My bf got me raped
This shit is going to sound insane. So i told my bf about my rape at 15 and long story short it became our "kink" ig. Then he kept obsessing and like asking who was it. I told him then he had me follow my rapist on Instagram to further his kink. He started messaging my rapist as me asking him if he remembers anything just so he can get more details. My rapist was no surprise into dirty talking all of that and im just so uncomfortable at this point but I play along. He started sending him booty pics of me and they're just straight sexting (again the rapist thinks its me).
This is where things went left if they already haven't, one night im a little drunk because we were just having a date night at home and my bf tells me he'll be right back. He goes to unlock the door then goes in the basement and my rapist comes in. I literally thought I got too drunk like no way hes here im seeing shit right? WRONG. He pounces on me and I start to scream my bfs name but nothing comes out and everything is spinning and he carries me over his shoulder to my bed and im struggling as much as the liquor would let me and he ripped off my pants, threw me face down and is dirty talking into my ear.
He was talking about my body, about how he missed me, how he thought about what he did to me every day for years, and what hes about to do to me and im getting straight ptsd, im hyperventilating and shaking and yea none of it mattered because again he got to have his way with me. I begged him and pleaded but Idk why because he didn't care back then, so he wasnt gonna care now. He degraded and objectified me the whole way through, comparing me to my 15 year old self and it made my skin crawl. After he finished he told me how much he enjoyed it (in other vulgar words), then left.
I was distraught. Frozen, crying. It was like i got yanked back years to be small and helpless all over again. All the progress i made meant nothing i got victimized again by the same man, orchestrated by the man i loved. My bf came up and saw me in a very compromising state like I didn't move or clean myself or anything. Im just laying there. He starts taking pics of me and idk at this point im mentally destroyed. He then has sex with me. Yea. Next day he asked for details. Alot happened. I cried, I yelled at him, I hit him, threw things at him etc. To not go any longer a couple months later I left him when I couldnt take it anymore.