u/Big_Wallaby_7493

For months now I’ve been obsessing over my sexuality and trying to “solve” whether I’m bi, lesbian, experiencing comphet, etc. But lately it feels less like overthinking and more like my brain/body quietly admitting something I don’t know how to fully accept yet.

At first it was mostly panic and analysis. “Do I really like women?” “Am I making this up?” “What if I’m wrong?” But now my thoughts are becoming way more specific and real. I’m not just thinking women are pretty — I actively crave intimacy with women in a way I’ve never really felt with men.

And honestly… when I picture sex/relationships with women, it feels exciting, emotional, reciprocal, soft, intense, comforting, all at once. With men, sex has always felt performative or like something to get through. I get the ick so fast. But with women, my brain keeps wandering there naturally, even when I’m doing completely unrelated things.

The thing freaking me out is that this no longer feels hypothetical. It feels like actual desire. Like I want this. And admitting that feels huge and terrifying.

I also keep having this weird shame spiral where I’ll think something very explicitly sapphic and immediately go “oh my god I can’t believe I thought that,” but then another part of me goes “…but it’s true though.”

Did anyone else experience this transition from:
“Am I queer?”
to
“Oh. I genuinely want women and can’t really deny it anymore”?

And did it feel terrifying even if it also felt exciting/right?

I feel like my brain has become completely consumed by trying to “figure out” my sexuality and it’s exhausting.
For a while I identified as bi, but over the past few months something shifted and now I can’t stop wondering if I’m actually a lesbian. It feels like there’s this giant flashing sign in my brain screaming “you know the answer already” and yet I still don’t fully believe myself.
I keep going in circles. I think about how little interest I actually have in men, how disconnected I’ve always felt in relationships with them, how much more natural attraction to women feels, how jealous I get seeing wlw relationships, etc. But then I immediately start doubting myself and thinking “what if I’m wrong?” or “what if I just want a label?”
I’ll literally have moments where I’m like “oh my god I’m a lesbian” and then hours later I panic about it. Not because it feels bad exactly, but because it feels huge and irreversible and terrifying.
And honestly? I don’t know how to stop obsessing over it. I feel like I’m constantly scanning my thoughts and reactions trying to gather evidence about myself instead of just existing.
Did anyone else go through this phase where your sexuality became all you could think about? How did you stop spiraling and actually trust yourself?

I think I might be a lesbian and it’s consuming my entire brain. I keep trying to talk myself out of it, but every time someone tells me ‘maybe you’ll meet a man someday,’ it doesn’t actually make me feel better. Deep down, I feel like my attraction to women is real, but my brain is terrified of what that would mean for my life and identity.
I’m 27 and suddenly reexamining every experience I’ve had with men. A lot of my relationships or interactions with them were filled with anxiety, disgust, stress, or me pulling away entirely. Now I’m wondering if I was ever actually attracted to them or if I just assumed I was supposed to be.
The hardest part is that I feel like I know something, but I can’t fully accept it yet. It feels like my body and emotions are screaming one thing while my mind keeps panicking and trying to keep the door open to being attracted to men. Did anyone else go through this kind of intense identity spiral before realizing they were a lesbian/queer? How did you stop questioning yourself every second of the day