Should I tell a man he made me uncomfortable at singles event?
Last night I (30F) went to a singles event at a bar, and I hit it off with a guy (29 M) there. We talked one-on-one for about an hour before the event ended. I thought he was really cute and charming, and the conversation flowed easily. I gave him my number, and we kept talking afterward for a while.
Eventually the conversation started naturally winding down and I was feeling ready to leave. The first time I tried to go, he convinced me to stay a little longer while he finished his drink, which I was fine with. But I noticed he kept finding ways to keep the conversation going. He was giving me flirty looks, leaning in close, etc. Again, none of that bothered me on its own, I just didn’t want things escalating physically yet.
At one point I realized his foot was touching mine under the table. I slid my foot away because I assumed it was accidental, but then it happened another couple of times. Looking back, I’m realizing he was almost definitely trying to play footsie.
When we finally left the bar, I noticed he was standing extremely close to me outside. I asked where he parked, and we had parked in opposite directions. Honestly I felt relieved because I didn’t really want to be alone with him yet. I tried to say by right then and there, but he immediately said, “No no, I can walk you to your car,” and I awkwardly agreed.
As we walked, he stayed very close to me, put his hand on the small of my back, and then reached for my hand and held it. That completely freaked me out. Even though I liked talking to him, I was not ready for that level of physical contact at all. By that point I was anxious because I knew he was probably going to try to kiss me.
When we got to my car, I very deliberately said “Hug?” as a cue that I only wanted a hug goodbye. Instead, he held me really tightly, kept holding onto my arms afterward, stared at me, and was clearly trying to kiss me. I was physically leaning away, turning my head, and awkwardly babbling because I didn’t want to kiss him. Eventually he let go and left.
The thing is, I’m not upset that he wanted to kiss me. What’s bothering me is that I felt like I gave multiple cues that I wanted more space or wanted to slow things down (moving my foot away, trying to leave, not wanting him to walk me to my car alone, specifically offering a hug), and he kept pushing forward anyway.
He texted me afterward saying he had a nice time talking to me and didn’t acknowledge any of this. Honestly, the whole interaction made me uncomfortable enough that I don’t even want to respond.
My friend thinks I should tell him directly that he made me uncomfortable so he can be more aware of this behavior in the future and not do it to someone else. Part of me agrees, but another part of me really dreads engaging with him at all. Ignoring the text feels easier because he can just assume I lost interest or didn’t see it.
I know I don’t owe him feedback, but I do wonder if saying something would genuinely help him. What would you do in this situation? And if you think I should respond, how would you phrase it?