Advice on how to deal with losing close friendships?
Over the years I have had trouble finding other close guy friends. I had some really close friends in college, which we stay in communication to this day, despite everyone moving to different parts of the country. When my wife and I settled in our current community (near family for both of us) I was surprised how hard it was to make friends as an adult male, especially in a relatively rural area.
It honestly probably took close to 7 years before we made our first couple friends, then they decided to move away less than 6 months after we started hanging out regularly. It was a blow to my wife, and if I'm being honest, myself. But we moved on, started having kids, and a few years later I ended up making another friend. He and I actually had a good friendship building for over a year, helping each other out with projects, having deep conversations, doing some shared hobbies together, etc, but he ended up taking a job in another country and moved out of no-where.
I turned my focus to my work, and my family. I was fine for a few years, but it was honestly mentally exhausting being the support system for everyone around me, without a friend to be there with. It's been about 15 years since we moved to the community I'm in, and we have lots of surface level friendships, but until about a year ago we didn't have any that I knew would come if we were in trouble, or if I needed help. In fact we had a large house fire a handful of years ago, and besides family, we didn't have anyone even stop by offering help/support. It was an eye opening experience, as I've tried investing in many other peoples lives, showing up to help in times of need, donating money to friends trying to adopt, helping a friend through tough breakups, etc. to not even receive a call was hard, but I sucked it up and moved on.
About a year ago I ended up meeting another guy, and we hit it off instantly. Our wives ended up becoming good friends, and even our kids actually became really good friends. Things seemed to be looking up. He just told me yesterday he accepted a job out of state, and will be moving by the end of the month. To say I was caught off guard is an understatement. We had just had a discussion a few weeks ago about how much he loved the community we're in, and that he sees this as his forever home. I then had to break the news to my wife and kids, and of course be the rock for them as they're crying/dealing with their loss.
I find it draining, investing time/money/resources, into finding close friends/ a support system, only to have it ripped away. It's not easy for me to open up/trust someone normally, as I've been hurt it the past, so creating those close bonds is hard. I would love any advice people have on dealing with these losses, but also how to better make friendships in the future to avoid this. Again, being in a small town makes it hard, as too many of the social circles run together.