First experience with another couple…is post-play silence normal?
After a lot of discussion, my husband and I decided to explore ENM. Our ideal dynamic is something more than anonymous swinging but less than poly; we’d love to find another couple we genuinely enjoy spending time with and hopefully build an ongoing friendship/FWB-type connection.
We met an experienced ENM couple on an app who seemed to be looking for something similar. We met twice before anything physical happened and had long conversations about boundaries, expectations, communication, etc. The husband was especially communicative leading up to the meetup—checking in regularly, expressing enthusiasm, and generally giving us the impression that they valued intentional communication and not just a one night stand type of situation.
We had our first sexual experience together this week. It definitely had some 🔥 moments, but it also wasn’t perfect. My husband was nervous and couldn’t maintain an erection, which we both learned a lot from and aren’t overly concerned about long-term.
After they left that night, we sent a lighthearted follow-up text that night and got a friendly, but brief response.
What surprised me is that it’s now been a couple of days and…nothing.
No “thanks for having us,” no “we had a good time,” no “we’re still processing,” no “we don’t think it’s a match.” Just silence.
I’m genuinely trying to understand whether my expectations are off here.
Is this pretty normal in the swinging/ENM world after a first encounter? Am I approaching this too much like monogamous dating, where some kind of acknowledgment is expected? Or would you also find the lack of follow-up a little unusual given the amount of communication beforehand? I’m also maybe overthinking the lack of erection thing; surely an experienced couple would understand this and not write us off?
I’m especially interested in hearing from experienced couples about what your post-play communication typically looks like.