OCPD and THC
I’ve been on an SSRI for “anxiety” for a few years before COVID hit. During my three months off work, I had always wanted to try THC, but I was afraid of drug testing. This was my chance to try it and get it out of my system before returning to work. I tried it, and it transformed my life. I had no idea how much my brain hindered my productivity by simply trying to survive the moment.
Fast forward a few years, and I started feeling incredibly guilty about my daily use. I felt like THC wasn’t “supposed” to be used as a fix for my anxiety. But it was. It never affected my work, and I didn’t become lazy. In fact, I became a better husband and father, found Jesus, and even wrote a book. It has been such a positive experience, but I can’t shake this guilty feeling.
Recently, I saw a therapist who suggested that I might be on the wrong medication and that I should distance myself from THC. She diagnosed me with Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD) and Substance Use Disorder (SUD), which only made me feel like she didn’t understand me at all (except for the OCPD, which was spot on).
A few weeks into my new medication, I’ve gradually reduced my THC usage to give it a fair chance. I must admit, I hate this. Nothing compares to the relief I get from THC, and I’m starting to feel hopeless (not suicidal).
The scientific research on the positive effects of THC is questionable at best, so I can’t be sure if what I was experiencing was genuine or just a case of addict talk. Can anyone relate to this?