thoughts and feelings.” (42)
r/LovedByOCPD is active again.
r/OCPD members have expressed interest in a sub with looser guidelines. If you would like to moderate OCPDCommunity, let me know. I will send you a Mod invite, and I will leave as a Mod.
Being a Reddit Mod is not difficult. There are subs for Mods to ask questions, and we would answer questions. A post about the new sub would be pinned to r/OCPD.
Re: disrespectful comments to and about the Mods, it's not possible for us to meet the preferences of 16K members. The sub is not perfect. Such is life.
The more options, the better. There are more than 30 BPD subs. OCPD is the most common, or second most common PD.
