Hello everyone, I'm in an international course and I had a final on the 11th. So im taking the retake on thursday. I'm somewhat confident but I was wondering if anyone knows or what anyone thinks the test will have a lot of. On top of that will the FRQs be the same (different values obv). My teacher was pretty bad so Im 99% self taught.
Today I broke up with my girlfriend of three years. It was a very difficult decision for me to make, but it came with a lot of deliberation and heartbreak.
The past few months my partner had been surrounding herself with the wrong sorts of people. I was scrolling on her phone when her friend sent a video of them hanging out and in the video she was doing drugs. I confronted her about this and she broke down telling me it was only one time. I promised to work through it with her and to support her.
I always had my suspicions that she’d be doing something like this, suspicions that she did it more than one time. I knew it deep down but I didn’t want to trust my intuition. Until a few weeks later she asked me to come by her friends house, and we went on a walk where she broke down again saying she couldn’t keep lying to me, that she’d been vaping, smoking weed, taking pills and other sorts. One of her good friends who doesn’t partake had kept pushing her to tell me the truth and that she was only going to hurt me more.
And obviously it did, we were sat by a lake at night time when she told me, and I just sat there quietly upset that my worries were true. She starting ranting on how I was probably disgusted and livid and I probably wanted to hit her which hurt me so much because I’d never want to harm her, so for her to think I’d stoop to that level… I told her I was just disappointed and I always knew she was doing this really.
Yet I stayed with her, because I don’t want her to ruin her life, I kept pushing her to stop, to stay away from people that influence her to do these things. For weeks and weeks I was patient with her. But she was still doing shit every single day. And every single day she promised me she was going to quit.
Then today she paused her location and disappeared for 8 hours. Her parents called me multiple times asking if she was okay because they couldn’t get a hold of her. And when I asked her where she’d been and what she’d been doing, she just said that she had a lot going on right now. Which is a complete and utter lie because she literally does nothing all day.
Then something in me just snapped, I told her I couldn’t deal with her lying and her forcing herself so adamantly down the wrong path in life. I can’t force her to change, I shouldn’t want her to change. I told her if she was happier doing drugs and not having anyone trying to get her to stop then I’d let her live that life.
She completely blew up at me, begging me to reconsider, sending intimate videos of us asking me if I wanted to throw that away. Refusing to accept the fact that she was mentally ruining me. I look at photos of myself before this whole ordeal, and my eyes had a shine in them that’s been gone ever since. I’ve not been happy when I think of her, my stomach just twists wondering whether she’s okay and what she’s doing.
I love her so much, but I can’t ask her to change who she is for me. It’s just selfish of her to want to have me in her life, to lie to me and give me empty promises that she’ll do better. I don’t want to control her, I don’t want to have to parent her. I told her that, and she told me to tie her up so I could make sure she doesn’t go anywhere or do anything.
I honestly just believe I’m going to be better off without her in my life. I love her so fucking much, but for once in our relationship I need to consider myself, my emotional well being, my needs. I need to get my spark back. I just miss who she used to be, I miss my baby, my sweet innocent girl. Not the hollow lying shell that’s taken her place.
She has no respect for me, my boundaries, or my morals. She asked me to at least come hold her one last time. I told her it would only hurt us both more, but she remained persistent that she wanted one last embrace. She’s currently sleeping, but I’m genuinely terrified to deal with her tomorrow.
I know that if I go see her, I’ll cave in and just fall back to this aching routine of me waiting and supporting her, just for her to let me down and shatter me again and again. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I still need to get my stuff back, to give her stuff back. I’m anxious of the confrontation to come.