Hi klasmeyts! I've been feeling really down lately and I'm broke so I was hoping to avail the services sa guidance natin but never pa ako nakapag try so idk what or how magpaappoint (assuming na need pa magpasched?) or if may needed bang documents na ibibigay sakanila etc. Any help will be appreciated!! Tyia
For a little context I've never actually had a relationship before (had like a talking stage once but eugh bad experience definitely) and for 3yrs now I've been hiding my thoughts of possibly being gay to everyone in fear that I'm not actually the orientation that I think I am (lesbian) as I don't want them to go believing the bullsht excuse of "you just haven't met the right man yet" that most lesbians already hear everyday. And it doesn't help that my family is not very accepting of LGBTQ, it hurts me every time they'd show their disgust and hatred when their only daughter (albeit closeted) is right there listening.
I don't know if this is some internalized homophobia or what not because I cannot envision myself marrying a woman BUT THE THING IS I have never in my life thought for a second in having a boyfriend, did I find some of them attractive? Sure,, but I don't actually wanna date them. Another thing is, I'm in college now and I've actually met more people that are part of the LGBT community and even tho I know to myself they wouldn't be homophobic I just couldn't bring myself to say that yes, I'm a lesbian, I like women; I just sat there, denied and stated that I'm just a really big ally. ITS SO FRUSTRATING that my mind immediately went into panic mode at the thought of saying those words out loud and I know what you're thinking, how did I come up with the conclusion that im a lesbian if this is how I feel? Well long story short I had this big ass crush on my classmate back in 7th grade, one that I didn't even realize until a random coop IN GENSHIN (😭) practically spoon-fed me my stupidity (it took me four years to realize I was crushing HARD on a girl, who would've known my first ever crush would be her) and also was the one who helped me realize that I'm most likely a lesbian or bi for that matter
I really hope this wouldn't sound disrespectful to anyone, if it is I offer my sincerest apologies as I'm just really confused and it's been bottling up to me all these years and I don't exactly have the friends to rant this about as I've hidden this part of me to them as well.
PS: sorry if the grammar is shyte I'm typing this half asleep T-T
this is just gonna be a rant because i've been crying for what feels like 12 straight hours now and I dont really have other people to rant to about this (my friend passed, i'm really happy for her so I didn't want to rain on her parade with my sorrowness). As the title says, I failed my exam this just frustrates me with no bounds because its not like I slacked, I studied my ass off for 2 weeks straight, reviewing the things I'm not that good at hell I even went to a review center for extra help but NO its still not enough and it'll never be enough for this stupid brain that I was blessed by the gods with. I took that mock exam like a champ, answered it with absolute breeze but guess what. the reason it was so easy is because it was literally just jumbled pass exams/quizzes, i mean no wonder i got them correctly i already answered it beforehand!
So the 2 day interval between the mock and actual exam was still used for reviewing (i think i stayed up all night nung sat pa nga e) even while walking to school i was reviewing. but man, when i started answering (mind u i was already having a bad day, i forgot my calcu and had to go back then i had to wait for like 15 mins for a jeep then rode a tric to school para kako di na me maglakad, which broke down in the middle of the highway so i still have to walk AND pay kuya the fair tas yung proctor nmin dumating ng almost 1hr late so i only really have 2hrs to answer my exam) everything is a mess, the ones i focused on the most didn't even make it to the exam its such mumbo jumbo that I didn't even know where to start. Not to mention, half of the damn exam is costacc (aka my biggest enemy??), so yeah i walked out of that exam room knowing I failed lol but it still hurt seeing that email.
annnnd know i'm applying for recon which honestly i dont really want to anymore, i'm like 1% away from breaking down and telling my mom i dont want this program anymore (not like i wanted it in the first place). ngl this is the first time i've ever failed academically so extra jab at the heart and pride, its really making me feel that i was not indeed as smart as i thought i was.
yun lang, bigla ako nadesensitized while writing this and now i just feel ridiculous and ang haba na rin so tldr; i probably dont have a future in this program if QE palang ligwak na, what more sa board right? so yea waiting na lang ig if university na mismo magpapalayas or i'd stop being a chicken and leave the program myself.
I dont get why I'm struggling so much on my accounting subjects when I get their premises like pag nagdidiscuss either by our prof or in youtube gets ko nmn sya and i'm able to follow the lecture, even while reading my books pero once na I'm answering quizzes/exams (even practicing by myself) all of a sudden I retain none of the knowledge that i learnt from those lectures or books. Di nmn sya yung parang talagang blangko ako, i can look at a problem and \*know\* na adjusting entries to or this is included in xyz pero how to solve it? dont have any idea. which frustrates me because i know or at least familiar with most of the formulas we need to solve them.
I'm currently studying (or trying to) for our qualifying exam, i've been stuck in FAR for almost 3 days na and im still on sole proprietorship, the exam is in a week and wala pa akong review on IntAcc 1 or CostAcc (here sa costacc suko na tlga ako LMFAO di ko tlga sya gets) and honestly I'm losing hope in passing my exam which sucks cz my overall grades for these subjects aren't that bad, i'm just going to hope na our dean will be kind enough to reconsider me for 2nd yr BSA na lang i guess. but if u have any advice to help with my dilemma i'd love to hear it bka sakaling maclutch pa exam hshahha tyia!